If We Never Said I Love You
by julesgriffith
Summary: A Sully & Michaela love story starting a few days before the episode of “Another Woman.” This story explores the problems and beauties of their early relationship.
1. Chapter 1

**If We Never Said I Love You**

A "Romance"

By Jules

**Summary:** A Sully & Michaela love story starting a few days before the episode of "Another Woman." This story explores the problems and beauties of their early relationship.

**Chapter 1—"Waiting for Winter"**

**January 1869**

It was a cold night. Sully stirred the fire, waiting for Michaela to settle down and join him for a few stolen moments in the long winter sleep. She hardly had slowed down once that evening, between helping Colleen with dinner and working on Brian's science project due the next day. He pitched in as best he could. He helped Colleen clear the table and offered to help Matthew cover the horses before the young man climbed the rickety stairs to the loft where he retreated to dream of a young Swedish girl.

But after all of it, Sully was still waiting for her. Brian had cleared his project away and Michaela was reaching for one of her medical books. Sully stood up, cleared his throat and walked across the room to her, taking the heavy book out of her hand.

"What do you think you're doing?" Michaela snapped, shocked out of her busy routine.

Sully shut the book and took a hold of her hand. "It's gettin' late. Come sit with me by the fire."

"Charcot's done a fascinating study of neurology, and after Brian's accident last year, I need to study the affects of—"

Sully covered her lips with his fingers, forcing her to stop and focus on him. "Can't it wait a few more minutes? We ain't been alone all day."

Michaela blushed slightly at the thought, finally catching her breath, and conceded, "I-I suppose it can."

Colleen smiled from the table and picked up her Murray reader. Just as Brian was about to re-enter the house, she stood up abruptly and flashed conspiring, warning eyes at him.

"What!" He asked loudly, completely oblivious to the concept of romance.

"Good night, Ma, Sully!" Colleen said overly cheerfully and forcefully dragged Brian out of the room to their small bed cove. "We're gonna go to bed. We're both _real_ tired."

"Night, kids!" Sully called after them, laughing quietly to himself as their loud sibling banter made its way to the main cabin room. Despite her lack of subtlety, someday he knew would have to thank Colleen.

When he looked at Michaela, she had a faint, shy grin on her face.

They both walked to the roaring fire and sat down opposite each other on the spun rug. Brian and Colleen had yet to quiet down, and Sully chuckled, "Those kids are somethin', ain't they?"

"They certainly are. I don't know whether to hug them or strangle them sometimes." Michaela leaned forward self-consciously, as if she were revealing a secret. "They didn't have to leave the room."

"No." Sully leaned forward, meeting her halfway, catching her vulnerable face in his palms, and whispered furtively, "But sometimes it's nice to have some privacy."

Michaela felt her mind freeze as her heart raced ahead. His lips fell to the side of hers, barely touching her in the simplest of kisses. She dropped her head, losing contact with his lips and closed her eyes. Michaela pressed her hand against his chest, inadvertently gripping his shirt as she tried to ease him away, which only kept him locked to her. "Sully…" She strained.

Sully pulled back on his own, placing his hand over her tense fingers. "What? What's wrong? I thought this was ok."

"It's…" Michaela took a deep breath and opened her eyes. He was so close. She could feel his heat. His breath. The intensity of his eyes. He was there waiting, and she had no idea how to let him inside.

"It's what?" He prodded, gently squeezing her hand at his chest. Slowly, he slid her fingers between his and covered his heart with her hand. He waited for her.

His heartbeat traveled up her nerves, through her arm, all the way to her own churning sound. She loved him. She didn't know why certain moments felt so strange. Barely audible, she admitted, "It makes me feel things. Frightening things."

Sully frowned, worry grabbing him fast. "You're scared of me?"

Michaela shook her head, anxiety overcoming her. "I don't know what it is. You overwhelm me sometimes."

"Hey, hey…" Sully almost touched the side of her face, but quickly took his hand back, second guessing himself. He shifted on the floor, moving closer to her, but still hesitated as their left and right hands held at his chest. "I don't expect nothin', ya know that right?"

Michaela shook her head again, uncertainty filling her, as she pressed down on his heart. "No. I-I can feel you."

"O' course!" Sully sighed, frustration running through his body as he stared into her apprehensive eyes. Restraint left him unawares as he pressed his forehead against hers and whispered ardently, "I love you, Michaela. That's what ya feel."

Michaela gasped, still not completely used to the words. She felt them; he felt them—but his vocabulary was one of necessity, and sometimes, he forgot to say it. She peered into his eyes, and her body and thoughts softened as he held her. He exhaled and whispered again, not knowing what else to say, "I love ya… I love ya—"

Sully had no more use for words. His feelings ran deeper than any poet could describe or orator could narrate. He loved her, and it was beyond the words itself. He could do nothing but wait. As silence spanned out in front of them, Michaela quickly felt his physical presence circling her and she trembled against him. "Oh God," she uttered once, as she lowered her chin, letting her lips hover slightly over his.

Sully didn't move as she came to him. Light as falling snow, Michaela pressed her lips against his. Sully kept a firm hold on her hand, while the other helplessly sought out the solid support of the bench.

Then slowly, so not to frighten her, he began to kiss her back. Michaela's head and heart twisted as she heard Sully moan deep in his throat. She swallowed, keeping the urge to echo him repressed, as she heard her mother's shocked voice in her ear, reproaching her for ignoring her upbringing and propriety. But it faded a bit when she felt Sully's heartbeat quicken under her fingers, and a small grin formed as she realized she was the reason for it. But then she nearly stopped breathing when Sully leaned closer, and her hand slipped into the opening of his white shirt. His skin was warm and taut against her fingers, and despite her best efforts, Michaela sighed, powerless to stop herself.

Sully stopped thinking as he felt her touch against his skin. He let go of the bench and fully circled his arms around her waist. Now he was shaking. He hadn't expected this tonight. They had kissed before—but it had always been with the safety of friends and family around. Never in such a way that they could be truly intimate with each other. Forgetting words and fears, he kissed her fully, passion driving him as he pulled her closer.

Michaela's hand splayed across his chest, and she didn't know whether to push him away or give into the confusion surfacing deep inside of her, but then she felt his kiss change, exploring her mouth tenderly, curiously, lovingly. Tentatively, she opened her mouth as he filled her with temptations and longings and desires she didn't know she possessed. She had no idea she had been waiting for this her entire life.

The fire crackled beside them, and the rest of cabin fell to silence, except for Brian, who was completely twisted in his blankets, eyeing his big sister, restlessly. "But I'm thirsty, Colleen!" He whispered to her cot.

Colleen reached over and covered his mouth. "Wait until Sully leaves, Brian!"

Brian crossed his arms and turned over on his side facing her. "I don't get why we can't be with 'em anyway."

Colleen rolled her eyes and stared out the window. "You wouldn't, ya dumb boy."

"Hey! Take that back!" Brian raised his voice a little.

"Shh! Ya gotta be quiet! We're supposed to be sleepin'!" Colleen gestured wildly. She frowned as she listened for her ma's reproach, but she didn't hear a peep. "They sure are awful quiet in there."

"I wonder what they're doin'," Brian mused, turning innocent eyes to Colleen.

Her first kiss flashed in her mind immediately. At that moment, Colleen had never been more thankful for the darkness. She rolled over in the bed, facing the wall. "Um… Ma's been workin' real hard, Brian. I-I bet they fell asleep by the fire."

"Maybe we should go wake 'em up. I wouldn't want Ma to get smelly like Pup. I bet Sully wouldn't mind though." Brian pushed his covers back, and Colleen quickly jumped on top of him.

"Ya move outta this bed, and I'm gonna stick pillows feathers in your mouth!" Brian froze. For some reason, he believed Colleen this time.

Michaela surely didn't hear a word of their conversation. She could barely hear herself think as they continued to kiss in such a way that sent her nerves spiraling out of control. She was waking up in winter, and she didn't know how to stop the spring. She had never been this close to a man before, and everything about this moment seemed right and wrong and beautiful and frightening; but the surprisingly realization came like a storm. What frightened her wasn't this man—it was herself.

But passion's fire blazed too fast as Sully pulled her into his lap. Michaela took a deep breath, pushing back on Sully's heart as her lips left his. They stared in each other's eyes, shocked back into reality by the space between them.

Michaela stood suddenly and leaned against the mantle of the fire, her chest heaving as her thoughts swirled about like sparks, unable to be squelched. Sully quickly stood up beside her and put his hand on the small of her back. She reacted to his touch immediately, closing her eyes again, trying to control herself. "Hey… ya alright?"

"I… I think you should go, Sully," Michaela said, emotion drained from her voice.

Sully faltered on his feet, feeling uneven on the ground. "Are ya upset?"

Michaela shook her head, looking straight forward, trying not to cry.

Sully felt like a brick wall had been laid between them. "Are ya mad at me?"

Michaela barely moved her lips. "We just shouldn't have… That's all."

Sully grabbed her shoulders and tried to turn her around. "We were just kissin'!"

Michaela stepped back, putting clear distance between them. "It's more than that. You don't understand."

"But—"

"Please. Just go." Sully stopped and stared at her, waiting for something to break. But she didn't move.

He turned around and walked out the door, confused and bothered, his lips were still warm from her kiss as he walked out into the cold night. He turned around as the door shut behind him. He had forgotten his jacket.

He kept walking towards his lean-to, too stubborn to go back. Too worried he might say or do something they both would regret. As he reached the patch of trees where his home rested, a gust of wind flew in from the east. It didn't matter. He didn't feel the cold. He reached for the end of his shirt and peeled it over his head, mocking the winter. He fell down on his blankets, and as he thought of her, it began to snow.

Michaela stood by the window, holding his leather jacket in her hands, waiting for him to come back. When he didn't, she went to the rocking chair and covered herself with it. She didn't have an explanation. She wondered if she ever would as she began to rock, knowing she would never be able to sleep again without dreaming of him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2—"Crazy Lovesick Fool"

Cloud Dancing walked through the woods, letting the wild hawk guide him to his destination. When he arrived at the base of Sully's lean-to, the hawk screeched, jolting Sully from his troubled sleep. Alarmed by Sully's deliberate exposure to the elements, Cloud Dancing quickly reached for dry blankets under the lean-to and pulled his trembling friend to a sitting position; pushing the thin layer of snow and sweat off of his chest and arms.

Sully grunted as the chill sent pains to his sleeping nerves, and his eyes opened wide and white as he tried to focus on his friend.

"What have you done, my brother, to make the spirits turn so?" Cloud Dancing sat back and waited for an answer.

Sully clung to the wool blankets, regaining some of his warmth as the previous night ebbed before his eyes. He nearly shuttered as he felt her push away. Sully closed his eyes, seeing her frightened face and feeling her warm hand against his heart. So many countless contradictions in every smile, breath, touch, look, and kiss. Sully moaned as the tremors took over. As he heard her sigh so sensually and unaware, he fell to his side, collapsing on the bed of furs and extra blankets.

Cloud Dancing raised his eyebrows but didn't move the rest of his face. "_Dr. Mike_. You will not win her back by freezing to death. You are a crazy lovesick fool, my brother."

Sully rolled his head back as his sinuses began to open. "I can't do anythin' right."

The wise man smiled at the misshapen younger man. "You love Dr. Mike. That is right."

Sully exhaled and looked in Cloud Dancing's sure eyes, knowing his words were true. As his chest shook with chills, he quietly admitted, "I don't know how to love her the way she needs to be loved."

"Love does not come without patience and understanding. Especially from yourself." Sully frowned, absorbing his words, trying to find the connection to his situation. "If you do not understand yourself, you will never understand a woman."

The hawk squawked again, alarming Cloud Dancing as it walked closer to Sully, circling him with fascination. But Cloud Dancing did not move or speak. He watched the tortured younger man, oblivious to the sounds and the wonderment of the preying bird. The man circled his body with his arms, shivering, closing his eyes once more, his thoughts taking him somewhere else. The hawk moved closer, and with one shift movement, bit Sully's ear. Sully's eyes flashed open in pain and shock, and he jumped away from the bird, pushing it away until it flew off through the trees.

"Why didn't ya warn me?" Sully yelled, grabbing his ear as he suddenly became alert and sober.

"You were not paying attention. The hawk was always there. You will be carried away if you are not careful. Know yourself, my brother," Cloud Dancing warned cryptically.

Sully's ear throbbed and he nodded as Cloud Dancing held out his hand. "Come. Get up and we will build a fire to warm you before real illness sets in."

The hawk rose above the dismissive trees and now drew towards a chimney stack in the clearing. It rested there, as the early morning sounds drifted up with the gray smoke.

Brian pushed the curtain back that separated their room from the rest of the cabin. He looked toward his ma's bed, which was still perfectly made from the night before. Then his eyes went towards the falling fire, and there he saw her, sitting in the rocking chair, covered by Sully's leather jacket.

"Colleen! Colleen! Get up!" Brian shook his sister frantically.

Colleen woke with a start, eyes wide with sleep as she stared at her little brother. "What is it?"

"Look!" He pointed to Michaela.

Colleen slowly pushed the covers away from her body and slid out of the bed. "Looks like she didn't even go to bed last night."

Brian and Colleen tiptoed closer, trying not to wake her just yet. Brian stepped a little closer to Colleen and slipped his fingers through hers, his boyish heart swelling. "Her eyes are all puffy."

Colleen nodded, barely squeezing his hand. "I think she's been cryin'."

"I wonder what happened?" Brian shuffled closer to Michaela's knees.

Colleen swallowed and noticed the leather coat encasing her. "Sully left his coat."

Suddenly, Matthew opened the front door, dressed and ready for a day of work at Miss Olive's ranch. Michaela's eyes flew open, and Brian nearly jumped back from the shock. "What are you children doing!" Michaela asked with a start.

Brian and Colleen looked at each other quickly, and Colleen stepped up. "Uh…Brian was just about to wake ya, Dr. Mike, and I was just headin' to the kitchen to make breakfast!"

Michaela covered her eyes as she gathered her wits momentarily, shaking her head as she tried to forget why her back ached and why she smelled like rawhide and everything masculine she loved about Sully.

Brian stepped a little closer, attempting to peek through her fingers. Feeling the presence of the little person, Michaela opened her fingers and couldn't help but smile at her son's concerned face. "Ya ok, ma?" he whispered.

"I'm just fine, sweetheart," she responded, dropping her arms and quickly pulling him into a hug. The pangs in her chest weren't heartache, she told herself. She was fine.

Brian hugged her neck tighter as a small sigh escaped her lips, despite herself. "Ya sure ya don't need more huggin'?" Brian asked as she pulled away gingerly.

Michaela shook her head, a bright smile planted on her face that didn't match the low light in her eyes. "I think that hug will last me all day long."

She pushed up off the chair and quickly moved into action, not wanting to linger in sentimentality too long this morning. Matthew, oblivious to last night's happenings, sauntered leisurely into the kitchen to wash his hands. Michaela smoothed back her hair and quickly grabbed her apron, her hands strained and unfocused as she fumbled with the bow. Colleen looked up from the skillet. Matthew paused as he dried his hands. Brian stepped closer, not having moved yet. Michaela's hands stopped when she felt the eyes of her children circle around her quietly. She had to fix this mess. She couldn't let them see her like this. They were too smart and sensitive.

She smiled again, her hands giving up on the bow. She picked up Sully's coat and exhaled. "I'll be back in a minute."

"Do ya need me to go with ya, ma?" Brian asked, chasing after her.

Michaela turned around, slipping Sully's jacket around her shoulders. "I need to do this alone, Brian. If I'm not back in half an hour, go ahead and start breakfast without me."

Before Brian could follow her, Michaela was out the door and halfway down the porch steps. He pressed his face against the window and watched her go.

The hawk spotted her from the rooftop and watched her dart towards the barn. Michaela pushed the doors open and ran inside. Flash greeted her with a jubilant neigh, and Michaela went to the pony, letting her hands run through its main and behind its ears. "What should we do, girl? Should we go find him?"

"Only if ya give my coat back."

"Sully!" Michaela jumped back, so startled that she lost her footing and landed in a pile of loosely spread hay. Sully moved quickly and kneeled down in front of her protruding feet. Michaela stared at him a moment before giving up and falling back completely in the hay. "What a mess we are," she sighed hopelessly.

Sully crawled over her legs, trying to find her head amongst the golden straws. "Michaela?" He asked nervously. "Are ya in there?"

"Yes!" She moaned as Sully picked the straw out of her face and mouth. "Are you sure you want me out of here?"

Sully softened and reached for her hand. "Yeah. How else am I gonna get to tell ya how sorry I am?"

"You didn't do anything wrong. I—I want to know you. To be close to you. But sometimes…. Sometimes it's just hard for me to open my heart. I don't know why," Michaela whispered, her words trailing off as she shared a piece of her soul with him.

Sully lay down beside her in the hay, pulling her hand against his heart. "I'm not goin' anywhere." His chest was heavy with her words. "I'm not gonna leave ya."

"David did. We were engaged and he left me. Abagail left you. If she loved you like…. Sometimes we can't stop bad things from happening." Sully turned on his side, concern filling his eyes.

"Then let's not think about bad things. We can't change the past. I know ya want to push me away sometimes, but I'm not gonna let ya. And I'm not just talkin' about kissin'." Sully moved their hands between his heart and hers. "We got too much right here."

Slowly, Michaela smiled and relaxed further in the hay. "I know. I trust you."

"Good." Sully grinned as he loosened his hold on her hand and began to play with her fingers that didn't quite make it through the sleeves of his jacket. "Ya know, ya look kinda cute in my jacket."

Michaela grinned lopsidedly at him. "You were supposed to come back and get it last night."

"Was I?" Sully pulled at the lapels of his jacket collar, pulling it snuggly to her neck.

"Yes. The children must think I've gone mad. I couldn't think straight this morning."

Sully chuckled, wondering if she acted as extreme as he did in his confusion. "Cloud Dancing thinks I'm lovesick for ya."

"Lovesick? Is that what he calls it?" Michaela leaned closer to Sully as they slowly fell deeper into the cavern of golden hay. "Does he have a cure?"

"It wouldn't work. Somehow I don't think I'll ever get over ya." Sully's arm instinctively snaked around her waist. Michaela buried her face in his neck, absorbing everything about him—the way his flesh grew soft below his chin before it dissolved into rougher skin that was tanned and weathered, the way his heart beat every time she breathed or moved or sighed, and the way his hands traveled around her back, as if he had never touched anything more rare or beautiful before.

Michaela pulled back and put her hand on his chest, stopping him. But slowly, she let her hand slid up to his neck, touching his chin ever so slightly, saying _yes_ with a simple nod.

Her hands slid up his cold cheeks, and waited as he came to her. But before he could reach her lips, Sully flew up straight and sneezed. Michaela followed him and put her hands on his back and forehead as he broke into a fit of coughs.

"I think you have a cold, Sully," Michaela said, switching quickly into doctor mode.

As his head seemed to collapse into his throat, he begrudgingly admitted, "I slept out in the snow last night."

"Are you crazy!" Michaela dropped her hands from his face.

"Apparently." Sully sniffled, dropping his shoulders. "I was mad about you."

Michaela stood up, finally taking his coat off and putting it around his shoulders as she helped him to his feet. "If you get sick and die because of me, I'll never forgive you."

"That's encouraging." Sully took her outstretched hand.

"Come on." Michaela snuck her arm around his waist and led him out of the barn. "Like you said, we've got too much."

Sully caught her eye and she turned away as they walked, self-consciousness casting its spell again. The hawk squawked past them, its voice high-pitched and deafening, stopping them in front of the house.

Michaela put her hand over her ear as it flew away, and Sully watched it, mystified. "I swear that bird is following me."

Michaela shook her head, not understanding, and slid her hand down to his. "Let's go inside," she said lightly. But Sully was still watching the bird. She stopped and turned as he stayed frozen. "Sully?"

"Yeah." He shook his head and followed her inside.

By this time, Colleen had breakfast all set out and ready. Brian popped up from the table and ran to Sully. "Mornin' Sully! Ya gonna have breakfast with us?"

"After I get some willow bark tea in him." Michaela went to the stove and began to make the healing drink.

As Sully sat down, Brian edged up to him hopefully, "Can we go fishin' after school, Sully?"

"I heard that!" Michaela said as she came over with the brewed tea and put it in front of Sully.

"Can we, ma?" Brian asked, jumping up and down.

"You know you have school this morning and then you have to help me at the clinic. I'm expecting a large shipment of medical supplies on the stagecoach this afternoon."

Brian kicked the bench, but agreed, "Alright."

Sully put a comforting hand on Brian's shoulder. "We'll go some other time, Brian."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Sully held out his hand, and they shook on it. Breakfast began with its usual chatter, and after a while, Sully put down his mug and looked decidedly at Michaela.

"I think I'm gonna go huntin' today," Sully announced as he shoved a large portion of eggs and sausage in his mouth.

Michaela's mouth nearly dropped. "Hunting? Sully! You're just going to make yourself worse!"

"I'm fine, thanks to you. I feel better already." He smirked.

Matthew and Colleen chuckled as Michaela and Sully squared off. Then, without warning, Sully began to cough again.

Michaela was the one to smirk this time and quietly poured him another cup. "Drink," she ordered emphatically. Sully raised his eyebrows at her but did as he was told. Color rose in his cheeks as he watched her watching him.

"You're a terrible patient," she commented as she finished eating her eggs, trying not to break her poker face as they silently competed for power.

"Yeah, but I've got a great doctor," he replied. He got her there, and she couldn't help but grin.

As breakfast slowly came to a close, the day's activities began with its usual hustle and bustle; hellos were welcomed, questioned were asked, doors were opened, floors were swept, horseshoes were made, beer was brewed, turkey was roasted, telegrams came, dresses were made, and hearts beat one note away from harmony.

The day was different in a small village east of the Oak Creek. Winter made the families move with the seasons, and now, they were heading south again to escape the miserable Colorado chill.

Their tent was empty now. His hand pressed against her back as she left their home. She looked into his eyes and smiled trustingly. "Tséhnéehóveto ho'h vta nêšêho'há."

Suddenly, the hawk flew above them, and she raised her hand, welcoming it. As it descended from the sky, gun shots screamed through the air. The hawk fell to her feet. Dead.

**Translation: You keep me warm. **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3—"Outside Voices"

As they pulled in front of the clinic, Brian and Colleen barreled off the backend of the wagon and rushed to the schoolhouse. Michaela stayed on the wagon and looked to her right, where Matthew pulled up on his reins and grinned cheekily. "I'm off to Miss Olive's." He hesitated slightly, looking past Michaela to her left. "Have fun with your patient, Dr. Mike."

"Matthew!" Michaela said indignantly. But he was gone, and the only one left to blame was the man next to her, appearing far too please with himself. She glared at him. "You and the children are conspiring against me, aren't you?"

"I'll never tell." Sully jumped off the wagon before she had a chance to retort. He spun around and held out his arms for her. Michaela shook her head before she begrudgingly slid down in his arms. "Alright. I'll see ya later," he said quickly before he kissed her cheek and jetted off towards the meadow.

Michaela grabbed his hand and pulled him back. "Where do you think you're going?"

Sully stared at her blankly. "I told ya. I'm goin' huntin'."

Michaela shook her head and dragged him into the clinic behind her. "Not until you let me examine you properly."

Sully pushed the clinic door shut and watched as she instantly transformed into a doctor. As she picked up her stethoscope on her desk, Sully propped himself against the door, not going near the examination table. When she turned around, he was pouting like a little boy. "Ya really have to examine me?"

"Yes. I need to check for congestion and fluid in your lungs. Come here." He pushed off the door and sauntered in front of her.

"Be gentle." Proficiently, Michaela unbutton his shirt, unaware of his softening face or quickening pulse as she placed the cold metal on his chest.

"Take a deep breath," she ordered as she began to move the chestpiece around his torso. After a few moments, Michaela lifted her eyes, frowning at him. "You're not breathing."

"I'm tryin'." Sully pushed a loose hair back behind her ear. "But you're distractin' me."

Suddenly, he exhaled and stepped closer, closing the space between them. Unprepared for his proximity, Michaela's hand slipped down his torso, and she could hear nothing but his heartbeat. "Sully…." She pushed back, wavering nervously. "N-no one's here!"

Sully paused for a moment, contemplating her words, and then gingerly removed her earphones before circling her face with his palms. "Sometimes ya don't make a lick of sense to me."

He leaned down, pressing his lips to the side of hers. She inhaled and whispered, still hesitating, "What if you're contagious?"

Sully seized the stethoscope from her faltering hands and dropped it to the floor. "Ya don't need that. I'm fine." Michaela's hands pressed against his chest completely, without the protection of her medication degree. She swallowed, not knowing what to do, but knowing he was too close to push away, even if he was still sick. "Besides," he grinned, catching her eyes, "it's you're fault anyway I'm feverish."

"I'm sorry," Michaela apologized, half-meaning it, half-not, but when his lips descended upon hers, she stopping fighting it. He pulled her in, and she felt the complete warmth of his body against hers. She pulled on his open shirt, and for a moment, they were together.

But they couldn't stop the outside voices that constantly threw them off the same plain. She heard the ringing at first, but the sensations of his kiss were too commanding. However, when her name was called, she pushed away from him, shocking them both into reality they weren't ready for. "Michaela!" It was Dorothy. "Are ya there, Michaela?"

"Just one minute!" Michaela called, far too shrilly. She covered her mouth, feeling her swollen lips against her palm. She couldn't think, but she knew that she couldn't let Dorothy see Sully in the middle of her clinic with his shirt wide open. That would be… That would be… Well, she didn't know exactly. She spun him around and pushed him towards the staircase. "Quick! Hide!"

"What!" Sully shuffled his feet as she dragged him to the door. "Michaela, this is—it's only Dorothy!"

"She doesn't need to see you so… so indisposed!" And with one final heave and a good slam, he was behind the closed door.

"Michaela!" Dorothy called again, "Is everything alright in there?"

"Yes, yes! I'm coming! I'm coming!" Michaela threw open the door, plastering a smile on her face as her loosened hair fell down in front of her eyes.

Dorothy's eyes widened as she took in Michaela's appearance. "Why Michaela, are ya feelin' alright this mornin'?"

Michaela smoothed her hair back, trying not to roll her eyes at Dorothy. She was certain Sully was laughing at her somewhere—hopefully somewhere far, far away by now.

They had not known what to do when they had fallen in love. They were so different, so opposite, but it had been a destiny not even tradition could deny. Her father Walks Last had loved her as his own, but he had always known she was different, that she must be kept separate. He had kept his stand until Chasing Hawk had challenged him for her hand. With that, Walks Last knew his fight was over, and Shivering Deer's life began.

Now, as she looked into his eyes, she did not know what to do again. Her hands shook as she covered the wound, but it was so red and dark, too dark to stop, and it pooled in his stomach like a deep well with no ending or source to be found.

"Aenôhenehovohe!" She called his named desperately, as his eyes began to swim away from her. "Nephvóhpone-vai he'nétoo'o ni hováneehestôtse!"

"Esáanêhesóhane—ho'nóhe'nétoo'o ho'xó'ó'ta-vii," he whispered, his breath shallow as his chest rose and met her falling blond hair.

"Ho'nónoo'hová'tov-vta!" She begged as his eyes shook in convulsions. "Hová'âháne! Hová'âháne!"

The falling camp heard her strangled cries, and two armed soldiers rushed to her voice. They pointed their barrels ahead as they moved deeper into the woods towards the tortured wailing.

"Aenôhenehovohe!" The second lieutenant eyed his superior as he heard her words.

"It's one of them squaws, sir. Want me to take care of her like the others?" But the first lieutenant's eyes were caught on the knotted blonde locks of the keeling woman, hovering over a dying brave. He quickly pushed down his subordinate's rifle and shook his head.

"Wait… wait… Look at her…look!" They stared at her back, confused by her contradicting dress and hair.

Suddenly, with all the strength he could muster, Chasing Hawk lifted his arms and surrounded Shivering Deer, embracing her, calming her, comforting her, even as his body fought against the pain.

"He's hurtin' her!" The first lieutenant yelled, running forward and pulling the woman off of the brave.

She felt the distance immediately, and she screamed out again, reaching for Chasing Hawk. "Hová'âháne!"

"Don't worry, m'am, we won't let him hurt ya!" But she kicked and screamed as they began to drag her away, and as she stared into their white faces, the white words wouldn't come to beg them to stop, and the second lieutenant lifted his barrel, aiming at Chasing Hawk's wounded body.

Chasing Hawk's dark eyes turned to her blue eyes, and as he lifted his hand, the soldier dropped his finger.

Blue rolled to white, and Shivering Deer collapsed.

**Translation: SD: Chasing Hawk! I must close the door of death!**

**CH: It cannot be that way—it is not our door to close.**

**SD: Don't leave me behind! **

**SD: No! No!**

As Sully road through the woods, he couldn't get her voice out of his mind. Last night, that morning… everything she did and said made his head spin. He stopped, pushing against an evergreen in frustration. Frost covered the ground, but as he closed his eyes, he swore he could smell the grass underneath the rime.

It had been something in her kiss that was new, different, something he had yet to discover about her. They were so close, so close to… to something, but as always, she had pulled away. Perhaps if Dorothy hadn't shown up, the kiss would have ended differently, without her shoulders tensing, her body retreating and her eyes wide with embarrassment and fear.

Wolf pawed Sully's leg, giving him the last nudge he needed to make his decision. He had to see her again.

Dorothy walked backed to the door, after asking Michaela every question under the sun except the one she was dying to ask most.

"Well Michaela, I suppose I should be gettin' back to the store before Loren sends out a search party for me."

"Alright," Michaela said absentmindedly, her eyes gliding towards the back door again. "See you later."

"Michaela, have I been keepin' you from a patient?"

"What?" Michaela turned quickly towards Dorothy, gathering herself. "Of course not!"

"Then why has everythin' I've said gone in one ear and out the other?"

Michaela shook her head apologetically. "I'm sorry, Dorothy. I didn't realize I was so… distracted."

Dorothy stepped closer, a mischievous spark lighting her eyes. "This wouldn't be about Sully, would it?"

Just as she was about to confide in Dorothy, Horace burst through the front door of the clinic. "Dr. Mike! That shipment ya wanted just got here on the stage coach!"

Michaela exhaled and moved past Dorothy, following Horace outside. Dorothy quietly stepped out the door, knowing that Michaela was completely closed off now. Perhaps she could find a moment later to figure out exactly what was going on with her friend. Off the record, of course.

Midday arrived and the children returned just in time to help her unload the stagecoach, and Michaela put Matthew in charge of the heavy crates. She smiled as she dug through the crates, lifting a new box of **phosphoproteins, fundamental to neurological health, a recommendation by Dr. Charcot. She sighed, medicine being the only thing that could distract her from her outside distraction. **"I'm so glad this shipment came in on time."

Colleen turned slightly as she arranged the shelves, noticing how focused her ma seemed to be. "We were runnin' awful low on some of it, Dr. Mike."

As Sully came back into town, he saw Matthew carrying a crate into the clinic. He could hear them talking inside, and he wondered how Michaela had handled Dorothy after he had climbed out of the window. He stepped into the clinic, and Brian was the first one to catch his eye.

"Hey Sully!" he greeted him brightly.

However, her eyes were hazed over with bottles and boxes, and she only looked at him a moment before going back to work. "Well, I thought you were going hunting?"

Sully shrugged, grinning to himself as he watched her retreat into her pills and prescriptions. "Changed my mind. The sun's out. Grass smells sweet." She couldn't help but smile as he leaned slightly on the examination table, his eye heavy and heated. "Besides, I wanted to see you again."

Like a firefly, he watched her flicker away as he reminded her of that morning. "Well, we just saw each other an hour ago. Hmph."

She tried to go back to work, but she could feel him sneaking up on her, not letting her hide behind her work. He eased into her neck and kissed the flesh behind her ear. "I missed you."

"Sully! The children!" She started, her serenity gone completely with his touch as her eyes flew to the laughing children and her heart stayed still and stubborn.

His hand slipped down to her arm. She knew he wanted to talk. She understood that look in his eyes, so she looked away, reaching for anything in the crate. "Let's go someplace. Grace's. For some pie."

Michaela stopped, gripping a bottle of Ipecac for dear life. "Now?"

"Right now." Sully tugged her a little bit, trying his best to loosen that hold.

"That sounds lovely… But it's impossible." She quickly turned back to the crate and without thinking, put the bottle of Ipecac back inside. Suddenly her hands were free. She needed morphine now.

Sully leaned forward, watching her disjointed movements as she avoided him. "Why?"

"I wish you'd ask me in advance. Make plans." She huffed, frustration taking over.

"Well change 'em!" Sully said, finding himself to be perfectly reasonable.

"I can't just drop everything!" She turned back to the crate, as he captured one of her hands and Quinine cradled the other.

"Sure ya can." Sully looked to the kids for help.

"Come on ma!" Brian jumped in right away.

"Ya don't have patients 'til later," Colleen helped, smiling slightly at Sully.

"We'll finish up here." Matthew grinned triumphantly, knowing that the three of them were a convincing lot.

"Sully, I'm sorry—" But Michaela didn't get to finished her thought as he groaned and swooped her up in his arms, dashing her out of the clinic. And despite herself, she laughed, "Sully what are you doing? Sully!"

He laughed too, finally seeing that glow back in her face and her eyes as he caught her off guard. She wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, and they smiled broadly for a moment as she dared to dream that he would carry her far, far away.

But he couldn't carry her away as the army wagon rolled into town, and the first lieutenant pulled on his reins and began to boast of the army's exploits, "Ya folks will be happy to know we eliminated another Indian threat from your peaceful town. Just the other side of Oak Creek we encountered a band of dog soldiers. My men engaged in some of the bravest fightin' I've ever seen!"

Michaela could feel Sully's body change next to hers, the easy nature he had suddenly vanished and his jaw set hard.

"How many'd ya get?" Loren asked eagerly.

"Let's just say that not a one of them was left standin'." They stared at each other, and she saw the ice form in his eyes, not knowing what the truth was as more people died in the unnamed war.

"A round of whiskey's on the house!" Hank piped up, thrilled for the massacre.

"Thank ya." The lieutenant accepted. Then he remembered the strange woman they found in the camp. "First there's a woman in the back of the wagon. Let's leave her here with the good doctor."

Michaela rushed from the edge of the porch. Sully followed her.

"What'd ya bring here back here for?" Jake asked, assuming the worst.

"We rescued her from the savages," the lieutenant answered, assuming the best.

"An Injun woman?" Jake speculated.

Then Michaela saw her. Blonde hair down. Indian dress. She lifted her face. She had a sweet face. She looked in Sully's eyes and said, "She's not an Indian. She's a white woman."

The woman moaned, and Michaela reacted immediately, examining her face and head. Words were coming, words she couldn't understand, and the woman screamed, jumping out of the wagon, as if she were being shot, "Aenôhenehovohe!"

Before she could fall to the ground, she fell in Sully's arms.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4—"The Circus"

Sully grasped the dead weight of the woman in his arms, holding her close as the town began to circle her like buzzing flies, speculating, salivating to take a bite out of this contradiction, this stranger.

Horace scratched his head, inching closer, observing her dirty hands and torn dress. "Looks like she was their prisoner."

Loren nodded in agreement. "They must have been forcin' her to wear that injun dress."

Jake, always the ring leader, raised his eyebrows and leaned back suggestively. "Forcin' her to do all kinda things."

Michaela caught Dorothy's eyes across the street as Loren and Jake glared at the woman. She knew exactly what they were thinking, and she couldn't believe she allowed her thoughts to travel there as well. Michaela shook her head and turned to Sully, but he was already moving away from the lines towards the clinic.

Michaela quickly followed him, and she could already see the frustration and disgust in his back and shoulders.

Dorothy quickly moved through the crowd of people and grasped Michaela's hand before she made it to the clinic door. "I'd like to talk to her," she asked eagerly as the rest of the townsfolk tried to peek inside at the White Indian woman.

Sully stopped and adjusted the woman in his arms. "She's a sick woman, not a story, Dorothy."

And with that, he went into the clinic. Michaela watched him place the woman down on the table and turned back to the pressing crowd. "She's not talking to anyone at the moment, she needs treatment."

Michaela turned from them, and just as they attempted to push their way inside, Sully came back to the door and slammed it in their faces.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The room was deathly quiet as Michaela began to examine the woman. Michaela lifted her hand—dirt was deeply embedded in her nails and the edges of her cuticles were singed with the hope of dried blood.

Michaela glanced at Sully as she held her hand open and felt her wrist for a pulse. He nodded knowingly. "It's not hers, is it?"

"I can't find the wound anywhere." Sully took the stethoscope from Colleen's hands and gave them to Michaela.

"Here," he said with a soft smile. Michaela quickly took the instrument out of his hands, pretending she didn't see the sweet, inappropriate grin on his face.

She stepped in front of him and pressed the chestpiece against the woman's heart. "Her heartbeat seems strong ... Her breathing is regular."

Suddenly, her eyes caught the slight indention at the top of her skull, and Michaela quickly ran her fingers through her matted hair, finding her way to the cut flesh.

Colleen pushed to her tippy-toes, wanting to see the action. "What's wrong with her, Dr. Mike?"

Mike shook her head. "The wound doesn't look too deep…"

Then, like a caged tiger breaking loose, the woman inhaled sharply and burst off of the table, her eyes wild as she knocked and clawed the new supplies off of the shelves, sending Brian, Colleen, and Matthew fleeing across the room, as if they were being attacked by an animal.

"Don't be frightened!" Michaela cried out, trying to reach her without success. The woman was spinning, looking up, the blue gone and the white taking over, searching for her Aenôhenehovohe, something familiar, but nothing was familiar or right, and there were too many people around, too many people talking, but then, there were two large hands on her shoulders. Then, she was back in the woods, being pulled away from Aenôhenehovohe. She clawed his shirt, her fingers tangling in his necklaces as she pushed away from him. Her finger hooked around a pouch at the end of rawhide, and he held up the medicine bag for her. "Hováneeh ónêšeotse vai! No one will hurt you! Hováneeh ónêšeotse vai!"

Michaela gauged the woman as she calmed momentarily, clutching the Indian medicine bag, holding on to its tanned familiarity for dear life. Michaela came up beside her, "It's alright. No one will hurt you."

The woman shook, the gentle foreign voice no comfort as she sought solace, only finding the medicine pouch and connected to that, a man—a white man with pleading blue eyes that weren't white.

Sully spoke rapidly as she froze, chilled in his eyes, "No one will hurt you. Hováneeh ónêšeotse vai!"

Matthew, pressed against the wall, asked quickly, "Does she understand Cheyenne?"

"He-véhestove vai étónêsóotse?" Sully asked as he helped her sit back on the examination tab, her arms now solidly attached to his forearms.

Colleen almost stepped forward to help, but when the only made feral moaning cries from the back of her throat, she stayed back in the corner. "I don't think understands Cheyenne or English."

Brian stepped away from the wall, fascination and concern filling his eyes as he observed her. "Maybe she's just too scared to talk is all."

Michaela nodded, putting her hand on Brian's back. "You may be right, Brian. Why don't you all stay with her a minute?"

Michaela quickly reached for Sully's elbow, and he fumbled blindly for her hand as he took his arms and hands back from the woman. As the children hesitantly replaced him, he finally escaped with Michaela into the hallway, out of the circus ring.

"What do you…" Michaela stopped suddenly, feeling the warm liquid against her palm, and lifted his hand, seeing a deep scratch mark from the top of his finger to the bottom of his wrist. "Are you alright?"

Sully tried to take his hand away, feigning indifference to the pain. "I'm fine. It's nothin'. She just—"

Michaela held his hand in her own, ignoring his protests as she quickly pulled a spool of gauze from her apron, wrapping his left hand quickly. "When she's settled, I'll take care of you." They eyes caught for a moment, but Michaela continued hurriedly, "Her nails were filled with dirt and—"

"I gotcha, Dr. Mike," Sully swallowed, still trying to catch his breath. "With the way everyone was circlin' her, I'm surprised she didn't do worse."

"What do you make of her?" Michaela asked as she saw the red come through the white.

Sully took his bandaged hand back, feeling the open flesh under the white. "She doesn't trust anyone. And after the massacre she's just seen, I can't say I blame her."

Michaela frowned, baffled by actions and words. "But the army said they rescued her."

_The army._ Sully had lost all faith in the United States army after the Sand Creek Massacre. _The army. What hypocrites and liars_. He leaned forward, feeling his voice grow raspy. "Then why isn't she happy to see us? Wherever she came from, she musta been livin' with the Indians a while. She's adopted their ways."

Michaela didn't know what to think, but she saw the sure look in Sully's eyes, and somehow she knew to trust it, even though she was blind to it. Suddenly, Colleen's cracked voice broke through the hallway door, "Sully, Dr. Mike! She's gone!"

Michaela pushed past Sully as he stumbled back but kept following her. "What?" Michaela burst into the room, pushing her hair back, a moment of vertigo hitting her, as she wondered if it was anything close to how the stranger felt.

Matthew tried to stop her but she just walked out!" Brian cried, running towards the clinic door. Michaela looked toward her open front door, swinging like a fence gate, and she could hear the crowd outside as they finally got the show they had been waiting for.

As the woman breathed the outside air once again, a net of hands and voices were soon cast upon her, pulling her in, talking to her in clown voices, over animated jugglers trying to touch and twirl and throw her out onto a tightrope of normalcy.

"Welcome to our town!" Horace said boisterously, making her jump away.

Dorothy caught her elbow and talked slowly, as if she were speaking to a dull child, "My name's Dorothy Jennings ... What's your name?"

Jake jumped to the other side. "What'd those savages do to you?"

Loren said more than asked, "Did they hurt you?"

Dorothy closed her arm around the woman protectively. "I don't think she wants to talk about that right now, fellas. I bet she wants to get out of those dirty clothes and into something nice."

Loren nodded, grabbing her other arm. "Let's take her over to the store!"

Sully and Michaela pushed their way through the roaring crowd, and Michaela scrabbled for Sully's good hand, but he had already made his way ahead, his voice booming out across the townsfolk. "I don't think that's such a good idea."

Jake scoffed at him as the mob pushed her towards the store. "Whattya you know?"

The crowd marched away from the clinic, leading their star attraction to her dressing room. Sully reached for Michaela hand behind him, but she had already moved ahead with the children and the townsfolk.

As Loren charged ahead into his store, he turned around and smiled at the wide eyed creature, offering generously, "Anything you want—free, of course."

"We'll get you all cleaned up." Dorothy took a cloth from the counter, wiping the dirt off her face like a clown's white make-up.

"I'll give you a nice haircut." Jake's fingers turned into a pair of scissors and he sliced her hair, causing the woman to jump away towards the door.

Dorothy reached for a dark blue fabric, the woman's eyes twitching back and forth between the two points. "I know you're nervous, but we're all real nice folks!"

Horace spread his hands out, offering himself. "You'll like us once you get to know us!"

Dorothy finally grabbed the dress and pressed it against the woman's chest. "This color goes real pretty with your eyes."

The woman shook her head, feeling the bars of her cage pushing up once again. Dorothy grimaced, but continued, forcing a lighter blue dress in her face. "Alright, if you don't like that one, we'll try this one."

The Reverend tried to pull Horace and Jake back, seeing the woman's eyes flash white. "I think she's a little overcome—"

However, it was more than hands and scissors and gestures and dressers, the bars flashed through her veins, and suddenly, her muscles stopped performing and went completely rigid. The blue turned to white, and she fell backwards, gasping for air before she passed out in Matthew's arms.

"Dr. Mike!" he screamed as he held her limp form. Michaela and Sully finally made their way inside, and Michaela dropped to the ground next to the semi-unconscious woman.

"Give her some room!" Michaela ordered the crowd, as she began to examine her. The show was closing, and the crowd obeyed, but they still didn't stop gawking at the woman. Sully kneeled down beside Michaela, waiting for her diagnosis.

Losing patience, Loren pressed, "What's wrong with her?"

Jake offered his diagnosis, "Maybe she's sick or somethin'."

Dorothy rolled her eyes, sensing Jake's meaning. "It's probably just from that hit on the head she took."

Finally, the spasm stopped and the woman calmed, as if nothing had ever happened. Michaela lifted her eyelids and found her pupils normal. She glanced at Sully and whispered doubtfully, "It could be a concussion."

Sully nodded and put his hand over the woman's, whispering gently to her, "Má'heóná'e vovóhnêhešéh vta."

The woman nodded slowly before her eyes shuttered. Sully turned around and looked angrily at the audience. "She doesn't want anything from you right now."

Loren murmured under his breath and Jake tipped his hat, raising his eyebrows as he felt her rejection. Dorothy clamped her mouth shut and walked to the back of the store. There would not be a standing ovation for the performer.

Sully glared at the crowd once more before he caught Matthew's eyes and asked him to help carry her.

The circus was over, but Michaela still carried the rings as she walked behind them to the clinic.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5—"Across the Room"**

_She_ sat in a chair, holding the edges as the strange, beautiful lady sat before her, smiling calmly. _She_ did not know what to think of her. The lady held out her hands for hers. She didn't know what to do. She seemed kind. She wouldn't hurt her, would she?

"Matthew?" Michaela asked softly, not taking her eyes away from the strange, disheveled woman. "Is the water ready yet?"

Matthew jolted from his daydreams and checked the bucket of steaming water hanging over the fire place. He lifted the handle and poured the liquid into a large basin, his eyes traveling across the room towards the two quiet women beside the dinner table.

He lowered his voice as he crossed the distance, placing the basin next to Michaela on the floor. "Here... That'll be nice and warm for her."

"Thank you, Matthew." Michaela smiled, as Matthew stood there awkwardly, shuffling his feet for a few moments. Michaela cleared her throat, gesturing towards the door. "Why don't you bring us some more firewood while I clean her up?"

Matthew grabbed Brian hand and quickly left the house, only looking back once. He wasn't used to being around women like that, and she was nothing like his Ingrid.

Michaela looked in the woman's eyes and smiled again. Slowly, Michaela soaked a sponge in the warm water, squeezing out the excess before holding out her hands again for the suspicious woman. "You can trust me," Michaela whispered. "These hands won't hurt you."

With great effort, the woman removed her hands from the chair and placed a curled knot into Michaela's palm. From across the room, Colleen watched as the woman slowly relaxed as her ma bathed her, as the dirt left her skin and it became a golden white again, as her eyes softened from sapphires to oceans.

Just as Michaela was finishing cleaning her feet, the boys returned and stood uncomfortably by the door. Matthew, curiosity plaguing him, swallowed and looked across the room towards the woman. But, the moment he did, she turned suddenly and looked him directly in the eye. Without a second thought, Matthew bolted across the room and proceeded to make himself busy by the fire, whittling a piece of wood.

"There," Michaela said, dropping the dirty sponge in the basin. She sat back on her heels, catching her breath, but before she could lift her head, she felt two hands on either side of her face. The woman slowly lifted her face, causing Michaela to freeze at her touch.

Colleen's eyes widened and she stepped forward, whispering, "What's she doin', Dr. Mike?"

But Michaela couldn't answer Colleen. She didn't know, and she couldn't speak. The woman opened her mouth and closed her eyes, trying to find the words, trying to remember what to say, so she could say thank you.

But, it was so long ago.

She shook her head and opened her eyes. She caressed the side of Michaela's face and then nodded, looking into her eyes for recognition. Michaela placed her hand over the woman's and smiled, letting her know it was alright, even if they couldn't speak to each other.

Quietly, Colleen walked across the room to her dresser and picked up her grandmother's silver brush. Holding the dear possession close to her chest, she whispered, "Think she'll let me brush her hair?"

"You could try..." Michaela gently removed the woman's hands from her face and reached for a dry cloth. "Be very gentle. And talk to her."

"I thought she didn't understand English, Ma." Brian finally spoke up, wandering across the room as he sat on the bench across from Matthew, observing the women.

"Even if she doesn't, she'll know by your tone that she can trust you."

Colleen nodded cautiously and stepped behind the woman. "I'm just gonna brush your hair a little."

Colleen took one stroke down her long main and paused. She tensed slightly but did not move away. After a few more strokes, the woman's shoulders relaxed and she looked over her shoulder, watching Colleen's careful work. Michaela sat back and smiled as she watched the woman close her eyes, seeming to find some kind of peace under Colleen's attention.

Matthew noticed and dropped the extra kindling in front of the hearth. He sat next to Brian and whispered in his ear, "She sure is pretty."

Brian nodded, not taking his eyes off of this interesting woman. "Yeah, she's got a real nice face. Maybe she'd like to be our friend?"

Michaela raised her eyebrows as she overheard their "secret" comments. A pretty face could always turn Matthew's head, but little Brian too? She observed the woman's face intently for a few moments. To Michaela, she looked like she belonged among the trees and rivers and rocks of the earth—a creature of nature. Wild. Different. Her hands weren't soft when she had touched her, but she had a sweet face.

Suddenly, the woman opened her eyes again and reached for the brush. Colleen hesitated slightly. "My grandma gave this to me. The handle's made of silver."

The woman stared at it, transfixed, and ran her fingers over it like she was playing the keys of an old piano, invoking some kind of lost memory. Sensing it, Colleen relinquished the treasured gift and put the brush completely in the woman's hands.

"Go on, try it yourself."

The woman held the brush to her head but did not move it. She looked back at Colleen, lost. Patiently, Colleen pretended to comb her hair with a brush, and then, the woman understood her. She began to brush her own hair. She gasped as the brush pushed through strands of long hair and her eyes scanned from Colleen to Brian to Matthew to Michaela. She closed her eyes again, fighting something that wanted to break free but couldn't.

Brian stood from the bench and moved close to Michaela on the floor. "Looks like she's rememberin' somethin'."

Michaela nodded, knowing exactly what it felt like to be alone and have no one understand or accept her. But she couldn't say that out loud, so instead, she simply said, "I believe you're right Brian."

She pulled him close, and she swallowed hard as she watched tears come to the woman's eyes.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"So, my friend, I see you are well again." Cloud Dancing reached for Sully's hand as he jumped off his horse at the Reservation.

Sully nodded, a small grin etching the corners of his mouth. "Dr. Mike took care of me."

Cloud Dancing raised his eyebrows. "I see. And the _other_ sickness?"

Sully shrugged, trying not to think about her dismissive tone that morning when he wanted to spend time with her. "We're workin' on it. She's been kinda busy… Well, we've been kinda busy…"

"Too busy to talk?"

Sully sighed. "The army killed a bunch of dog soldiers this mornin' over by Oak Creek, and the only survivin' member of the party was a white woman who's been livin' with 'em."

Cloud Dancing paused, studying Sully's face. "Out of choice?"

Sully nodded. "That's what my gut tells me."

Cloud Dancing shook his head. "She will have a difficult life now. You know this."

Sully knew what he meant. He didn't want to talk about it, but he knew that Cloud Dancing wanted him to say it. "After Abby died, I didn't want to go back to the white world, I know. But this is different. She's been forced into the town. There ain't no choice in it."

Cloud Dancing absorbed his words. "Where is she now?"

"With Dr. Mike."

Cloud Dancing smiled. "A good place for her to be."

Sully grinned at that. "The best."

Cloud Dancing stopped. He often wandered if Sully really understood how special Dr. Mike was, but somehow, he knew that he did, or at least, he soon would. "Is there anything I can do for this woman?"

Sully nodded, thinking back to the fiasco that afternoon. "Well… Miss Dorothy tried to give her a bunch of dresses, but she didn't take too well to 'em. I know Miss Dorothy meant well, but—"

"Ah. Snowbird can help with this. Come with me." When they turned down the center row of teepees, Cloud Dancing looked down and saw the bandages. "What happened to your hand?"

Sully shook it off, putting his hand behind his back. "It's nothin'. The woman didn't know where she was. She was scared and she scratched me, that's all."

"She's marked you, my friend. I didn't warn you last time, but I'm warning you now." Cloud Dancing put his hand on Sully's shoulder. "Be careful."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"He really hypnotizes his patients!" Colleen stared at Michaela, completely flabbergasted. "You wouldn't do that, would ya, Dr. Mike?"

"Well, I _never _say_ never,_ Colleen." Michaela winked and went back to her thick Charcot text book.

Matthew laughed and continued whittling a piece of wood while occasionally staring at the woman. Brian's eyes were also on the woman, who was sitting in front of the fire and gazing into the flames. She looked so sad to him, like a little wounded animal. He quietly walked to his bed and pulled his quilt off, bunching it up in a ball until it was almost bigger than he was. He walked back to the fire, lowering the ball, just so he could barely see her face.

"You warm enough?" he asked. She didn't answer him or really seem to hear him. Brian twisted his lip dejectedly and dropped his blanket on the floor. Then, he picked up the ends and draped them over her shoulders. "Well...just in case..."

Michaela looked up from her book, a slow smile etching the side of her mouth as she watched her little boy.

The woman realized that the blanket was around her and pulled it closer, then suddenly lifted her gaze. Brian followed it to the coffee pot sitting on top of the mantle. He pointed at it. "That's a coffee pot. You make coffee in it. Tastes yucky if you ask me, but folks seem to like it."

Her eyes widened, and Brian grinned as something sparked. Slowly, her eyes shifted to a lantern sitting next to the hearth. She frowned and tilted her head. Brian stood and picked it up and held it in front of her. "It makes light when there's no fire goin'. That way you can carry the light around with ya."

She inhaled, and slowly slid her finger out of the blanket, seeing a pink seashell sitting in the corner. Brian quickly put down the lantern and grabbed the seashell, bringing it back to her. "It's a sea shell. I got it when I went to Boston. If you hold it to your ear, you can hear the ocean."

Brian gently pressed the seashell next to her ear and waited. Suddenly she jerked away when she heard the waves, but quickly went back, her eyes wide, remembering, remembering it all, as she heard the ocean again for the first time in years.

But, before she could see them, there was a knock at the door. Matthew jumped up and opened it, letting Sully inside. _ Her_ eyes brightened as he nodded to the beautiful lady, barely touching her arm in hello before he walked across the room and came to her, holding out the softest buckskin dress she had ever seen, finer than anything her husband had ever given to her.

"Brought something for you." Sully smiled as he saw the look in her eyes, realizing that Snowbird had been right and she would love the dress.

She shyly took the dress from his hands and retreated into the alcove, gazing at him before she disappeared. _Who was this man and why had he chosen her?_

Michaela watched her walk away, trying to maintain her façade even though Sully's back was to her. She remembered the first time he had given her a gift. She hadn't been able to contain the smile from spreading across her face as she ran her fingers across her name on the wooden shingle. _But, this was different, right?_

"That was very thoughtful of you," she said as brightly as possible, realizing that she was monitoring her own voice, wanting him to turn around and look at her instead of staring at the shadow in the alcove.

Hearing something off-key in her voice, Sully shrugged. "She had to have somethin' to wear."

He turned and looked at her, catching her smile that didn't make it to her eyes. He wanted those eyes smiling too.

But then she looked away as the woman came out. Sully turned. He was staring at this woman and he had no idea why. Maybe it was the way she was looking at him. Her eyes were filled with hope. She was beautiful.

Michaela exclaimed sincerely, "You look lovely." She didn't even have to look at Sully to know, but she needed him to say it. "Doesn't she Sully?"

Sully didn't even hear the question before thinking of his answer. It was natural. "Yes, she does."

Michaela exhaled, needing to move, needing to stop feeling that gnawing ache in the pit of her stomach she had never felt before in her life. "It's late. Perhaps we should all think about getting some sleep."

She quickly moved across the room, past Sully, not looking at him at all.

But, Michaela missed his outstretched arms, reaching for her.

She turned around when she got to her bed and pulled back the covers. She looked towards the woman, her strange feelings now repressed, and offered, "You can take my bed. I'll share with Colleen."

"I'm afraid she's not use to sleepin' in a bed," Sully said as he took the blanket discarded on the floor and laid it in front of the fire for the woman. The woman sank to the blankets, her voice finding its words again, words that were closer in her mind than those deeply imbedded in her heart. "Hahóo," she said, putting her hand over her heart, letting the words rest there.

Michaela dropped the sheets on the bed. "What'd she say?"

Sully glanced at Michaela as the woman gripped his arm. "She said thank you."

Michaela smiled, feeling relief that they now knew that the woman could communicate. "That's wonderful!"

Sully nodded and smiled at the woman, patting her hand in reassurance. "Well, goodnight."

But her grip was powerful and her words were pleading, "Nenóvoo'e vé'še vai!"

Michaela watched Sully hesitate and she asked, not understanding the looks flashing between them, "What does she want?"

Sully looked fully at Michaela as his hand slid into the woman's hand easily. "She wants me to stay with her."

Michaela nodded once, watching the woman curl close beside Sully, as he leaned against the wall, his knees edging up to his chest sheepishly. Michaela wasn't sure what to do. Should she be bothered? She had made completely unfounded presumptions about him and Dorothy before when he was simply learning how to dance _for her_. She had been completely and utterly foolish in that situation. But, even then, when she had felt the twinges of jealousy, she had _never_ felt like this. This was… right in front of her eyes. Could she be jealous? This poor woman had lost everything. If Sully could offer her some kind of comfort, could help her communicate, then who was she to object?

_What should she do now?_ What should she do? Go to sleep. The obvious choice. She looked down at her green and black dress. But, first she should get undressed. She looked at Sully again as she rolled down her bed sheets. _Getting undressed._ Why hadn't he turned away when Catherine was changing behind the curtain? There had been nothing to see but light and shadows, but still, he could see her shadow. _The thought was there. _

Sully frowned as he watched her brow furrow in deep thought. He could tell her mind was traveling; he only wished he knew what she was thinking. As he held this strange woman's hand, he held it easily, comfortably, but he had never wanted to run further away in his life. The look in Dr. Mike's eyes was enough to keep him up all night. He needed to talk to her. But the kids were settling down, and the woman held his hand like he was her lifeline.

Michaela quickly crossed the room, breaking her eye contact with him, and went behind the curtain in the alcove. The fire blazed behind them, sending her shadow towering across the room, across the ceiling, in flashes and sirens as Michaela tore down the front of her dress, taking her aggression out on her buttons.

Sully's mouth dropped as the shadows became closer to real images, and he wasn't sure if he was seeing things or if his imagination was playing tricks on him. But, the darkness had amplified the light, and he could see her. He quickly averted his eyes, knowing how precious her modesty was to her. He couldn't take advantage of that, no matter how much part of him was kicking him for looking away. 

He brought his bandaged hand up to his forehead, and he realized he was sweating. He felt nauseous, completely and utterly nauseous.

Suddenly, the curtain pushed back, but he couldn't look at her yet. She would know. He was sure of it. He was already warm by the fire, but at this point, he was probably going to run a fever again.

Michaela stopped and looked at him. His face was buried in his hand, and his back was rising up and down in long, deep breaths. She felt the knot twist in her stomach again, and she turned away, not wanting to know.

She peeked into Brian and Colleen's room, seeing that Brian was already sleeping, but Colleen was still awake. She whispered, "Good night. I love you both very much."

Colleen looked up and whispered back, "I love you too, Dr. Mike…. Dr. Mike?"

"Yes Colleen?"

Colleen leaned up on her side, careful not to wake Brian. "How come she didn't trust us at first, but she trusts us now?"

Michaela pulled on the curtain between them, running her hands on either side of the thin fabric. "Because trust is something you have to earn. I'm sure people like us have probably broken her faith and trust, so she had to see that we wouldn't hurt her."

"Like the army?"

"Probably." Colleen lowered her eyes, thinking, as she put her head back on the pillow. Michaela watched her, as she thought about her own words. "Goodnight, sweetheart."

Colleen nodded, and Michaela closed the curtain.

The room was dark except for the fire as she walked across the room towards her bed. She didn't look at Sully. In the blackness of night, she could fully admit to herself that she did not like seeing him hold another woman's hand. She did not like him looking at another woman. She did not like him admiring another woman. She didn't want there to be another woman anywhere near him.

She slid in between the sheets and turned to the opposite side of the wall. But, it wasn't even another woman. They hadn't had a chance to talk all day long. She needed to talk to him. Something, very deeply, was still wrong and they hadn't discussed it. But, she didn't even know if she could find the words to tell him how she felt. They were so locked within her soul; she didn't know if she could ever share them with anyone.

Then, as if he had floated across the room, she felt a slight pressure on her back, and something not quite a murmur, "Talk to me."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6—"Learning Cheyenne"**

As his hand pressed against her lower back, she closed her eyes tightly, steeling herself even as his hand grew warmer and her need to turn around and shake him became increasingly more appealing.

Sully waited, but she made no attempt to turn around or even acknowledge that she was aware of his presence, although he was perfectly aware that she was. He turned around, looking back where the woman was nearly passed out by the fire, and he opened his ears further for the children. Not a sound. Sully suppressed a groan. Michaela was going to talk to him, whether she liked it or not.

He slid his moccasins off and removed his hand from her back. Whether she knew it or not, she audibly exhaled.

But, she sighed too quickly.

Before she had time to inhale, the bed sank beside her and was replaced by the weight of a man. The weight of a man—something she didn't know if she was truly ready to carry. In the darkness, she could smell him, every inch of him…He was like a worn saddle tanned by hand or an oak tree, carved with the patient whittling knife of God. Almost perfect. If only they could carve each other's heart to make it fit inside the other's.

However, when she felt his arm wrap around her body, she gave herself away and gasped. Sully couldn't help but grin a little bit. She had given it her all—a valiant effort in his mind.

"Did I wake ya?" He whispered cheekily into her hair.

Michaela gritted her teeth. Did he actually dare to be **cute** right now? She found his hand over the covers, grasped it with her fingers, and tried to move it away from her. "Don't."

Sully fought for her hand, covering it with him own until their fingers were completely tangled. "Please…"

"It's too late for this, Sully. Go back… Go back to her." Michaela's hand went completely limp in his, giving up. "She needs you."

Sully paused, hearing a tinge of self-protectiveness in her voice that alarmed him. He tightened his hold on her loose hand, and without thinking, whispered, "Ho'nónaéo'hémeotse?"

Michaela closed her eyes again, not understanding why her cheeks were suddenly damp, or why she was holding his hand so tightly, as if he might vanish at any moment, or why he was speaking to her that way, or why she hadn't made him leave yet. Attempting to control her voice, she whispered back, "I can't understand you."

"You don't need me?" Sully said softly, correcting himself. Michaela's throat burned and she could hardly speak. He pulled her into him like a half moon finding its night's sky. She was almost comfortable if she hadn't been so terribly uncomfortable with his words. He leaned his forehead against her shoulder, listening to her heartbeat from behind, trying to understand her hesitation behind the protected vessel. "Can ya even say it?"

"How—how do you say it?" Michaela mumbled into the blankets, her words hardly audible.

"What?" Sully leaned over her, and Michaela reluctantly rolled to her back, thankful it was dark so he couldn't see the annoying tears on her face.

"How do you say it in Cheyenne?" She clarified, gazing at his figure darkly through fallen lashes.

His head fell beside hers, and he said simply, "Naéo'hémeotse."

"That's beautiful." She lifted her eyes, finding him there, right next to her. She took a deep breath, her brow furrowing as she concentrated on the melodious language. "Nah-o—"

She stopped, not hearing the right sound coming from her voice.

"Open your lips more…" Sully lifted his gauzed hand, his free fingers finding her lips. It'll help round out your vowels."

The room was black, and all she could feel were the tips of his fingers tracing the open carven of her mouth. She opened her mouth, and he could feel her breath against his skin. Unable to stop himself, he whispered, "He'kéa'e ahtse."

He felt her lips spread under his touch as she suppressed a frustrated laugh. "And what does _that_ mean?"

He leaned closer, running his thumb across her bottom lip, quieting her rumble immediately. "Soft lips."

He let his hand run pass the crease in her lips to the side of her cheek and stopped when he realized she had been crying. "Héheehaénéóhtse," he whispered sadly, then gently, with no warning, kissed the side of her cheek, where hidden tears were. And then into her ear, he revealed her secret, "Your eyes have tears."

Michaela gripped her entire body, not wanting to admit her weakness to him or tell him the sickening feeling she hadn't been able to let go of all evening. She brought her hands to his chest, pushing against him, trying to form some kind of distance between them, a distance she wasn't sure truly existed. "Stop…"

He pulled her back, finding the reflection of her eyes in the dark, making sure he saw the truth there before he continued, "I can't. I need to be with ya like this."

"I—" But, her usual protests wouldn't make the right intonations, and she froze, caught in his arms.

He knotted their hands together, wounds and nerves twisting in a strange duet. "Ya need me. Ya don't gotta be so tough all the time."

Michaela nodded, knowing better. "Yes, I do."

"Why? I don't understand."

"I…" She swallowed, the tears coming fast down her face now. She needed to tell him, she needed to tell him now how she felt, because this weight she had been carrying for weeks was eating away at her, stalling her life, and breaking her heart. "I don't know how to love you."

Sully stopped breathing, unable to digest what she was saying. It wasn't physical, it wasn't something he could teach her like Cheyenne, it was just something he felt, something that was natural to him as breathing. But now he couldn't breathe as he looked into her eyes, confused and lost as to what this meant.

Suddenly, the woman began moaning by the fire, causing Michaela and Sully to break away from each other. Michaela felt as if her heart was left wide and bleeding, gaping for the entire world to see, without anyone to mend it as he left her. Sully quickly moved towards the woman, focusing on her, trying to regain control of himself even as he heard Michaela's words spin over and over in his head. _I don't know how to love you. I don't know how to love you. I don't know how to love you. _He couldn't breathe.

"Aenôhenehovohe!" He pulled the woman into his arms, rocking her, as she slowly opened her eyes, catching his eyes in the firelight, and cried, "_Naéo'hémeotse_!"

Michaela sat on the edge of her bed and watched them. She touched her bottom lip and wondered how it could be so easy to say such a difficult word.

………………………………………………………………………………………………...

She had heard him slip out of the homestead at daybreak. Since then, he had been relentlessly chopping wood like the devil was forcing him to do it. Michaela got up quickly, knowing she had to explain what she said. She knew exactly how it sounded. Cold. Harsh. Almost unfeeling. But if he knew how much she really felt, how she couldn't make sense of it all, then maybe he'd understand.

Michaela slipped outside the homestead and stopped, seeing Matthew was already up, helping Sully.

Matthew turned towards the cabin and said, "Mornin' Dr. Mike!"

Michaela smiled at her son, and then looked from some kind of reaction from Sully but didn't receive one. She brightened her smile anyway as she attempted to greet them, "Good morning, Matthew. You certainly got an early start, Sully."

He looked up and nodded once. "Yep."

Michaela swallowed, now wishing she had kept her feelings to herself. He had never looked at her that way. He looked empty. He looked past her.

But Matthew didn't notice. Peering towards the homestead, the young man said wistfully, "I hope she'll feel better today."

Michaela nodded. "At least she got a good night's sleep." As for herself, she didn't sleep at all once Sully left her bed.

All of a sudden, pots and pans rattled in the kitchen, and the woman came bursting through the front door, her eyes looking up, her hands outstretched, searching for something.

Colleen and Brian ran out on her heels. Colleen panicked as she stopped in the doorway, "Dr. Mike! She just woke up!"

"She got scared!" Brian exclaimed sympathetically.

The woman finally saw Sully across the yard and recognized him. She pushed pass Michaela and ran straight into his arms. Sully stepped back, catching her full weight, not use to a woman clinging to him like this.

Sully smoothed down her hair, trying to relieve some of the tension in her body. "Hová'éhe ne'šévae."

Michaela watched the woman's shoulder's go down, and she could only imagine what he said to her. It was like magic.

"You're the only one she feels safe with," Michaela said, meeting his eyes as he held the woman.

"The only one, huh?" He pulled back from the woman, looking hard at Michaela, a look not lost on Colleen, and picked up his axe. "I think she just needs time."

He turned his back and walked to the barn to put his axe away. The woman followed every step he made, as if he was leaving forever. Michaela saw, but there was nothing she could say at that moment that would make anything better.

She turned and went back to the porch. Everything would have to wait. But she had to get out of here. It was too hard to be around him right now. She needed to work. She had to work.

She cleared her throat and spoke up, "I have to go to the clinic today. She seems fine, but I'd feel better if you'd keep an eye on her, Sully. Would you mind taking her with you?"

Sully shrugged, willing to do anything as long as he could breathe again. "I suppose I could."

Without a second look, Sully jumped on his horse and held his hand out for the woman. She took it easily, wrapping her arms around his waist as she road behind him.

Michaela didn't look again. She understood.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7—"Goodbye, My Name is Love"**

**Translation:** "Voneotse ohtsévátanó. Nâhtse'eme véstâhéotse monêstsêhóvan hësta hóseto." _You have lost love. My love (wife) will help you find your heart again._

"Tonóohtá?" _Wait for me?_

After Michaela sent the children off to school, she didn't go straight to the clinic like she intended. Instead, she detoured. She went inside and looked at the well kempt homestead. She had done everything that morning, except make her bed.

She didn't want to admit why.

But she knew. _She knew_.

Slowly, she walked over to the bed and touched the yellow and red quilt. She ran her hand down the left side where he had laid; and as if her mother were watching, she turned around quickly, making sure no one in the empty cabin knew her secrets. Then, indulgently, she lifted the quilt to her face. She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.

Yes, she could still smell him.

Wood, leather, man—all around her. They had been so close. _Too close_. She wanted to crawl up inside of him, yet she blushed at her physical response to his presence. To the physical response she had even now.

And her heart… It was like an open, empty vessel, waiting for him, but she didn't know how to carry him, to make room for him inside a space she had so thoroughly kept clean all of her life.

Her fingers caught on her blouse buttons, and she exhaled, her breath shaking as she felt

him surround her. She wanted him… She wanted him… but how? _How?_ Her hand broke through her shirt clumsily, as she felt the cumbersome weight of her camisole against her breast. Her fingers clutched the pure white skin, unseen by eyes or light since she was a small child, but she found no tenderness for herself there, only a deep hollowness, a loss she could never fill alone. Her fingers turned into a tight fist, and she couldn't stop herself as she hit her chest as hard as she could, breaking her own heart.

"_Why_?_"_ She gripped the blanket, drowning herself in his scent as she closed her eyes and sank to the ground, covering her face and body with yellow and red. _"Why did you tell him?"_

Their ride had been a quiet one.

Sully couldn't stop thinking about the last time Michaela had ridden with him—the day Snowbird had given her Flash. They had fought over the reins the entire journey—she couldn't stand not having her own horse. Eventually, their hands had tangled, and slowly, slowly, slowly, they began to steer the horse together.

As the woman pressed closer to his back, Sully pulled up on his reins by himself as he saw the familiar teepees. He slid off the horse and helped her down. Cloud Dancing couldn't help but notice the distracted eyes of his brother as this misplaced woman clung to his side. He seemed to be stabling this wild creature, although the affect was not mutual. Cloud Dancing had never felt or seen such an unstable stirring in Sully as he did today.

Kindly, he held out his hands for the woman. She peered into his eyes, seeing warmth and wisdom, the same as her father, Walks Last. Slowly, she let go of Sully's hand and took the outstretched hands before her. Cloud Dancing looked into her eyes, seeing the white engulfing the blue, and he knew. He tightened his grip on her hands, sending her his strength, for he knew the intense pain of her unspoken sorrow. "Voneotse ohtsévátanó."

The woman shivered and released his hands, exhaling a cry of relief as someone finally saw and understood her loss. She buried her head in his chest, almost laughing as the pain overwhelmed her. She closed her eyes and remembered her father as Cloud Dancing put his hand protectively over her head. "Nâhtse'eme véstâhéotse monêstsêhóvan hësta hóseto."

As if she had heard him call her, Snowbird appeared from behind the teepee, waiting solemnly at a distance for the woman. The woman pulled back from Cloud Dancing, seeing Snowbird waiting for her. She turned to Sully, and he nodded encouragingly.

"Tonóohtá?" She asked, her eyes filling with gratitude and something she couldn't name yet.

"Yes." Sully nodded as she turned away and went with Snowbird.

Cloud Dancing crossed his arms as the women departed, eyeing him. Sully noticed and shifted, walking past Cloud Dancing. "So what provisions do ya need me to get from—"

"Something has happened." Cloud Dancing stopped him cold.

Sully's head fell, and his back rose in a deep, labored breath. Abruptly, he threw open the flap to Cloud Dancing's teepee and stepped inside, unknowingly trapping himself. "I can't talk about it."

Cloud Dancing followed him and sealed the flap. He sat down on his rugs and waited, watching his friend pace in the small, dark space. Finally, he spoke, "Men who do not talk bloat from hoarding their words."

Sully finally stopped. He tried finding his breath, but he found his words instead. "I think I'm losin' her, Cloud Dancin'."

Cloud Dancing sat back. "Are you sure it is not yourself who is lost?"

"What do ya mean?" Sully sank to his knees.

Cloud Dancing reached for his pipe, busying himself as his voice paid attention to Sully. "I've been watching you, my friend. It's hard to focus on what she needs when you're focusing on what you want."

Sully turned his head, suddenly feeling self-conscious. _Was he really that obvious?_ "You think I'm bein' selfish?"

Cloud Dancing lit his pipe and took a smoke. He exhaled and grinned at Sully knowingly. "No. I think you're a man in love with a beautiful woman. Smoke?"

Sully took the pipe gratefully. He let the smoke move through him, calming his nerves as he admitted softly, "I am that."

"But she's a woman. _A woman_." Cloud Dancing lifted his hands in a gesture of exaltation and reverence. "You must pay close attention. You must take care of her."

Sully slammed the piped down, letting out his frustration. "But she won't let me—"

Cloud Dancing lifted his eyebrows and took back the pipe, packing the tobacco securely in place that Sully had heatedly knocked out. "Not the way you are thinking. You must give her space and show patience. She will come to you when there is distance to cross."

"We were so close last night," Sully whispered, his knuckles tightening in an hard, clinched fist.

"And you are losing your sight because of it. I know Dr. Mike. Her love for you is vast. Don't lose your sight because of distance. It can always be crossed."

Then, Snowbird lifted the flap to the tent and peered inside, an apprehensive look on her normally unreadable face.

"What is it?" Cloud Dancing asked.

"I have done all I can. I think it best she leaves with you now, Sully." Snowbird looked down, her face filling with shame. Sully eyed Cloud Dancing and quickly got up, knowing not to leave the woman alone for very long.

"What is it, nâhtse'eme?" Cloud Dancing reached for her hand as she fell to her knees beside him, reaching to her husband for comfort.

"She was a member of Porcupine Bear's war party." Cloud Dancing's eyes grew wide and he stood quickly, pushing back the flap as he caught Sully helping the woman on his horse.

Sully climbed up behind her. He turned around and looked at Cloud Dancing. "We're gonna go fishin'. Thanks for talkin' to her… and for what ya said. We'll talk later?"

Cloud Dancing nodded, not revealing anything as Snowbird slipped her hand inside his. "Are you going to tell him?" She asked as they watched them ride away.

He squeezed Snowbird's hand as they disappeared into the woods. "Sully said everyone was killed by the army except for her, but we can never be sure. It's better if she stays as she is in town. As a white woman."

"But her soul is Indian. Someone will want her back. I am afraid," Snowbird leaned on his shoulder and whispered, "I am afraid."

As Sully reeled in his eighth fish, the woman waited with the net, watching his graceful movements as he brought the unwieldy trout into captivity. She closed her hands over his as he dropped it into her net, and together, they pulled the hopeless creature off of the hook.

Sully smiled at her and breathed, letting himself focus on anything but Michaela. "Pêhéva'ov mésêhestôtse." As she made no response and only peered into his eyes, he attempted to speak English with her, "These'll be good for supper. Do you like fish?"

Again, she didn't reply but simply took the trout from her net and added it to the weighty basket of fish they had collected. Sully smirked a little. "Well, I guess you're ready to go then."

He loaded his fishing equipment over his shoulder and then attempted to lift the basket of fish. The woman shook her head, pushing his hand away as she lifted the heavy basket by herself. "I'll carry them," Sully said as he tried to take the basket from her again.

Insistently, she pushed his hands by his side and nodded once, so he understood that he was not to help her. "Ok. Ok," Sully finally gave up, "You win."

They began to walk side by side, and Sully suppressed his need to help her even though he could tell the basket was too heavy for her to carry all the way back to the meadow where they left the horse. But, she kept on going. She certainly was a stubborn woman. Suddenly, she dropped the basket, spilling the fish across the ground as the woman abandoned the suffocating creatures, her eyes focusing on something Sully couldn't see.

Sully followed her, dropping his fishing pole besides the discarded fish, his curiosity purging him as she went to the water. "What is it?"

She lifted the fallen hawk feather, seeing Chasing Hawk's proud headdress that he wore for her simply because she had made it for him. She didn't know where his headdress was now. It was not on his head when he died. She tried to look at Sully but couldn't. She looked up instead, searching for her hawk. Too many goodbyes. She didn't want to say another one. Her body shook with goodbyes as she finally spoke a word she had never been able to forget, "Sad."

Sully froze as he heard the word. He kneeled close to her and searched for her eyes.

"You can speak English?"

She nodded nervously, her body shaking as she tried to communicate with him.

"Long time ago."

Sully reached for shoulders, not letting her fall into herself. "It's alright."

She looked up again, seeing no sign of life in the air, seeing no hand reaching out for her, so, she looked down, and tried to focus on the man in front of her. "My family. Gone."

Sully nodded, finding her distraught eyes and bringing her closer to him. "Your Indian family."

"Soldiers kill..." She cried.

He had known it had happened the first day he had seen her. He couldn't picture it, and he knew his words were only hollow sentiments. "I know. That makes me sad, too."

She finally met his eyes, desperation pouring from them as she gripped the hawk feather. "I want to go back to my tribe!"

Sully looked down, knowing there was nothing he could do. "Fraid there's no tribe to go back to. I'm sorry."

The woman swallowed, taking in his words. She gripped the hawk feather in her hand. She didn't want to say goodbye, so she wouldn't. She would just let him go. She dropped the feather in the creek and watched it until it disappeared under the water. Then, she heard Sully's voice again. He was the only person left. He touched her arms, bringing her back to his world. "How old were you when you came to live with the Indians?"

She didn't like to think about it. It made her ask too many questions. But, she went back, and she saw the girl. She held up both of her hands. Ten fingers.

"You were ten?" Sully's heart broke for her. He had been ten. His fingers fell in between hers, and he felt it then. The loss of his mother. The loss of her mother. Her father. His father. They were all in those fingers. Between those hands. And he held on to her as he went back, as he saw the boy, watching his mother reach for him, falling between the currents of the Hudson, and he couldn't do anything because his father hadn't lived long enough to teach him how to swim. And he couldn't save her. It was his fault. But, the hands in front of him—he could reach. He could save her. "How did it happen?"

She closed her eyes and gripped his hands. "The night. Many horses. Fire."

Sully pressed past the memory, sensing her pain as he tried to find the answer to the problem. "Do you know what happened to your white family?"

She shook her head, keeping her eyes closed. He lifted her chin, making her focus on him. "Do you remember where you grew up?"

She looked around, searching, but couldn't see it until she looked into his eyes. "By ocean."

Sully smiled and swallowed, admitting softly, "Me too."

She was smiling too. She didn't seem so sad anymore. He could pretend he wasn't for a moment when he looked at her. Suddenly, he remembered his responsibility and continued, "What's your name?"

She quivered in his arms and answered him, "Shivering Deer."

"What was your name before...when you were a little girl?"

She frowned and searched, wanting to help him, loving the look in his eyes when she found the answer. "Catherine."

Her eyes sparkled with tears as he said her name, "Catherine. That's a real pretty name."

Another memory came with the old words, and she gripped his arms. "My grandmother's

name."

Sully had to tell Michaela. This is what they were hoping for—he needed to see her. She would know what to do from here. "Would you like us to try and find her?"

Catherine nodded, and Sully lifted her to her feet. Sully turned towards the discarded fish. They were all dead in the sand. Quickly, he threw them back in the basket, trying to retain some of their freshness. Still, the stench of betrayal threatened in their cold fish eyes as he buried them in their braided casket.

As Michaela dismounted Flash, she heard his voice call her name from across the road. She braced herself against Flash's saddle and turned around, forcing a smile across her face that she did not feel, especially when she saw the woman holding his hand again.

Something was different about his face, and she felt her heartbeat canter up her throat. "What is it?"

Sully stopped in front of her, taking a deep, excited breath before he told her the news. "Catherine can speak English… I think she's got family somewhere back East. We can help her now."

"Catherine?" Michaela looked between Sully and the woman, trying to catch up to them.

Catherine stepped forward, finally letting go of Sully's hand, and reached for Michaela's. "My name."

Michaela's mouth dropped. Then, a real smile spread across her face, and she took Catherine's other hand in hers. "That's…that's wonderful, Catherine!"

"I thought you might have some ideas of what to do for her." Sully smiled gingerly.

She looked over Catherine's shoulder and found Sully's eyes. His expression matched hers—it was moments like these when absolutely no confusion lied between them. When they were helping someone.

Michaela sparked. "What if we were to post some sort of national advertisement—"

Sully stepped closer to her, catching her train of thought immediately. "Maybe start through the Gazette—"

"Of course! Dorothy could write it for us—"

"Then send it out to all those fancy city papers—" Sully finished wryly, not knowing why he was suddenly feeling relief barbing with her.

"Why don't we go ask her right now?" Michaela charged forward, almost feeling like last night had never happened when she worked with him like this. The three of them walked down the road in silence, Catherine following them obediently.

"Loren!" Michaela bound into the store with Sully and Catherine directly behind her.

Loren jumped, agitation sweeping over him after another spat with Dorothy. "Whattya want?"

Michaela put her arm around Catherine's shoulder, encouraging her to step forward. "We've got some great news. Catherine—that's her name—Catherine can speak a little English. And she may have family somewhere. We thought Dorothy could help us through the Gazette."

Loren twisted his mouth. _Optimistic do-gooders_. He nodded towards the back room. "Awe! She's in there."

Dorothy stared at the three of them, taking in the request. She couldn't deny that this woman intrigued her, and besides that, this was the chance for her story. She nodded, trying to remain humble. "I suppose I could write up a little piece and send it to cities back East."

Michaela put her hand over Dorothy's, a subtle warning in her voice. "Her English isn't perfect. Be gentle with her."

Catherine peered into the lady's inquisitive eyes and stepped back into Sully's arms. Softly, Sully reassured her, "This lady is a good friend. She's gonna ask you some things so she can help find your family."

Catherine frowned, but then slowly nodded as she looked into his eyes. Michaela turned around and waited for Catherine to let go of Sully.

It was only a moment, but the time passed into last night again.

"We'll give you two some privacy," Michaela said quickly, not really knowing who she was talking to as she left the room, but as she made her way outside the store, she felt his hand on her arm.

Michaela stopped as Sully came and stood beside her on the porch. Their shoulders brushed, but they didn't look at each other. They both chose to look at the moving town instead. "Ya did good. I think… I think everything's gonna be alright now."

She looked down, seeing their feet parallel, his moccasins and her laced boots. They didn't seem to belong together. There didn't seem to be an answer. She sighed, knowing what he really meant. "For her?"

He nodded, wishing he could ask her about last night. "Yeah… For her."

Michaela turned to face him but held the folds of her skirt between her fingers. "It's wonderful. What you've done for her."

Sully shrugged and looked away, unable to keep her gaze without reaching for her. "I didn't do nothin' special."

"You got her to talk. To open up when no one else could." Michaela's throat was raw now. "She trusts you."

Sully turned and looked at her, his eyes glazed over now. "I'm not sure _it's me_."

Michaela suddenly dropped the folds of her skirt and stepped forward, fumbling for his hand as her laced boots stepped in between his moccasins. "_It's you_."

He frowned but gripped her hand in his. "You really believe that?"

She nodded vigorously, not knowing what else to do in broad daylight. "I see it."

Like a bolt, his hands were on either side of her face and his forehead pressed against hers. He was so close she thought her heart might burst from his weight. He whispered beyond passion, "Then why's it gotta be so hard for us?"

She closed her eyes and whispered unseeing, "Everybody's watching—"

Catherine looked out the window again as Dorothy began to ask her questions, hoping to see Sully, but he and Michaela were out of sight. Gone, without a goodbye.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8—"No…No…No…Yes" **

Dorothy closed her bedroom door as she tried to rein in Catherine's attention. She was finding this interview to be more difficult than she initially anticipated. Dorothy had the sneaky suspicion that this woman would jump out of the window and run for her life if given the opportunity. She tried another question, hoping for a more informative reply besides _Yes _or_ No_. "Sully said you were around ten years old when this happened?"

Catherine nodded her head quickly, her eyes turning towards the clear windows again where Sully had been only a few minutes ago. _Where had he gone? He hadn't left her, had he? _

Dorothy sighed, tapping her pencil on her notepad. "I think it's terrible, them kidnappin' you like that."

Catherine turned back and frowned, this woman's words spinning around in her head. Kidnapping. _Kidnapping_… The word sounded so strange. She didn't understand.

Dorothy bit her lip and crossed her ankles when Catherine stared at her blankly. "Were they Cheyenne? Sioux? Apache?"

Names, she wanted names. They were special. They were fire. They cried and drank and fought. They were strong. They were hungry. They were family. "Dog Soldier."

Dorothy shook her head, aiming for sympathy, thankful that Catherine finally gave a decent response so she could write an interesting article. "You must've been very frightened. Very unhappy."

Catherine looked around the room, trying to remember her first days with Walks Last and Chasing Hawk. They had been kind, unlike Porcupine Bear. But, nothing was specific anymore. Not like her first days in Colorado Springs. "In beginning, yes."

Dorothy nodded vigorously, writing her first paragraph. "How did they treat you? Did they force you to work?"

"No." Suddenly, there was a loud thud against the wall of Dorothy's room. Catherine jumped off of her chair and curled to a ball on the floor.

Dorothy dropped her pad and paper and moved down beside Catherine, putting her hand gently on her back. "Don't be frightened! Children often play rough around the store. You're safe here…" Catherine slowly looked up and peered into Dorothy's eyes. Dorothy recognized something, but she wasn't sure. Hesitantly, she asked, "Did they...hurt you?"

"No."

Dorothy's pad and paper were forgotten. "How were you able to survive, livin' among 'em like that?"

Catherine looked down and whispered, "My husband...took care of me."

"Husband?" Dorothy gasped. She couldn't fathom it. "You were married to an Indian?"

"Yes," Catherine whispered, a sad smiled etching her face.

Dorothy shook her head, unable to move from the floor. "But the Dog Soldiers are renegades. _Savages_!"

Catherine reached across the space and touched Dorothy's hand. She folded it in her own. "He was...kind...to me."

Dorothy stared at their joined hands. Same color, but so different. Same eyes too. But, her eyes had never loved like that. "Why?" she asked suddenly.

"He protect me. He bring food. He give clothes. Didn't drink like others," Catherine said rapidly. That was love for her. Then, something even sweeter pressed her thoughts. She cried softly, "He play flute for me."

Dorothy stared at her. If only she could love that easily. If only it had been so easy.

Suddenly, Catherine asked, "Your husband?"

"He wasn't kind to me." Dorothy blushed, trying to find her lost notepad. "He protected me from everyone but himself."

_**Meanwhile, at the same time…**_

Her hand didn't seem to belong to her anymore as it led her away, curled inside a hand much larger and darker than her own. She didn't know where they were going, nor did she think to ask him as the chatter of the town faded behind her. She sensed the walls of the store beside her, but she couldn't be sure, as he spun her around the corner faster than she had time to become aware of her surroundings.

"Better?" Sully stood close as he wanted for an answer. There was the distinct hardness of wood against her back, and her hand pressed against his chest, buffering her body between the two walls. The only eyes left were his, but it felt like the world. There was so much expectation and hope within them. What if she let him down?

"I…I don't know." Michaela shook her head, lowering eyes.

He covered her hands with his own and leaned into her, his forehead touching hers. She closed her eyes completely and listened to their breathing, solitude air that had been held too long. "If this is too much—"

"No." She breathed fully, taking in his sighs and protections and let her hand relax on his chest for the first time since they had begun courting.

Sully felt her body soften against his, and suddenly, he didn't know what to do. _Was he pressuring her? Did she feel guilty_? He touched the side of her face, not daring to take more than she was willing to give. "If I'm—"

She pressed her hands against his chest and stopped. She had never allowed herself to feel his body before. From the day she had met him, she had thought him mysterious, almost unreachable, but now, he was simply the man who loved her. She could feel it in his features that blinded her to his faults and that blinded him to hers. Love wasn't easy, but it was lovely to think so as she slid her hands down the faults of his chest to the sides of his hips, holding him easily in her arms. "No."

Sully braced his hand against the building, giving her one last out before his arm broke and his body crashed against hers. "If you want—"

"No," she whispered.

He pushed off against the building and encompassed her in his arms. She had never kissed him this—a shyness had always existed in her kisses, but this was different. Alarmingly different. There was an energy, a fierceness about her. A possessiveness. He didn't understand it, but as her arms circled his neck and he felt her heart beating wildly against his, he soon forgot his questions and responded with the same abandoned intensity. As their mouths played and locked together, their footing crumbled, sending them stumbling backwards until Michaela hit the back of the building.

Sully cradled her head upon their unceremonious thud and turned the kisses to slow, comforting ones. Michaela gasped upon the change, unsure of his gentle seduction. It was so real. Her heart ached, and she knew this was what she wanted. He did love her. He did. He wouldn't leave her. He wouldn't break her heart. She'd never have to feel that loss again.

Sully was lost in her. Not a single coherent thought made it through his mind in that moment. His legs were about to give out on him though. His arm circled her waist as she fit into him. Then, it happened. If he had been more aware, he might have stopped himself. But, she had possessed him.

Michaela's eyes flew open as he touched her. His thumb grazed across her breast, and she immediately responded to it. It was as if he had discovered her womanhood, but she hadn't known how to react any other way but as an inexperienced school girl.

She quickly moved away from him, unable to turn around until the cherry red in her cheeks returned to a normal shade for this situation. Crimson.

Sully fell back against the building, out of breath, incapable of speaking for a moment. Finally he pulled himself together and asked, "Michaela? Did I—what is it? Did I do somethin' wrong?"

"Yes," came Michaela's knee jerk reaction, but then she couldn't justify the tautness through her camisole as she turned around and looked at his swollen lips and glazed eyes. She swallowed, restraining herself. "No…No… I did… I did."

Before he could answer her, she crossed her arms over her chest and ran towards the safety of the clinic.

Dorothy picked up her pencil and pad and helped Catherine up. Slowly, they walked to the window together. Dorothy eyed Catherine as they stared out to the busy little town. "Do you think...you could love another man someday?"

Suddenly, Sully appeared again on the porch, right in front of the mirror. He leaned heavily on the railing, and finally turned around. Dorothy and Catherine waved at him. He nodded but didn't smile.

Catherine looked at Dorothy, considering. _Yes _or _No_. "I think ... maybe."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9—"…you would never break my heart…" **

_If we never said I love you, you would never break my heart._

Late afternoon struck the Colorado sky, casting amber shadows across the clinic as Michaela buried herself in research. She had read the same sentence twelve times now. Work was futile. She closed the text book and buried her face in her hands. They might have been his hands, because as much as she pushed him away, he had her.

Suddenly, an exuberant burst of energy broke her quiet solitude, and Brian came running through the front door.

"Hey Ma!" Brian banged his hands down on her desk, an eager smile lighting his face, quickly infecting Michaela. "Miss me?"

"Always," Michaela laughed, grateful for his youthful diversion, and leaned on her elbows, crouching down to his level. "Got a story for me, Mr. Cooper?"

Brian shook his head, contemplating his thoughts carefully. "No…but I gotta question."

"You know you can ask me anything."

Brian inched closer, biting his lip, as if he were making a very important decision, and finally asked seriously, "Are all Indians brave and strong?"

Michaela gathered her thoughts, wondering what provoked such a loaded question. "Well, there are some Indians, like Cloud Dancing and Black Kettle, who simple want their people to have a place in this world—a home—to have peace and respect from the rest of the world. Others, live in constant turmoil, and war and violence simply breed more war and violence, hope is sometimes lost. People can lose sight of what they originally wanted. Peace. This can happen to anyone, Brian. All people. Do you understand?"

"Sort of." Brian twisted his right foot nervously. "Would they be real angry?"

"Sometimes…." Michaela took his hands in hers as she watched his demeanor change. "Did the Reverend say something about the Indians today at school?"

Brian's eyes widened and he opened his mouth but then closed it suddenly. "No… I-I was just wonderin'."

Michaela frowned, suspecting otherwise. "Are you sure?"

Before Michaela could get an answer out of Brian, the front door pushed open tentatively, and he was there again. As soon as Michaela met his eyes, she wanted to slide under the desk.

Sully watched her eyes fall and sighed. _She couldn't even look at him now? _

"Hey Sully!" Brian ran to Sully, oblivious to the ongoing looks passed between Michaela and Sully. "Ya feelin' better?"

Sully smiled, putting his hand on Brian's shoulder. "Sure am."

"Ma makes everything better, don't she?" Brian said proudly.

"Yeah, she does, Brian." Sully looked at Michaela, but she had turned away from him completely. He cleared his throat, trying to stand the distance between them, and said as casually as possible, "The interview's over. I think Catherine's tired. I can take her back to the homestead if ya still have things to do in town."

Michaela busied herself with paperwork, maintaining a contained expression. "No, I'm finished. Just let me pack up my things."

"You're comin' too, right Sully?" Brian pulled on his hand.

When Sully didn't answer right away, Michaela quickly turned around, seeing Brian's face cloud with unexpected worry. She freed herself from the confines of the desk and walked across the room towards them, covering her confusion with a reassuring smile as she took Sully's hand in hers. He stared at her, even more baffled. "Of course Sully's coming, Brian. Why wouldn't he?"

"Oh good! I'll go wait by the wagon with Catherine… Hey ma?" Brian spun around.

"What is it now?" She laughed, annoyed at herself as she heard the catch in her throat.

"Do you think she ever learned how to read?"

"I don't know, but that's something you could ask her." And with that, Brian shot through the front door as quickly as he had come in.

Michaela swallowed, her palm growing rigid and clammy against his as she watched Brian climb alongside Catherine in the wagon through the window. They had almost been caught. If a boy could see her heart, she had no idea how she would be able to protect herself from the rest of the world. From him. "Not in front of the children."

Sully shook his head. "Never."

"I don't them want them to see—"

"I know. I'll protect them." He tightened his hold on her hand. "I'll protect you."

Michaela curled her hand, taking it back from him. Sully ran his fingers through his hair, trying to repress a groan, but he couldn't do it. It wasn't in his nature. He lifted her chin and asked, "Why do you turn away like that? Just look at me. You're safe with me."

Michaela put her hand over his, intending to push him away, but stopped, caught by herself. By him. She breathed. Her hand curled around his wrist as she wavered, rocking, her choice unclear. "Then why don't I feel safe? I feel like I'm standing on a ledge with you, and all I want to do is jump."

Sully covered her hand as she faltered. "Just take my hand and we'll jump together."

Michaela stepped back and Sully went with her. "What if we hit the bottom?"

Sully caught her, wrapping his arm around her waist. "But what if there isn't one and we just keep fallin'?"

"That's what frightens me the most." Michaela broke away from his arms and rushed outside, leaving behind her coat and medical bag in her haste.

As if he were one of her forgotten things, Sully carefully gathered himself together along with her things, and followed her path out the door.

"Dinner was great, Colleen." Matthew filled the silence of the quiet dinner, as Michaela and Sully hardly said a word except when spoken to.

"It sure was," Brian echoed, wiping his face, jumping up from the table and gathering the empty plates.

As Brian and Colleen began to clear the table, the silence grew thicker, and Sully couldn't stand it any longer. He put his napkin down and made his excuses, "It's getting' late. I guess I should be heading on. Night everyone."

"No!" Catherine stood up from the table, grabbing his hand. "You stay with me."

Sully looked at Michaela. He didn't know if he could spend the night with her so far away from him. His mind was reeling from her. He didn't know if he would ever be able to sleep again.

"Please!" Catherine begged. "Bad dreams…"

"You should stay," Michaela said evenly, "and protect her."

"If that's what you want." Sully pushed up from the table, running the bench hard against the wooden floor. "Matthew, why don't we get some more firewood from the barn. Keep the ladies warm tonight."

"Sure thing, Sully." Matthew followed him outside, eyeing him curiously.

As the door shut behind him, Matthew asked gingerly, "Is everything alright, Sully?"

Sully shrugged, walking ahead of Matthew. "Sure."

"O-k," Matthew raised his eyebrows skeptically.

"What?" Sully stopped and turned around.

Matthew lifted his chin and put his hands on his hips. "You don't want to talk to me cause ya think I'm a kid?"

"No, Matthew. It's just some things…" Sully turned around and pounded back towards the barn. "Well, they just gotta stay between me and your ma."

Matthew paused and then gently put his hand on Sully's shoulder. "Are you two fightin' about somethin'?"

"Matthew…" Sully groaned, lifting a log into his arms.

Matthew stopped him, before he could pick up another log. "I know when she's upset. She tries to keep it to herself, and well, she's kind of lost her touch… especially since ya started courtin'."

Sully almost smiled, thrusting the wood against Matthew's chest. "Don't tell her that."

"I won't." Matthew grinned slightly. "But…is everythin' gonna be alright?"

"I hope so, Matthew. I'm tryin'." He picked up another log, taking more than they needed. "I'm tryin'."

As the children washed the dishes, Michaela felt completely aimless. What was wrong with her? If she could remove it like a cyst or a tumor, could she be happy? Could they? She looked down and saw her trunk, chocked full of everything from her past. She sank down in front of it and lifted the top, finding all her keepsakes, pictures, a glove, a piece of lace. Then she saw the blue. Sea blue.

_I feel like I'm walking on the Charles tonight with you in my arms. _

"Very beautiful. What is it?" Michaela gasped and pulled the dress out fully against her chest, protecting herself as Catherine stood over her.

Catherine sank down beside Michaela as she uselessly tried to gain her wits. "Oh…it's nothing… It's… I'm just being silly, Catherine."

Catherine reached out and touched the sea blue satin. She had never felt anything like it. She looked in Michaela's eyes, seeing the tears. "Nothing would not make you so sad. It's…it's special?"

Michaela nodded, admitting quietly, "Yes."

Catherine reached out and touched the tears, taking them away. "Tell me."

Michaela looked up, seeing a chandelier instead of the wooden rails of the cabin. "I've only worn this once. At my engagement party."

"Engagement?" Catherine frowned, not recognizing the word.

Michaela looked at her bare hands. "We were to be married."

"Why tears?" Catherine covered her hands with her own, and Michaela shivered. Her hands were so warm, like Martha's or her father's. But it was different. Almost sensual.

Slowly, Michaela spoke from a broken place that had never healed, "He told me he loved me on a Friday morning. I never thought I would hear those words or let myself even say them back. But I did. I wore this dress on a Saturday in the early afternoon into the middle of the night at our engagement party. And it was a Sunday evening when he told me he was leaving. I haven't worn this dress since."

Catherine looked up, nodding and understanding. "You carry the past with you. I do that. I see Chasing Hawk in the sky. Flying above me. Watching me. I cannot hold him now. He too high. Too far away."

Michaela watched her and squeezed her hand, almost warm now. "I'm sorry."

Catherine looked at her, a luminous smile filling her face as she said, "His memory fills me. I go on. I not trapped."

"Trapped…" Michaela lifted the blue dress in her arms, caressing the fabric resolutely. She held it out. "Would you like my dress, Catherine?"

Catherine pushed it back. "Yours. You should wear it."

Michaela shook her head, realization hitting her like thunder, and she smiled through final tears. "He's a memory like your husband. I don't need to carry it anymore. But I'd like you to have it."

Catherine took the dress in her hands, pressing it against her chest. She smiled gratefully. "You give me something from your heart. I must give you something from mine."

Michaela held up her hand. "You don't have to—"

Michaela froze when she realized what Catherine was doing. She tore off the stones on her dress. _The dress that Sully had given her_. As Catherine dropped the cool beads into her hands, Michaela knew and with all that was in her, she hoped to God she was wrong. But eyes, so telling as the heart, radiated light, and there was no denying the light in Catherine's.

"Th-hank you," Michaela stood up from floor, needing space from the woman. She didn't know what to make of her. She looked into her eyes, white around blue. The woman_ just knew_ how she felt. There was no hesitation, no holding back. And Catherine didn't even know him like she did. It couldn't be true. It couldn't.

If she never said it, her heart was safe.

Lights were low and feet were soft upon the floor as Michaela changed into her nightgown behind the curtain. Last night, this morning, and this afternoon were still fresh on her mind. She didn't know what to do. She could hear Sully tending the fire and Catherine whispering to him in words she didn't understand.

He laughed. It was light, soft, genuine. She hadn't heard him laugh in a day. Just one day.

But all it took was a day. An hour. A moment.

Was that what he wanted? Someone like Catherine to laugh and smile at his every whim? What was she doing? There was nothing wrong with Catherine. There was nothing wrong with laughing. If only there was a name for it—if only she could say it, if only she could speak.

If they didn't say it, then she would never know. But he would never….

Michaela pushed back the curtain and walked into the darkness. Sully and Catherine's shadows danced on the ceiling as they sat close in front of the fire. Michaela couldn't look at him—that would mean too much. That would mean owning how she felt. That would make it real.

As she pulled down her bed covers, Sully exhaled, lying down on the floor. He didn't know what to do. He felt trapped—unable to move from loving her, but finally realizing what she meant. He didn't know how to love her either. Not like this.

He tried to sleep. He couldn't.

She wanted to tell him what she did her dress. But how? _How?_

So no one spoke. And the night grew darker.

Catherine watched him, his eyes transfixed by the fiery shadows, her eyes transfixed by him. So much sadness. If only she could take it away. She knew that sadness. That loss. If only she knew who he lost, then maybe she could help him like he helped her. Quietly, she fell down beside him and put her hand over his heart.

"Catherine?" Sully stirred, shaken from his thoughts. "Is somethin' wrong?"

"No. Nothing. Thank you," she whispered, softly touching the side of his face.

"What for?" Sully swallowed, uneasy with her so close to him.

She took his hand and pressed it against her chest. Her eyes flashed in the firelight. "You have made my heart strong again."

Sully quickly took his hand back, his head turning towards the bed, panic entering his voice. "I didn't—"

"Shh," Catherine whispered, as her leg fell in between his, quickly bringing his attention back to her.

"Catherine—" Sully pushed back on her shoulders, stopping her.

She caught his eyes and said, "I will fill what you have lost."

"I haven't lost anything—" Sully couldn't breathe as she hovered over him. In that moment, he didn't know what to do. Was he sleeping? Why couldn't he move?

She ran her fingers over his lips. "I see in your eyes."

"I can't do this… I—" Sully shook his head, his body starting to shake as she completely covered him.

Catherine pressed against him, stilling him. "Yes you can. I also see in your eyes."

"Catherine…please—" Sully pushed, but it was not physical.

"Shh," Catherine covered his mouth, and suddenly, he could think again, and he saw Michaela's face, confused, asking him _how_, and he pushed back, trying to answer, to speak, to say what he meant, what he wanted, what he should have said in the first place—no. _How… How_… It was not like this. Not like this.

He pushed too late.

A blanket separated them like a hard whip as Michaela threw it across the room and it hit them. Michaela was on her knees in the center of the bed. She gritted her teeth and barely whispered as she seethed, "Is that it? Is it?"

"Michaela—" Sully pushed Catherine off of him and stood up, disheveled, watching her break before him. He walked across the room and reached out for her, but she held up her hands, warning him.

She jumped off the bed and ran to the door. Sully followed her, desperately grabbing her arm. She jerked away from him, looking him directly in the eyes as she lied in a broken whisper, "No. Don't. _I wish you'd never come to Boston_!"

"Michaela!" But she had escaped into her lie.

Snow began to fall as she stormed out onto the porch with nothing but her nightgown on. She didn't know where she was going as angry tears filled her eyes. She didn't even know who she was angry at more—Sully, herself, or that daft woman.

She wasn't lost. She wasn't! What did Catherine know anyhow?

Michaela felt the cold ground against her bare feet as she stumbled to the barn. She knew Matthew was asleep, but there was no where else to go. She had to get out of here.

She froze at the door, hearing Catherine's words again. Is that what Sully thought? Did he feel like he had lost her?

She opened the door quietly, shooting Matthew straight up in the loft. "It's only me, Matthew." She shivered as she walked purposefully towards Flash, unable to hide her emotions.

"Dr. Mike?" Matthew quickly jumped to his feet and began crawling down the ladder. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing for you to worry about. I'm—I'm going to take Flash for a ride." Michaela quickly pulled Flash out of his stall and jumped on him bareback—something she had never done before.

Matthew stopped on the bottom step, his eyes wide as he watched her back convulse with years of unshed tears. "Um… Maybe… maybe I should go with ya? The snow is just startin' to fall and doesn't look like it's lettin' up."

Michaela shook her head, not looking at him. "No, Matthew. I have to do this by myself."

"What about Sully?"

"Don't tell him anything." Before Matthew could say another word, she and Flash flew out the barn doors into the dark night.

The trail was rough, but she didn't care. She held on to Flash's main, screaming as she rose higher in the Rockies, letting her voice get lost above the trees and animals that didn't care if she broke from the image she showed to the people of Colorado Springs everyday. Darker still, as she cut through a veil of limbs, like arms reaching out for her, and she closed her eyes and closed her eyes and closed her eyes until all effort was gone, and Flash ran wild into the woods without its rider.

_She opened her eyes…._


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10—"Bad Dreams"

_She opened her eyes, but sight didn't come easily in the darkness. Damp dirt and thorny twigs sunk in her back like needling fingers as Flash's neighs echoed in the distance. The cold seemed forgotten, lost with her tears as warm wind breezed through the fallen leaves. _

_She tried to push herself off the ground, but her arms wouldn't move. They seemed to be a part of the darkness. A part of the earth. Suddenly, two hands circled her ankles, pulling on her legs—but not—as they traveled the length of her body until they tangled possessively in her hair. _

_His face was directly over her eyes. _

"_You're here," she gasped. _

_He collapsed against her, exhaustion filling his lungs, intoxicating her with his erratic heartbeat. "Ya think I'd ever let you go?" _

"_Yes," she admitted, no longer breathing as he pressed her down into the earth. _

_He spoke into her mouth, giving her air and life, "I wouldn't. Ya could run all the way back to Boston and I'd find ya again." _

_She covered his mouth, her fingers falling inside his lips. "Why didn't you stop her? Why? I've been you. You've been her. You push. All you have to do is push." _

"_Have you ever tried to push someone away after you've hit the bottom?" She sank further into the ground, losing the light in his eyes as if she were being closed in a casket. "I jumped without you, Michaela. Now I'm crashing alone." _

_Desperately, she reached up and pulled him down with her, retaining the glow in his eyes as the darkness of the earth surrounded them. "Is that where we are now? The bottom?" _

"_It's your choice. But I'm here. I'll do whatever ya want. Go. Stay. Whatever ya want." _

"_I want…I want…I—" _

He lifted her in his arms and knew that he had never seen anything like her before in his life. His fingers stung with cold and alcohol, cutting all feeling from his veins, but his eyes were completely intoxicated by her.

_She didn't have to finish. She knew what she wanted. Darkness covered them as they crashed into the earth, falling deeper than they had ever gone before. _

"_What do you want, Michaela?" He asked, his hand seeping past her flesh, into her blood like a traveling virus. There was no cure. He infused her, shaking her mortality, bringing her to life and death all at once. _

"_I want…" But his mouth covered hers, taking her air, sucking it out of her, breathing new life inside of her, a possession that boiled her blood, a heaviness pushing her heart out of her chest and throwing it up in the air so far above them that her heartbeat no longer existed. _

_But life continued as his heart sank into her cavern, filling up the empty void, until there was no space left between them. Suddenly, she felt his heartbeat in her chest. "This?" He asked. _

_Her head fell back and she reached blindly for his hands. Fingers and sinews melted together in the dirt, and her hands were no longer her own. "That?" _

"_What do you want, Michaela?" She wrapped her legs around the back of his knees and the joints stretched out front his flesh, taking in her ligaments until they were one. _

"_What?" he whispered, hovering just over her lips. _

_She fell into his mind and whispered without words, "I want you…All of you…Just you. You." _

"_All?" The blood drained from his body completely. _

"_Please."_

_And he fell into the vessel of her soul, a labyrinth of musings, hopes, wishes, doubts, fears, dreams and love. They tumbled until the entrails of his heart spread through the course of her body, and she cried out in pure exaltation as she had finally been seen and recognized, filled and warmed and comforted. And there was no more doubt. Their eyes were a part of each other. His smile melted into hers, and she laughed so brightly the ground lit from within._

"_Sully," she whispered._

_But he did not answer. _

_His voice was gone. _

"_Sully!" she cried out again._

_She could not feel him anymore. He had fallen below her. She could not feel her own body as it began to float above her, above the ground, higher and higher, and away from him. Blinding light flashed in front of her, and the heavy weight of her feet fell hard on the ground, and suddenly, she was running for dear life, and she knew she had to find him. She had been here before._

_But it was different. She was alone. The other passengers were gone. _

_She knew the corridor. She knew the car. She just had to reach him. Her heart rose to her throat, and suddenly, she was there, and she pushed on the door, flinging the door opened as the train whistled blew. _

_He wasn't there. _

"_Sully!" Michaela spun around, looking at the black and white caged dress, exactly as she remembered it. No, he had to be here. He had to be here somewhere. He had to say it—he had to— _

_Cabin after cabin—all empty. The whistled squealed like a wild cat, and Michaela ran to the end of the train, but it was already moving away._

_He was moving away. On a horse. Back to Colorado Springs without her. _

"_Sully!" she screamed, reaching out, her body falling over the tracks. "Sully! Come back!" _

"Shhh…" He put her quaking body next to the fire, watching the flickering of her eyelids as she dreamed something he could not comfort. He felt his own falling as he tangled his fingers in her hair, and whispered, "He'kotoo'e mo'on he'amo'omeehotse'o… mo'on…"

**Translation**: Be quiet beautiful angel…beautiful…

_**Two hours before**_

As the door slammed behind Michaela, Sully pressed against the window and watched her run towards the barn. He had to go after her, despite the finality in her words and eyes. He gripped the handle of the door and flung it open. But as the cold gale flew through homestead, Brian's piercing scream pulled him back inside.

"Ma! Ma! Don't let 'em get me, Ma!" Sully quickly stumbled back inside as Brian continued to cry out, blatantly ignoring Catherine standing thunderstruck in the center of the room.

Before Colleen could reach him, Sully was already lifting him out of his tangled sheets. "Hey, hey… I got ya, Brian… I got ya…"

Brian searched the darkness and found him. "Sully?"

"Yeah, son… It's me. I'm here."

"Don't go away, Sully!" Brian cried, flinging his arms around Sully's neck.

"I'm not… I'm not…" Sully cradled the boy's head instinctively, knowing that Michaela probably knew what to do for bad dreams better than he did. "What's got ya so upset?"

Brian tightened his hold on Sully before he whispered, "I…I dreamed about him."

Sully frowned and pushed Brian back, finding his teary eyes. "About who, buddy?"

Brian sighed, blowing air out of his lips, before admitting his secret, "The Indian… I saw him outside of school this morning."

Sully paused carefully, unsure of how to proceed with Brian's dream. "Ya know you don't gotta be afraid of the Cheyenne, Brian."

Brian shook his head assertively, freezing Sully. "He was different… His eyes were red and his body was shakin' and he had a long blade and… and… he looked right at me."

"And through your soul," Catherine whispered, as she stepped diffidently into the cubby hole. Sully turned around and met her eyes unwillingly, and for the first time in his life, he couldn't run away. He had to look at her and take responsibility for his actions. For her actions. For their actions. A boy was clinging to him, depending on him, and he had already failed him without him knowing.

"Yeah," Brian whispered, looking at Catherine's troubled eyes. "That's exactly what it was like."

"We must go now, Sully." Catherine flew from the curtains and ran into the living room.

"What!" Sully lifted Brian into his arms and followed her.

Colleen stood up, confusion now pressing her as she wandered in the room behind them. "What's… what's going on, Sully?"

"Sully!" Matthew slammed through the front door out of breath, bending down to his knees.

"Matthew!" Sully nearly dropped Brian as the young man collapsed before him.

"Matthew!" Colleen shrieked as she knelt down beside him.

Matthew swallowed, trying to catch his breath, as he spoke in rapid succession, "Dr. Mike j-just ran off on Flash! She said she didn't want you to follow but I couldn't—"

Sully put Brian down next to Colleen and squeezed Matthew's shoulder. "You did the right thing, Matthew."

Sully grabbed his tomahawk and leather jacket and moved swiftly towards the door, but he was stopped by a determined hand. "I go with you," Catherine said clearly.

"Please don't touch me—" Sully growled, causing the children to gasp at his uncharacteristic, harsh reply.

Matthew watched the icy blue stares pass between them as she didn't let go of his hand. His chest tightened immediately. Something had happened here tonight, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was that could make Sully and Michaela act so rash and brazen.

"I have to—" Catherine said determinedly.

Sully threw her hand down, his emotion getting the best of him as he snapped at her in front of wide eyes. "She's gone! Don't ya understand? She's gone and it's our fault! No… It's my fault."

Catherine looked down, a tinge of embarrassment coloring her face as his voice hit her. "I help find her. I bring back and make right."

"Just stay inside, Catherine! There's nothin' you can do!" Sully heaved open the door, and the cold pushed Catherine back inside as she tried to reach out for him.

"But—"

"I said NO!" Sully's voice cracked, creating new splinters in the doorway, making it unapproachable for Catherine. She sank down beside it, tears filling her eyes. He would need her; she knew he would. Something in her heart told her all was not well—that he could not find Dr. Mike alone. What had she done to her friend? The spirits were uneasy with her; they would not show mercy to the brokenhearted tonight.

Matthew watched her uneasily, and timidly knelt down beside her. He had hardly spoken to her since she had arrived. In all honestly, he was scared of her. But, with Sully gone, he had to be the man of the house and figure out what exactly was going on. "Catherine? What is it?"

Catherine closed her eyes, seeing those red and white eyes, swirling and reaching out, always reaching out, needing such tremendous help that she could never give. "Brian's dream… I know dream. I know eyes like that."

Matthew frowned, not understanding her. Brian stepped forward, eyes wide. He whispered, "He's real?"

Catherine nodded distantly. "Porcupine Bear… He was Chief of our tribe. Troubled man. I afraid."

Matthew looked between Brian and Catherine. Colleen reached for Brian's hand, thinking immediately of Dr. Mike and Sully out there in the cold night. She looked towards the window, only seeing a white mass of air, and said with impulsive hope, "But…but he died in the massacre. They all did, right?"

Catherine covered her face dejectedly, sudden grief overwhelming her. She whispered, "Yes."

Instinctively, Matthew took her into his arms.

"Then who did I see?" Brian whispered, breaking the silence and asking the question no one else dared to ask.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11—"Infatuation"

**Author's Note: After a major event in a Cheyenne's life, their names are often changed to reflect that event. Also, these new Indian characters know English for a reason, hence why all of their dialogue isn't translated into Cheyenne. **

The snow felt like hard rocks as he went higher and higher into the hills, and it became evident that north trail was impassable. The forest caved in upon itself as Sully approached it, and his horse balked at the forbidding branches. The wind pushed him back and he cursed as he fell to his knees on the ground, breaking his flesh and voice, "What have I done? God, what have I done?"

He answered with lightening.

_Her laughter was intoxicating, and he couldn't help but follow her through the thick cornfields, forgetting the persistent falling sun as they ran further and further away from the village. _

"_Wait! Wait for me!" _

"_Come on, Little Bear!" _

"_Catch us if you can, slow poke!" _

"_Just wait! Don't leave me behind!" As he pushed into the clearing, her laughter ceased, and he was alone. He couldn't be afraid. Braves couldn't be. _

"_Chasing Hawk! Running Deer! Where are you?" He felt the stalks circling him, trapping him with their stubborn roots and fleshy leaves. The emasculating tears fell down his face and he screamed to the sky, cursing the spirits until they answered him with a sight he wished he had never seen. _

_They were beneath the oak tree. Their oak tree. Kissing. A distinct first kiss, full of fear and hope and longing and everything he had never felt. _

"_What are you doing!" He screamed, running across the clearing as fast as he could, pushing them apart with all the force he could muster. "What are you doing to her!"_

_No answer was received as Chasing Hawk ran to her side and picked up her unconscious body that had crashed against the tree trunk. "What have you done!" Chasing Hawk panicked, cradling her bleeding head in his arms. _

"_I—" He couldn't finish. His nerves were seized by recrimination and guilt. Blood slipped from her forehead, and just as her eyes began to shutter, she began to shiver… _

He cried out, his eyes shooting open with unfinished nightmares, and he reached for her, tangling his fingers in her hair, making sure she was real and safe, making she hadn't left him again—

He kissed her cold cheek, real; her eyes, real; and her soft mouth; so real.

"Forgive me," he whispered, "Please forgive me."

Suddenly, Michaela's eyes flew open, and she stared into the eyes of a stranger that loved her.

"Who are—" She gasped, frozen against his chest.

His fingers kneaded her bones and cold sweat dripped from his brow unto hers as he cradled her face in between his hands. "Hurt my Deer, my Deer—"

Michaela shivered violently in his hands, and his reddened eyes grew wide with fear as her eyes shifted between his hands. "Who is—"

"My love, don't!" He begged, saliva falling from his mouth in unhinged desperation.

Michaela shook her head and tried to pull her hands away. "I'm not—"

"Love me—" He pulled her closer, his mouth falling by her cheek in an attempted lull.

Michaela quaked, her body overpowering her frightened voice. "Let me go—"

He insisted, locking her neck in his hand noose. "_Love me_—"

"LET ME GO!" She screamed, reclaiming her voice and cutting through his rope.

"WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME?" He wailed in hazed confusion, almost seeing two colors as he pushed her head back together.

"I—I DON'T KNOW YOU!" Michaela cried just as loudly, breaking through his rage, meeting his drunken eyes as with sober ones. Their breaths blew like smoke together in the cold cave, and he looked straight through her as he pulled a strain of her hair into his grasp.

"Yes, yes, you know me, I am your soul. You're my vessel. I have no peace without you. He could never stop the shivers. But do you feel that?" He pulled her as close as she had ever been to a man, pressing their chests next to each other. She could feel his heart racing. "That's life. They're faster than stallions."

"It's…" Michaela closed her eyes, trying not to let the tears fall the stung so potently in the back of her eyes. He wasn't Sully. She couldn't cry. She couldn't show weakness. Sully had never been invasive. He had never made her fear for herself. Or losing herself. What would he say now? What did he say about jumping alone? Hitting the bottom alone? She looked at the man's lost eyes. She could smell his breath, like the bottom of an empty whiskey barrel. Slowly, she placed her hand over his heart, separating herself from him ever so slightly. "…it's strong."

"Yes…Strong… Very strong…" His gripped lessened and Michaela released her breath as his eyes fell to her hands. "Why…why did you leave me?"

Michaela bit her lip, slipping answering with only her instinct, "I…was afraid."

He lifted his eyes suddenly. "You think I would hurt you again?"

"No…no… not you." Michaela shook her head and tried to smile. "It… it was me. How I felt."

Porcupine Bear frowned skeptically. "You loved him more?"

"I—" Michaela wavered, searching his eyes.

"You did!" He growled, taking her back firmly in his arms.

Michaela shook her head, attempting to placate him. "No! I—"

He shook her against the hard ground. "He is gone! All of them are gone! I watched them rot and burn before my eyes!"

Michaela's mouth dropped as she recovered from his rattling. "You think I'm—"

"Porcupine Bear!" A small but sharp voice echoed throughout the walls of the cave.

He looked up and glared at the small Cheyenne girl, who was around twelve or thirteen, as clearly as Michaela could make out, but not dressed like an Indian. She was dressed like a cowgirl. "I thought I left the wolves to eat you."

"What do you think you're doing?" She balked, taking a clearly superior attitude to Porcupine Bear.

"I am reclaiming my wife! Leave!" He ordered ineffectually.

"You drunken fool! Let go of the lady before I shoot you between your eyes," the girl said distinctly as she cocked her gun, black eyes blazing as she glared unflinchingly into Porcupine Bear's.

Slowly, Porcupine Bear loosened his grip around Michaela and finally released her. He stood up slowly as the girl didn't back down from him for a second.

"Now you leave us." Porcupine Bear stumbled towards the entrance of the cave and finally disappeared.

"Thank you," Michaela said gratefully, locking eyes with the strange girl.

"He would not have hurt you," the girl said knowingly as she lifted Michaela to a sitting position.

"Still, I thank you just the same," Michaela smiled as the girl's eyes roamed over her.

However, the girl didn't put down the gun. "I am Smiles No More. You are not what I hoped for, but I suppose you will do."

Michaela's smile dropped as the girl smiled and cocked the gun again. "I don't understand you, sweetheart. If you put down the gun—"

The girl shook her head, eyes shifty and brazen. "He wins if I put it down."

"Wins?" Michaela shuffled back in the caved on all fours as Smiles No More aimed the gun at her.

The girl scoffed, "Do not worry. I will protect you from him. I've never had one like you before."

Michaela covered her heart, feeling true fear and for the first time, wondered how she let love frighten her so easily. "You think this is a game?"

The girl frowned, her eyes blank with feeling. "What is a game? This is my life."

"Why are ya sittin' out here, Catherine?" Matthew teetered on the porch steeps where she sat firmly planted amidst the white dust of snow.

"I am waiting on Sully to return. He will need me." She did not turn around but kept her gaze out on the overcast horizon.

Matthew shivered and plunged his fists down into his coat pocket. "You may be waitin' a long time then. I'm not sure he needs anybody when he's out there in the woods."

"Sometimes people are wrong." Catherine nodded as she tapped her heels on the steps.

Matthew leaned against the railing, feeling the soft silence between them. "Yeah, they are. I was wrong about you."

"Oh?" Catherine looked up, snowflakes trapped in her lashes.

Matthew smirked at the frozen picture she made. "I thought ya'd be hard to talk to."

Catherine blinked and frowned, considering his words. "Maybe I am. I still do not understand everything you say."

Matthew sighed, plopping down beside her. "That's ok. Not everything I say is worth hearin' anyway."

"Of course it is. Everything a person feels is worth knowing." Catherine said with quick, intense passion, suddenly catching herself. Matthew caught the strange look in her eye and turned away, unexpectedly embarrassed. Then quietly, she shamefully admitted, "I did not know they were in love."

Matthew took in her words, knowing what she said could mean a thousand different things, but essentially, it probably all came back to something that he had no business knowing anything about. "Yeah. I think they're just figurin' that out too. I…I think I'm in love. And it's all I can do to stop from shoutin' it from the rooftops, ya know? But Dr. Mike is different. She holds her love so close like it might slip away and break or somethin'. I never thought love bein' so fragile, but I guess it is."

"_Where have you been? It is late," Snowbird whispered as Cloud Dancing ducked into their teepee. _

_Cloud Dancing shook his head and climbed under their blanket, finding his place around her swollen body. "Tribal council. More fighting. More worry." _

_Cloud Dancing buried his head against her breast. She ran her fingers through his long raven hair and took her hand up to her stomach. "No worry now. Feel. This is the last one." _

_He frowned, feeling his manhood being challenged. "The last one? You have never been one to give up so easily." _

_Snowbird laughed tiredly. "You are a stubborn man, Cloud Dancing." _

"_Shhh…" Cloud Dancing leaned forward to kiss her, hiding their bodies fully underneath the blanket. _

"_Do you want to wake Walks On Clouds?" Snowbird pressed her warm fingers to his lips, halfway stopping him. _

_He kissed her fingers lightly, asking permission. "I will just be a whisper above you." _

_Snowbird chuckled affectionately removing her fingers as she slid further under the blanket with him. "You are impossible. I love you." _

"_Néméhotâtse," he whispered above her. _

Catherine's eyes flew open as the hooves made their way back to the homestead in the early morning light. His face was frozen and his hands shook as he held the reins with one hand. His eyes met hers as she stood on the first step of the porch.

They didn't speak.

"Are you going to say it?" Catherine finally asked, her chin shaking with wounded pride.

Sully exhaled, nothing but ice falling from his breath as he admitted, "I need you."


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12—"The Face of a Woman" **

Michaela eyed the strange girl as she brought more kindling into the open cavern, creating a small roaring fire that lit the jagged walls around them. The girl's olive face glowed with sharp lines that hid the baby fat that still lingered behind becoming a woman. She twirled the gun in her hand, and stewed impishly, her eyes flashing in the flames. "Are you still cold?"

"No," Michaela exhaled slowly, releasing the hold on her curled legs, surmising the girl's anxious demeanor. "The fire is nice."

Smiles No More sat down on the opposite side of the fire and Michaela watched her place the gun down beside her left leg. When Michaela raised her eyes, Smiles No More raised her eyebrows knowingly. Michaela cleared her throat and quickly asked, "Why are you here with him?"

"Why are_ you_ here with him?" She retorted.

Michaela sighed, shaking her head. It all seemed so far away now. Sully. She had left so easily, so… How did they get here?

But, she looked into the girl's eyes, and they weren't as harsh as her words. They were different somehow—curious and almost innocent. Patiently, she answered the girl, "I was running away from…from nothing. And I fell off my horse. The next thing I knew, I woke up in his arms."

Smiles No More nodded slowly and suddenly stuck out her chin proudly. "I was running away from nothing too. Then I saw him bleeding to death. The smoke was still in the air. I saved him. Then, I took him as my prisoner."

Michaela frowned, baffled by her words. She seemed like a total contradiction. "Your prisoner?"

She nodded, sighing like she had had a hard day's work. "He has not been easy to keep track of. He is a sneaky one."

Michaela felt his taunt arms and smelled hot breath and saw his burning eyes beyond desperation, and she measured her words carefully, "He's a dangerous man, Smiles No More. I can't be sure, but I believe he was a dog soldier. Do you know what that is?"

"Yes," she said bluntly, "My family kills dog soldiers."

Michaela froze. How could that be? She was clearly a Cheyenne girl. Her eyes, her hair, her face. Of course, her clothes were not traditional, but…. What on earth had happened to this child? "But you're a—"

"A soldier of the United States Army."

"_What is it, Cloud Dancing?" She asked before she saw him come. _

_Cloud Dancing sat beside her on their rock as Walks on Clouds played in the creek in front of them. He did not speak for several minutes, and Snowbird felt the weight of his sadness descend upon her like a shadow. Finally, he whispered, "Black Kettle can do nothing. We are being…moved." _

_Suddenly, she laughed and his words were forgotten as little feet played against the inside of her belly. "Oh my! She moved!" Snowbird grabbed his hand and placed it across her stomach. "I can feel her spirit more and more." _

"_She is a strong one." Cloud Dancing smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. Then, Snowbird remembered what he had said. Moving. They had to move. She felt another kick. _

"_Moved?" She asked, covering the little knobby foot. _

_Cloud Dancing nodded distantly. "Relocated." _

_A little hand pressed against her side. "Where?"_

"_A reservation just outside of Colorado Springs." Cloud Dancing looked out towards his laughing son. _

_She closed her eyes as the baby turned inside of her. "I don't think I can. Go without me, Cloud Dancing. Take our son with you." _

_His arms circled both of them, and the baby stopped moving. "I will not leave you."_

"_The baby is coming. But it cannot come too soon. I don't want our child being born a slave to those heartless soldiers," Snowbird whispered into his ear, hiding her face. _

"_Then we will hide in the hills… We'll stay here until the baby is born." _

_The little foot retreated and Snowbird caught her breath, "What if…" _

"_I will protect you, Snowbird. Nothing will happen to our baby…Nothing will happen to our family." _

They road along the snowy path in silence. Catherine felt his stomach muscles tightened against her hold, and she sighed against his back. "You are feeling something even if you will not say it."

"Ya shouldn't be with me," Sully breathed out smoky ice air. "It's wrong."

Suddenly, Catherine pushed away from his back and jumped off the back of the horse. "Oh come on, Catherine! What are ya doin'?"

"I am only trying to help you and you are being…an…an…impossible—I do not know the word! Maybe you do not deserve her if you cannot even take care of your own actions!" Catherine huffed, as she managed to voice her annoyance.

"I have taken responsibility for it! I can't help it, but I'm frustrated and angry!"

"How could I know? Have you claimed her heart?"

"What do ya mean?" Sully stopped, defensive. "Michaela knows I love her."

Catherine shook her head, sharp blue jabbing from her eyes. "But you have not taken it. You do not ask questions like I ask now."

Sully turned away from her and went back to his horse. "There ain't no way you can understand how I feel about her."

"And she does not understand you like you think she does. You keep too much inside like she does. It will explode one day and you will lose her," Catherine said daringly, knowing she was pushing him to his limit, but something inside of her couldn't restrain herself.

Sully gripped his fists and tried to control his temper as he whirled around and shot icy blue back at her. "She_ is_ lost! Don't ya understand that?"

Catherine spread her hands in surrender. "You did not speak soon enough. She needed you to fight for her."

"How do you know that, huh?" Sully stared at her, disbelievingly.

Catherine stepped closer to him, invading his space. She pointed slowly back and forth between their eyes. "Because I know eyes of a broken heart. I care about Dr. Mike too."

"Why did you kiss me?" Sully asked quietly, releasing his fists.

"You did not say no," Catherine said honestly.

He knew she was right, and he felt it rip through his stomach. Against his will, a single tear fell down his cheek. "I didn't say yes."

"You love her?" Catherine reached up and wiped his tear away.

Sully nodded, his body trembling with the thought of Michaela. "More than I can say."

Catherine cupped his cheeks, a force of nature whirling through her like fire as she urged him, "Then you must say _yes to her_. All of her. Not just what you see, but what she will not show you as well."

Sully frowned, confused by the loving, raging face of this woman, "Why are ya telling me all this?"

Catherine said simply, "Because I love you. I love you both."

"How is Michaela doing, Mother?" Rebecca asked as she sipped her chamomile tea.

"Hmph!" Elizabeth hit her tea cup hard against the saucer. "I haven't heard from your sister in _weeks_."

Rebecca eyed her mother cautiously. "I know. Michaela is usually so conscientious about her correspondence."

Elizabeth pursed her lips and sat erect on the edge of the settee. "Not while she's engaging in that self-indulgent love affair that will_ never_ lead her to a secure state of matrimony!"

"Mother!" Rebecca's eyes grew wider as her mother puffed up with disapproval. She usually could handle her mother, unlike Michaela and Marjorie who often would go head to head with her, and the result would often be a tearful Elizabeth on her ever waiting shoulder, but sometimes, even for Rebecca, she could be a bit much. If only she could be like Claudette and Maureen who simply ignored her and only showed up for holiday gatherings and funerals. Unfortunately, she would never be that heartless.

"Can't I have an opinion about my own daughter's welfare?" Elizabeth primed, her eyes glassy and rock hard at the same time.

Rebecca put down her tea and put a gentle hand on her mother's. "Mr. Sully loves her. You saw the way they looked at each other."

Elizabeth stuck up her nose. "It was wanton and lustful."

Rebecca pulled her closer, trying not to laugh at her impossible mother. "It was _romantic_, and you're simply jealous."

"I'm _what_!" Elizabeth snapped, as if she had almost been caught.

"Mother! Rebecca! Where are you?" Marjorie burst through the front door without even waiting for Henderson.

"In the drawing room, Marjorie!" Rebecca called out as Elizabeth affectionately swatted her away.

"Have you two seen this?" Marjorie held up the front page of the New York Times, as tendrils bounced in every direction from their properly fixed position.

Elizabeth waved her off and picked up her tea. "You know I don't read the New York Times. There's nothing in it but reports of vice and criminal acts of—"

"There's a story about a white woman who has been living with the Indians from Colorado Springs. Michaela's mentioned throughout it, mother," Marjorie finished saucily.

Elizabeth frowned and reached for the paper. "Hand it here."

She began to read it quickly as Rebecca leaned over her shoulder. "…only surviving member of Cheyenne war party…married to…. treated by Dr. Michaela Quinn…. Where she began to remember her first English words that she had forgotten with the passage of time…. Remembers a fire… Her name is…_ Catherine_…."

"No wonder Michaela hasn't written." Rebecca looked up, rather impressed with her little sister.

Marjorie pushed back one of her curls and sat on the opposite side of Elizabeth. "Isn't that fascinating, mother?"

Elizabeth didn't answer them. She was still staring at the article. Suddenly, she stood up and turned around. Her face was completely white and withdrawn. "If you will both excuse me, I…I'm not feeling very well… I need to go lie down."

"Mother, are you alright?" Rebecca stood up and grabbed her arm.

"I'm perfectly fine, Rebecca. You girls…ladies finish your tea, alright?" Elizabeth patted Rebecca's hand and slowly walked out of the drawing room and disappeared up the stairs.

Marjorie looked at Rebecca curiously. "What on earth was that about?"

"_Ma-ma!" The baby girl screamed without mercy. _

"_It's ok, it's ok! I've got you, my sweet girl. Papa's got you." The father cradled his youngest in his arms almost awkwardly. Their mother had always been the caretaker. This was new, but it felt right. _

"_What should we do, father?" His oldest asked, trembling. _

"_Don't worry. We'll manage. She'll stay right here at clinic with me." _

"_But father—" His daughter protested. Fathers didn't take care of daughters. It wasn't their place. It wasn't what her mother— _

"_Not another word, daughter." He held up his hand as the baby began to quiet in his arms. "It's fine. Everything is fine."_

"_But—"_

"_I want you to put on a cheerful face, Rebecca. You're almost a woman now. Cover it. Don't let them see your fear for a second. Women are the strongest creatures alive. We'll overcome this, daughter. The world will never know." _

_And then, Rebecca Quinn began to smile. _


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13—"Forgotten Secrets" **

"A soldier?" Michaela asked quietly, trying to keep her voice even as she witnessed this amazing girl.

Smiles No More narrowed her eyes, seeing throw the disheveled woman. "You do not believe me."

"No, I believe you." Michaela smiled quickly. "I'm simply surprised, that's all."

"What are _you_?" Smiles No More lifted the gun, eyeing the long, empty barrel.

Michaela eyed the small hands on the black metal and admitted, "I'm a doctor."

Smiles No More raised her eyebrows, almost impressed, but then lifted the gun in the air and fired recklessly into the rock above them. Michaela covered her head, prepared for the gun to backfire, but it wedged deeply into the sediments of the dark rock. Smiles No More's voice suddenly broke calmly through the silence, "Then why can't I be a soldier?"

Michaela uncovered her face and tried to take a breath, but it quivered. "Fair enough. What do you want from me, Smiles No More?"

The girl looked around, almost thoughtfully, and then turned to Michaela, her eyes transforming into a child's again. "Will you tell me a story?"

Michaela couldn't think straight. She nodded, not knowing what to do besides go along with this creature. "Alright. Come here then."

"Why?" She asked defensively.

Michaela shrugged and thought of someone miles and miles away who could handle any situation thrown at her. "I don't want my words to get lost in the fire. Did anyone ever say that to you before?"

"No," she said skeptically.

Smiles No More caught her breath as Michaela closed her eyes suddenly, hearing warm giggles and feeling cold feet under the covers. "I first heard it from my oldest sister. I used to crawl in the bed with her late at night in our cold, cold house in Boston and we would tell each other stories while the fire was roaring at the end of the bed."

"You're from Boston?" Smiles No More asked as she sank down in front of Michaela, her interest peeked.

"I am," Michaela whispered, her heart sinking as words crashed back from places she could hardly remember and places she didn't want to—_We won't say I love you…Come home and start your own family…I'll be your mother…You can always come home…I wish you never came to Boston! _

"Why did you leave your big sister?" Smiles No More tugged on her loose hair, pulling her instantly back into reality.

"Oh…She left me first. She got married and began having children of her own. I was still a little girl," Michaela stated factually. Her childhood was like a toy box she never opened. She didn't know how to talk about those faded images, especially the ones that didn't make any sense.

"And you wouldn't leave your mother," Smiles No More said, as if she knew. Michaela glanced at the girl, seeing the pretender in action.

"I… was very close to my father," she said, not qualifying her assumptions.

Smiles No More's shoulder's tightened and she scooted closer to Michaela as a breeze flew through the cavern. "Yes… a father is hard to leave."

"Do you have a father, Smiles No More?" Michaela watched her tense body language and tentatively reached out, placing her hand around the girl's shoulder. She didn't pull away but also didn't answer. "Smiles No More?"

Smiles No More turned towards Michaela, hiding tears inside her eyes as she gripped the gun weakly in her hand. "I want you to tell me a story now."

Michaela turned towards the fire and closed her eyes again, trying to pretend she was with her sister, trying to wish the gun away as she held the girl loosely in her arms. "Once upon a time…there was a brave little girl…who was all alone in the world…"

"_Snowbird!" The young man came bounding into her tepee, bedizened in war paint that frightened her beyond words. _

"_My brother!" She covered her stomach, thankful that their parents weren't alive to see him like this. _

"_We are leaving now. You must come with us." He held out his hand for hers. _

"_You know I cannot go," She said defiantly, turning away from him. _

_His jaw clenched and he kneeled in front of her. "How can you stay with a man who cannot protect you?" _

_She turned over and smeared the white and black paint off of his face with her clean hand. "I do not wish to be a part of a war party. I stay with Cloud Dancing." _

_He stood up and marched to the opening of her tent, rejecting her. "You are making a mistake." _

"_Never. Take care of yourself, little brother." _

Sully watched as she jumped off the horse where he had fallen before and groaned inwardly. "What are ya doin', Catherine? I've been here before—it's nothin' but a dead end."

Catherine ignored him and began ripping at stubborn branches. "That is what he wants you to believe."

Sully tied his horse on a branch and walked beside her. He felt completely inadequate right now. This woman whom he had saved was now saving him, helping him save the woman he loved. He took his tomahawk out of his belt and began chopping at the branches. "I don't understand."

Catherine eyed him as he beat down the thick branches, his face clinched in unhinged frustration. "He may be a weak man, but he is a brilliant soldier. He knows how to hide from us."

"Yeah," Sully huffed.

"What is it?" She asked.

His arm dropped as he stared ahead at the unending tunnel of trees. "This is the first time… I haven't been able to save her."

"And you think only that makes you a man?" Catherine stepped past him and ripped a giant branch off of a tree.

"I don't know what it makes me." Sully watched her put all of her body weight on each branch, tearing it off like she was a soldier in battle.

Suddenly, he heard a crying neigh in the distance. Sully gripped his tomahawk and whispered, "Flash!"

Elizabeth leaned her forehead against her desk, twirling the ink pen in her hand, unsure of what to write. _What she could write._

_She placed her hand over her baby girl's chest and felt the rise and fall of her tiny heartbeat. She was a beautiful baby, by far the most beautiful of all of her girls—although Elizabeth would never tell her so. _

_Selfishly, she lifted the sleeping girl in her arms, and the girl shook her arms in protest as wakefulness rushed in too quickly. Sad little wise eyes stared into hers in the night, and she knew her daughter somehow understood what was happening. The baby let out a single cry, and Elizabeth soothed her, guilt overwhelming her suddenly. _

"_I don't want you to cry. I don't want you to miss me. You'll forget about me. Then maybe one day you'll be able to forgive me, Michaela." Elizabeth kissed her daughter's forehead. "We won't say I love you. That way our hearts will never be broken." _

"Mrs. Quinn?" Elizabeth jumped up, unable to focus on the ever present Martha. She collapsed back on her head, unable to get the lost images out of her mind.

"What is it, Martha?" Elizabeth planted a smile on her face.

"Ya called for me, m'am."

"Oh… that's right," Elizabeth said half-aware.

"Did… did you need something, m'am?" Elizabeth stared down at the unfinished letter and swallowed.

"Yes. I need you to go to the train station and book the next train to Baltimore."

"_It's time, Cloud Dancing. It's time." Snowbird curled to her side, as the contraction racked through her body. _

"_What?" He sat up quickly, dazed by her words, but he quickly came back to reality as he felt her tight grip on his hand. _

"_The baby…The baby…She is coming—" She said calmly, lovingly, as sweat began to cover her face like bedizened pearls. _

"_I am ready." Cloud Dancing got up quickly but stopped suddenly as he realized that he needed more than the spirits to be with him in this moment. _

_Snowbird smiled knowingly, "Are you?" _

_He kneeled in front of her, joining her hands with his. "No. What if I cannot—" _

_She nodded, catching her breath. "You will. You are a great medicine man. I know you can do this. I trust you." _

"…and suddenly the girl was happy again as she found her place in the world and finally knew…there was nothing to be afraid of," Michaela finished as she stared off, nearly mesmerized by the fire. However, Smiles No More was transfixed by Michaela, her gun forgotten in her lap.

"But what about the boy? Did she let him back inside the tepee?" She asked eagerly.

"I don't know, Smiles No More," Michaela sighed.

The girl frowned, completely dissatisfied. "That is a terrible ending, Doctor."

Michaela looked down at the girl. She smiled genuinely at her. "I'm sorry."

Smiles No More shrugged and leaned closer to her, wrapping one arm around her. "You are warm though."

Michaela slowly watched her eyes faded as Smiles No More cuddled into the side of her body. Gently, she leaned her head against Smiles No More's head. "So are you."

The girl closed her eyes and muttered under her breath, "I wish I had a mother like you."

Michaela pulled the child closer as she fell asleep in her arms. Michaela had never met such a dangerously sweet child in her life. Something had to be done, but more than anything, this girl needed help. She looked at the discarded gun resting in the girl's lap and knew exactly what she had to do. She would have to worry about winning the girl's trust later. Stealthily, she reached down and lifted the gun away from Smiles No More.

"Put her gun down," A loaded voice echoed from the opening of the cave. It was Porcupine Bear. His own rifle was aimed at Smiles No More's heart.

Michaela instinctively pulled the girl closer as he stalked towards them. "She thinks you're harmless."

He shrugged wantonly, "A child's imagination sees what it wants."

He kneeled down in front of her and took the gun out of her hands. He ran the barrel from her forehead to the top of her breast. Michaela reached up and grabbed the gun, stopping him from going any further. "You don't even know me," she whispered, glaring beyond his eyes.

His eyes swam for a moment and cleared. He smiled as he leaned closer to her. "I see that now. You are still a beautiful woman."

Michaela's entire body froze. _I wish you never came to Boston! Oh God… _Where was he? She closed her eyes, _and she was running down that corridor again, but the people were gone, everyone was gone— _

"Please don't—"

_I wish you never came to Boston! Black spiders crawling down her dress, trapping her on that train….She would forever be trapped in Boston, only Boston…_

"Sad, sad eyes…"

_I wish you never came to Boston! Empty, all empty, every room empty, the children left behind in Boston, and Sully, no where… No where… No where… _

"Don't—"

_Suddenly, she heard the cries of her horse, her Flash… And there was the last cabin…_

"Shhh… Not a sound…"

_Because? Because I love you!_

"NO! NO! NO!"

_I love you too…_

"SULLY!" She cried as she finally said yes.

"MICHAELA!" Sully screamed as he flew through the air towards them.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14—"Marry Me" **

"…_ma…ma…ma!" Elizabeth clapped her hands in acknowledgement of Michaela's first words as they picnicked underneath a great oak by the Charles. The little girl pulled up on her mother's skirt and giggled as she collapsed into her lap. _

_Elizabeth held her close and whispered secretly into her baby's ear, "I don't care what your father calls you, you will always be my Michaela." _

_As if she understood her, Michaela pushed off of her lap and crawled into the grass before Elizabeth could stop her. In her haste, Michaela lost her balance and collapsed in a wobbly heap. The wide eyed baby turned around and stared at her mother in utter shock, but soon, smiles filled both of their faces as Elizabeth planted herself on all fours and began to chase her little girl. _

_But before she could reach her guffawing daughter, Michaela disappeared into the air, carried away by two large hands. _

_Elizabeth pushed up and caught her breath as the stranger held her baby. She couldn't make out the figure for the glare of the sunlight, but she could hear his words. "What a beautiful little girl!" _

"_Thank you… Thank you very much," Elizabeth said automatically, rising to her knees and instantly reaching for her little girl. _

_The man caught himself starring at the child, and laughed awkwardly, quickly handing the child back to her mother. "Oh, I am sorry. How presumptuous of me." _

"_No, it's alright," Elizabeth said, gauging the suited, fair haired man. He seemed to be respectable, the type of man that Josef would be friends with, so she proceeded cautiously, "This one just learned how to crawl! I have to watch her like a hawk, so she doesn't get away from me. I suppose I'm a little too overprotective of my girls."_

"_Girls?" The man perked up, catching Elizabeth by surprise. Men didn't usually like to talk about her children, and they were by far her favorite subject to engage in a discourse. _

"_Oh yes. I have five daughters. Michaela is my youngest," she said proudly, hoisted Michaela up on her hip. Michaela giggled at the bouncing sensation but buried her head in her mother's neck shyly as the man continued to watch her intently. _

"_What a blessing that must be," he warmed, his eyes focused on Michaela and Elizabeth. _

"_Yes, it is. Did you and Mrs. …?" Elizabeth prodded, knowing that it was past time to make an introduction, but it was certainly the man's position to initiate it. _

"_How very rude of me. I didn't introduce myself. I'm Alexander Montgomery. And no, my wife and I don't have any children," he finished. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows discreetly. She was intrigued. She was going to ask him if he and his wife were new in Boston. But, as he said himself, he was rather presumptuous. _

"_Oh, well… There's plenty of time for children," She replied, trying to keep her mind moving along with her mouth. "Did you and Mrs. Montgomery just move to Boston?" _

"_In fact, we did." Elizabeth smiled, slightly uneasy as he didn't elaborate on his answer. _

_She felt the heavy weight of her baby growing in her arms, and she knew that was her best excuse to end this increasingly awkward conversation. "Well, Michaela and I must go. She needs her afternoon nap." _

"_Do you often picnic here?" He asked suddenly as she turned her back to him. _

"_On occasion. Why?" Elizabeth set Michaela in her baby carriage and covered the innocent baby with a white blanket, touching her cheek for a moment with her own to send her off safely to dreamland. _

"_I only hope to see you again," he suggest jovially. _

"_I'm sure we will. Have a good afternoon, Mr. Montgomery." _

Porcupine Bear's body weight was instantly removed from hers, but Michaela still felt his mouth and hands and sweat soaking through her clothes and penetrating her skin. And she could hear Sully, but she couldn't open her eyes just yet. Perhaps she had faded away into her imagination, or perhaps she had lost her mind and she was only hearing and feeling what she wanted to feel. She felt her side and touched the warm liquid on her abdomen. Perhaps she was dying and God had sent an angel to take her to heaven.

Catherine stood in the mouth of the cave, watching the two men struggle for control. Her eyes immediately went to Michaela lying listlessly against the cave wall. She quickly ran to her side and lifted her quivering body into her arms. She smoothed back the hair on her face, rubbing her own cheek against Michaela's too give her warmth.

Michaela felt the engulfing, warm arms, and then she knew she had to be dying. "Mama," Michaela whispered, her voice smaller than a little girl's, "You're here, Mama—"

Catherine didn't know what to say, but as soon as she felt the blood seeping from underneath Michaela's nightgown, Catherine stopped thinking and ripped the bottom of her new dress, pressing the fabric against the wound. Had there been gunfire? She couldn't think straight—

Suddenly, she looked up and saw the strangest sight she had ever seen—a young Indian girl dressed like a white man standing over Porcupine Bear and Sully, shakily aiming the gun down at them as they rolled across the rocky floor.

"O'eétahe ho'nóho'amé!" Catherine called out, hoping to reach the girl on some common ground.

But the girl only frowned at her, not understanding a word that Catherine spoke.

"O'eétahe ho'nóho'amé!" Catherine yelled this time, but the girl cocked the gun and closed one of her eyes as she zoned in on the men fighting.

Catherine could feel Michaela bleeding, but this girl—she couldn't allow another person to be shot, she couldn't allow Sully to be shot. Quickly but gently, she put Michaela back against the stone, but Michaela reached out and grabbed her fiercely, "Don't leave me, Mama! Don't leave me!"

"I have to stop her, Dr. Mike—I have to—" Catherine smoothed down her skin, trying to bring her back from her delirious dreamland.

"No Mama!" Michaela grabbed Catherine's wrists, throttling them so she couldn't move away.

Finally, Catherine went straight to the heart, testing how buried her love was for the first time. "It's Sully, Dr. Mike—Sully could be hurt!"

Michaela heard the words and pushed through the darkness, opening her eyes into the glowing cavern, finding those eyes saying his name. "Sully…," she whispered.

Catherine nodded, scared for the first time of the unmasked eyes that Michaela wore. "Yes, he is here… He came for you."

"Catherine?" Suddenly, a gunshot rang out throughout the cavern, and the women gasped as a falling groan resounded throughout the amber lit space.

Like two flashes of light, Porcupine Bear sprung up off the ground and speared Smiles No More into his grasp.

Sully lay face down on the ground, and silence suddenly filled the air as they waited for his next breath.

_As the baby felt the first moments of life, she cried out, breathing in the world as her father held her up proudly in their small teepee. _

"_It's a girl!" He cried. "We have a daughter, Snowbird!" _

"_Let me see her." She held her tired, weak arms out for her daughter. _

_Cloud Dancing spoke directly to the baby as she calmed and closed her eyes in his secure embrace. "Come, little one. Come meet your mother." _

"_Oh…" Snowbird examined her greedily, feeling every finger and toe, touching her nose and eyelashes in pure adoration. "She looks like you, Cloud Dancing." _

_Cloud Dancing's chest swelled with pride, and he wrapped his arm around them both. "I think she has your smile." _

_Snowbird eyed him, a teasing tone in her voice, "You make up such tales. She is not smiling. She is grounded in truth and wisdom. A very serious baby." _

_Suddenly, the baby laughed and smiled as she opened her eyes and looked at her mother and father for the first time. "She fooled you, Snowbird." _

"_What should we call her?" All eyes met as the baby's smile spread to her parents. _

"_Little Smiles?" _

_Suddenly, the sound of hooves brushed through the clearing, wiping the smiles away from the new parents' faces, and the baby began to cry in her mother's arms. _

"Sully…_Sully_…" Michaela struggled with her words, "_Sully, answer me now_!"

"Michaela…" he moaned, his voice fading as consciousness left him again.

"Go…go to him…" Michaela pushed Catherine away from her, the reality of the situation becoming far too clear and present for her.

"But you're—" Catherine protested, reaching back to cover her wound.

"DO IT, CATHERINE!" Michaela winced as her emotions burst, and she closed her eyes, her attention going back to the numbing pain across her womb. "I can control it—I just… We need to see where he's been shot."

Catherine left Michaela and moved across the cavern to Sully. There was no visible wound on his backside, so she put her hands on his shoulders and flipped him over, cradling his head in her hands.

"Sully...Sully…" She gently hit the side of his face and he groaned in response.

"What do you see?" Michaela asked, forcing down the ache building in her body.

"His…his—" Catherine struggled for the word, but Sully suddenly opened his eyes and screamed out as the pain shot through his leg.

"Where does it hurt, Sully?" Michaela called out, not knowing for a moment if she was talking to him or herself.

"My leg… my thigh," he answered gruffly.

"Thank God," Michaela sighed. A superficial wound they could handle right now. She lifted her head and looked towards the mouth of the cave. "Oh no…," she groaned, suddenly remembering Smiles No More. She struggled for a moment, attempting to get up.

"What are you doing!" Catherine asked, seeing her stunted movements as she pushed Sully up to a sitting position.

Michaela pushed up on a rock, avoiding looking at either of them, and answered, "I have to go after her… She's not safe with him—"

"But she shot Sully!" Catherine protested.

Michaela pushed fully up, the blood draining from her face as she glared at Catherine. "She didn't know what she was doing! I think you would be able to understand that!"

The two women stared at each other, both impassive. Catherine watched Michaela's stone eyes and knew there was only one way she could help this situation. "I-I will go."

Michaela shook her head and closed her eyes, avoiding the pain in her stomach. "She doesn't know you."

Catherine walked across the cave to her, and as soon as she reached her, the color in Michaela's face dropped. Catherine exhaled, "But Porcupine Bear does. He will listen to me. Let me do this. You take care of each other. Go back to Colorado Springs."

"Alright." Michaela gave in. "I'm too weak to go anyway."

Catherine nodded and turned towards the mouth of the cave. Michaela watched her, and for some unknown reason, she called out, "Catherine!"

"What?" She turned around, searching for understanding.

"Be careful."

"_I thought I might find you two here again!" Elizabeth sat up abruptly on her picnic blanket, pulling her feet underneath her dress modestly. She was sure she wouldn't meet anyone here today, otherwise, she would have never presumed to take off her stockings. _

"_Mr. Montgomery…How nice it is to see you." She filled her face with an elegant smile, despite the fact that she was sure her French twist was falling down about her face. _

"_And you, Mrs. Quinn. I'd like to introduce, my wife, Caitlyn Montgomery." Elizabeth finally noticed the thin, but lovely woman standing next to him. She had almost a foreign complexion, as if she were descended from Spanish kings. _

"_Oh, how do you do, Mrs. Montgomery." _

"_I'm well, thank you," Caitlyn replied, barely above a whisper. Elizabeth surely didn't know what to make of that. There was such a fine line in society from being modest to being painfully shy. This woman obviously edged towards the latter. _

"_And how is little Michaela doing?" Alexander piped up, inviting himself to sit on the blanket. His wife didn't follow him but stood nervously behind him. Elizabeth was positively aghast by this, but she didn't say anything. That would have been improper. _

"_Oh, she's thriving, of course. She's interested in everything. She likes to splash in the water, so please excuse our wet stockings…" Elizabeth laughed nervously, quickly hiding their stockings in the picnic basket. _

_Alex smiled at her, his gaze like a watchful owl. "Charming, really. It's wonderful you're so involved. Most women would just assume hire an au pair…" _

"_Being a mother is the most important thing I've ever done," Elizabeth said easily from her heart. _

"_I believe that as well," Caitlyn suddenly spoke up, her eyes bright and hopeful. Finally, she sat down on the picnic blanket, her eyes locked on Elizabeth like she was her lifeline. "There's nothing…nothing a woman can do that is greater than having a child. Loving a child." _

_Elizabeth smiled sincerely and looked at the birdlike woman with maternal empathy. "I'm sure you'll make a very fine mother one day, Mrs. Montgomery." _

"_Did you tell her, Alex? Did you?" Caitlyn's face suddenly went ashen as she rose from the picnic blanket, gathering her things in a frenzied hurry. _

"_No, Caitlyn, I—" Alexander stopped and composed himself as Elizabeth looked away, allowing him to maintain some dignity in his wife's strange social outburst. "I'm sorry, Mrs. Quinn. I didn't mean… I'm sorry if we have offended you in anyway." _

"_Not at all," Elizabeth whispered, shocked at such a display of emotions between a husband and wife in front of a virtual stranger. It was only in the darkness of the night that she allowed herself to tell Josef the innermost whisperings of her heart, and he protected her secrets with his life. She watched the couple disappear behind the gossamer veil of trees and lifted Michaela in her arms protectively. _

_The baby curled into her mother's arms trustingly, and Elizabeth whispered into her ear, "You are my last heart." _

"Michaela…" Sully watched her rip at his pants, revealing the flesh that had been punctured. She didn't speak.

"Michaela…" He tried again, watching her face narrow as she pulled the bullet out of his leg. "You should sit down. We have to stop your bleeding before we—"

"I have to stop yours first. You know that," she said shortly, not giving a moment to anything she was feeling. It was too much to end like this—both shot, wounded, and to talk now would simply make the bleeding worse.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, unable to take her quiet, ragged breathing and tortured silence.

Michaela tied the wound with the very end of her nightgown and when she finished, she nodded once. "I know."

"But you don't believe me." Michaela met his eyes for an instant. She couldn't handle this right now.

"I need your help." She pointed towards the blood on her abdomen. Sully sat up and moved to her. Without words, he carefully lifted the base of her disheveled nightgown, revealing bruised legs and muscles, and finally the wound on her lower abdomen.

"Oh my God, Michaela…He—he cut you…He—" Sully felt sick inside as he stared at her sliced body.

Michaela lowered her eyes, unable to look at his face. "It's not too deep, but we should pack it down before we head back."

Sully ripped the torn end of his pants and fastened them around her middle like a tube. Once he was done, his hands stopped and lingered there, waiting for her to look at him. She would be alright. She would. But would they? "Can't you talk to me?"

Michaela scoffed, fighting the tears that were coming. How could they have gotten so far off course? "I'm having trouble feeling my own body right now. I don't think I can begin to tell you what's going on in my mind."

Sully lifted her face and leaned his forehead against hers. "I love you, Michaela. _You_."

Michaela took in his words and let out a shaky breath. "I'm a doctor. I'm used to knowing things, believing in things. People trust me. I'm not used to giving myself to anyone. I gave myself to you—I trusted you."

Sully pulled slightly away and shook his head. "You're lying."

"What?"

Sully pulled her closer, so she couldn't move away. "You let yourself say the words. You let yourself dance through the actions. But you never gave yourself to me. We've been pretending everythin' was alright for weeks. And it ain't."

"What do you expect me to do, Sully? What?" Michaela raged, feeling the hot tears coming down against her will.

"I just want you to love me!" He screamed back, holding her so close she thought her body might erupt and burst into flames. Was love a trap or freedom? She had no idea.

She pushed back on his chest and felt for her own. Her hands fumbled furiously for the buttons of the nightgown, and deliberately, she unbuttoned them until the nightgown slid off her shoulders.

"Is this what you want?" She cried, lost within herself and him and the moment. Sully sat before her, amazed, dazzled, frozen, humbled, tantalized, and petrified. When he didn't move, she screamed, forcing him to answer her, "IS IT!"

Sully immediately took her into his arms, protecting her exposed body with his own as he whispered over and over again as she cried into his shoulder, "No…No…God no…"

"I hate you so much…" She whispered, holding him tighter as she hit his back and buried her face in his neck. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"

"Stop it, Michaela!" Sully soothed, even as she continued hitting him, "Stop it! You can hate me as much as ya want, but I ain't goin' anywhere. I'm stayin'. I'm stayin' even if you walk away."

"You'll be waiting a long time." She pushed away from him, taking his jacket with her.

"Maybe. But I'll risk it." He grabbed her hand, stopping her. "Marry me, Michaela."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15—"Last Hope" **

Michaela dropped her hold of the make-shift bandage around her waist and felt nothing but the solid strength of his hand. "What did you say?"

Sully stepped closer, catching her eyes. "I want you to—"

"Marry you," she whispered the very idea so fragile and foreign she could barely conceive of it.

"Yes," Sully breathed, waiting for her answer.

Michaela studied his anxious demeanor and shivered as his cold hand sent a sudden chill through hers. "Now _you're _lying."

Sully caught his breath but didn't let go of her drowning eyes as he pulled her closer, his voice growing deeper, "I've never been more certain—"

Michaela shook her head fiercely, unable to grasp this moment as she seized the collar of his shirt, knotting the fabric in her hands. "I-I don't believe you!"

Before she could run away, he was pulling her under and she was taking him in even as she struggled to leave. Her kiss was his oxygen and she was his lifeline. For the first time in her life, she wasn't strong enough to push him away, to stop her arms from circling his neck and tangling in his mused hair. God, she loved him, she loved him…She couldn't stop, even if he left her tomorrow—

"Sully! Do you see where we are?" She gasped for air, remembering every single moment that had brought them to this dark cave. She broke away from him and went to lean against the rocky wall.

He followed her but held his distance. "I know exactly where we are. And we have never needed to be together more than right now. I _know_ you've been alone all of your life. I _know_ you don't need anyone. But_ I_ need you. Do you understand that? _I need you_, Michaela!"

Her eyes glowed in the cave as she watched him in silence and quietly, she asked, "Why did you kiss her? I need the truth, Sully."

Sully sighed and kneeled before her. He looked into her eyes and answered softly, "There ain't a _Why_, Michaela. It just happened. She kissed me and I didn't think. It ain't like kissin' you. I dream about kissing you weeks before it ever happens."

Moments passed as only their eyes spoke to each other. Finally, she whispered, "You certainly couldn't have dreamed all this up, could you?"

"I knew we'd have challenges. You took my hand once and decided to face 'em with me. All ya gotta do is take my hand one more time." Sully held out his hand for Michaela and waited.

Michaela looked into his eyes and took a deep breath, her fears springing into every single nerve and cell of her flesh as she released the joints in her knuckles and extended her hand slowly, letting it hover in the air with no a safety net.

Sully waited, forcing himself not to reach for her hand and pull her straight into his arms. He knew he had to let her come to him in her own time.

Her chest rose in pounding, unfettered inhales, taking him completely in as she stretched her hand across the space between them. Suddenly, her face broke, and a faraway smile lit her eyes as she exhaled, "I remember every I love you."

"Michaela…?" Sully whispered, quickly grasping her hand as her head fell back and her chest concaved.

The fight was gone, and suddenly, her body collapsed in his arms.

_Elizabeth sprung up from her doze on the sofa as the pounding of little feet grew louder and louder on the hall stairs. _

"_Mother! Mother!" She heard Claudette's incessant whine escalating as she drove closer and closer towards the parlor. _

"_Mother!" Maureen topped Claudette's shrill sound as if she were a pair of brassy French horns. _

_Elizabeth turned towards Michaela's bassinet and saw that her baby was wide awake and watching her. Elizabeth half-grinned at the observant child and whispered, "Just wait until you have children of your own, Miss Michaela."_

_As her seven and eight year old pranced, or tooted, depending on who was winning at the moment, into the room, Elizabeth sat up straight and prepared to settle any squabbles between her girls. _

"_Mother! Mother! Maureen is being quite selfish and won't let me where her pink lacy dress for tea time at Laura Jefferson's!" Claudette whinnied with her fists knotted tightly on her hips. _

_Maureen blew fecklessly, "It's my pink lacy dress! You have your own pink dress, Claudette! Doesn't she, mother?" _

_Elizabeth sighed. She loved her daughters, but unfortunately, these two were outrageously vain. Perhaps because they were so close in age and the sense of competition simply drove them to it, but then again, they were just little girls. There was still time to straighten them out. "Yes, you do, Claudette. Both of you girls are fortunate enough to have all of the clothes and things you need and desire. Martha made your pink dress just for you, Claudette. You should wear it proudly and not want what other's have." _

_Claudette's bottom lip trembled for a few moments, but she quickly sucked it up. Her mother was always able to squash her less appealing habits. "Yes, m'am." _

"_Now. I want you two to make up and be sisters. And Maureen, sharing can be fun sometimes. What you give comes back to you tenfold," Elizabeth suggested. _

"_What does that mean?" Maureen wrinkled her nose curiously. _

"_I'll let you figure that out for yourself. Now run off, girls. It's almost tea time." _

_As the girls scampered off, Martha came scurrying in with Marjorie on her hip. "I don't mean to bother you, m'am, but this little one just woke up, and she was awfully fussy for her mama." _

"_That seems to be the running theme in the house today," Elizabeth said good-humoredly. "Come here, sweetheart." _

_Marjorie lifted her head off of Martha's shoulder and opened her reddened eyes. She slid down her leg and quickly padded over to her mother's lap. She buried her wrinkled face in her mother's arm and whispered, "I hadda bad dream." _

"_A bad dream?" Elizabeth smoothed down Marjorie's wild curls soothingly as Michaela played with her toes in the bassinette. "What was it about?" _

_Marjorie took a few dramatic, beleaguered breaths and explained sadly, "I woke up and nobody was in da house." _

"_Oh no!" Elizabeth hugged her tightly as she sniffled a bit. _

"_I looked and looked for you, but I couldn't find anybody!" Marjorie's eyes wandered around the room as she wrapped her arm around her mother's stomach. _

_Elizabeth kissed the top of her head and put a comforting smile on her face. "That's not a very nice dream. But you know what?" _

"_What?" Marjorie whispered magically. _

_Elizabeth bent down and went eye to eye with her little girl, "I'm right here. Michaela's right here. Claudette and Maureen are upstairs. And Rebecca—" _

"_Is kissin' Roger in da park!" Marjorie announced brightly. _

"_She's what!" Elizabeth pulled away._

_Marjorie covered her mouth. "Whoops. I wasn't 'posed to say anything. Don't tell her I told you!" _

_Elizabeth sighed hopelessly and tapped Marjorie on the nose. "We'll have to see about that, Miss Marjorie." _

"_M'am?" Martha hovered at the door. _

"_Yes, Martha?" Elizabeth sat up and put Marjorie on her feet. _

_Martha frowned uncertainly. "You have a visitor. A Mrs. Montgomery?" _

_Elizabeth was taken back. She hadn't seen the Montgomery's for several weeks now, ever since that day by the Charles when Caitlyn had run away. "What a strange time for a house call. I'm not even dressed yet for tea. Oh well… Show her in." _

_Elizabeth stood up and quickly noticed Marjorie by Michaela's bassinette. She eyed her little girl suspiciously. "Don't you dare pinch the baby, Marjorie. Michaela never cries and I don't want her to start now!" _

"_Mrs. Caitlyn Montgomery," Martha announced before Elizabeth was ready. Elizabeth spun around quickly and didn't even try to hide the fact that she was up to her ears in little girls. _

"_Mrs. Quinn…" Caitlyn, so light and ethereal, seemed to float across the room as she extended her hand. "Thank you so much for seeing me. I'm sorry for not sending my card first but—" _

"_It's quite alright. Our first introduction was hardly on formal terms. Why set a precedence now?" Elizabeth took her hand and laughed, plopping back down on the sofa, quickly sending another warning glance towards her impish child and her little one obviously under attack. _

_Caitlyn caught the amusing exchange between mother and daughter and smiled as she sat down beside her. "I do like you. You seem… different than most Bostonian women." _

_Elizabeth shook her head and laughed again, her face bright as she smoothed back her loose hair. "Hardly. I've lived here all of my life. But there is luxury in having a family and means that can allow you to be comfortable at times." _

_Caitlyn digested this, and proceeded, edging closer to Elizabeth, "Your husband is liberal minded, I take it?" _

"_Far more than I am, I believe. I was so uptight before I met him. I didn't understand anything about the world. He… loosened the strings and taught me how to explore, I suppose you can say," Elizabeth's voice faded off as her eyes grew distant and dreamy, to a place that Caitlyn could only recognized as one unspeakable thing, and the thought made her blush furiously. _

"_Oh…" she stammered. _

_Elizabeth straightened up quickly, suddenly embarrassed. "I can't believe I just said that. I don't know what's come over me today." _

"_No… It's… it's lovely. Quite lovely." Caitlyn touched her hand impulsively and their eyes met knowingly. Dark Spanish eyes and the Irish Sea mixed for a moment. "That kind of… passion… I'm not sure I have that inside of myself." _

_Caitlyn's pale face cracked, as if she had chinked the one loose piece of her porcelain complexion, and she began to weep. _

"_Mrs. Montgomery?" Elizabeth moved closer to her and brought her hand to her lap. _

"_I'm sorry… I'm sorry…" She wiped her eyes and composed herself. "Please, call me Caitlyn." _

"_Alright, Caitlyn. But you must call me Elizabeth." She smiled at her, her maternal instincts taking over. " What… what troubles you?" _

_Caitlyn looked down at their hands and trembled. "I'm not able to… I know your husband is a doctor. I know doctors can do miraculous things. I—" _

_Elizabeth put her arm around the poor woman, now determined she had to do something to help her. "It's alright, Caitlyn. Tell me. What is it?" _

"_I'm sterile. And there's nothing… nothing in this world I want more than a child." _

Catherine tore through the forest on Flash, the horse being her only advantage to finding Porcupine Bear and Smiles No More. The horse was stubborn and mistrustful as she cantered along, and she knew that was her own fault. She was not her rider.

Suddenly, gunfire sounded from the east and she stopped, trying to keep Flash from being spooked.

"So you speak English now, Shivering Deer," his voice came from the gnarled branches.

"Where are you, Little Bear?" Catherine spun around, trying to find him.

"Do not call me that!" Another gunshot went into the air and Flash neighed, backing up against the brush.

Catherine swallowed and continued as she followed the gunshot. "It is your name. It is who you are. I know who you are," she pursued.

"Always superior. Always better than me. Not now," He yelled, his voice becoming uncontrolled, "_Not now_!"

Catherine patted Flash's neck as she began to spin in a circle, unable to control her. "We only wanted you to stop, Little Bear. You did not need the drink."

"No, I needed you!" He barked from the darkness, "And where were you? Where were you? _With him_!"

"I loved Chasing Hawk," she said firmly, not giving into his pitiful cries.

She pulled on the reins as she saw clear movement throw the brushes. "You were supposed to marry me!"

"How could I marry anyone who treats women and children the way you do?" Her heart closed to him, her pity now turning to anger and rage.

"I do not—"

"My friends are hurt because of you!" Catherine cried out, dismounting from Flash, deftly moving towards the movement. "Dr. Mike is a good woman who did nothing to you!"

"She will be fine—she—" His voice dropped, his strength only in his mind.

"She was bleeding!" Catherine shook, wanting to run into the brush and strangle him. "Come out here and face me, Little Bear! FACE ME!"

Like an awakening nightmare, he pushed through the leaves. Catherine gasped as she saw the picture in front of her. Smiles No More was pressed in front of him with his knife pressed firmly to her neck.

"What are you doing?" Catherine whispered, almost unable to speak.

"I—" Porcupine Bear looked down, as if he were seeing his actions for the first time.

"Drop the knife now! Anâha'hahtsé hénemotšêške!" She repeated, stepping closer to him, reaching out, and touching his shaking hand on her soft neck. "If you love me, you will drop it."

The knife fell to the ground and Smiles No More tumbled after it.

Catherine fell down beside her and picked her up. She looked up into Porcupine Bear's eyes and whispered, "If you love me, you will let me go."

Porcupine Bear lifted the knife above his heart. "I have always loved you."

_The fabric of the teepee was ripped apart, and suddenly, Cloud Dancing was staring into the glassy eyes of a union officer. _

"_You were ordered to relocate to the Colorado Springs reservation. You have problems understanding English or you just don't want to go?" The officer snarled at him. _

_Cloud Dancing stood, shielding Snow Bird and Little Smiles. "We—" _

"_Awe, come here George, they got a baby over here," said the second officer from behind him. Cloud Dancing spun around. They were everywhere. _

"_May I, m'am?" Snowbird held the baby protectively, not complying to the soldier's outstretched arms. _

"_Stubborn little woman, ya got here. We just want to look—" The soldier taunted Cloud Dancing. _

"_No!" Snowbird covered her body over the baby, fear capturing her. _

_Only spurring the officer, he went behind Snowbird and lifted her shoulders off of the ground. "Hand over the baby now!" _

"_Let her go!" Cloud Dancing jumped forward, but the soldier backhanded him with his rifle, knocking him out. _

_Snowbird felt her grip failing her daughter as she began to cry. There was no where to move as her husband lay unconscious on the ground. No one to help her. Snowbird bared down her heals, but she could not hold on to the soft flesh without tearing her apart. _

"_What a darling baby!" The soldier smiled like dripping whiskey as he stole the little girl from her. _

"_Give me my baby! Cloud Dancing! Cloud Dancing! Wake up!" Snowbird cried as she fell to the ground, beating the soldier all the way there. _

"_You take a step towards the little tyke and I'll stick this bullet clear through your skull." The icy soldier stopped grinning and turned away from her without looking back. _

"_Cloud Dancing! Cloud Dancing! D-do something!" She reached for him, begging him to wake up, but he didn't move. _

_General George Armstrong Custer spun around as he pulled the baby against his chest. "Shut her up while you're at it! Lieutenant—make sure these two get to Colorado Springs. I'd suggest chaining them if you have to." _

_Snowbird's soul broke out as she burst forward, trying to follow when she couldn't move. "Please! Please! Little Smiles! Come back! Come back! Come back!" _

Elizabeth stood in front of the ocean side house in Baltimore, Maryland, nausea hitting her suddenly as she rang the brass doorbell. She couldn't believe she was here again. She couldn't believe she had left her family without a single world._ Just like before_.

The door swung open, and there were two familiar grey eyes that she remembered so vividly. "Roberta," she whispered, her voice catching in her throat.

"Miss Elizabeth… Is it really you?" The old housekeeper held out her arms and fiercely embraced her as she pulled her inside.

"Yes, it's me…" Elizabeth said, almost dazed as she entered the darkened house, so different than the place she remembered from nearly thirty-five years ago. There had been sunlight and hope then—laughter even.

Roberta stopped, time finally hitting her, as she starred at the altered woman, gray replacing the loose blonde curls she remembered so fondly. "But what on earth are you doing here? I thought after—"

Elizabeth shook her head and took her hand, knowing the old housekeeper would never be able to understand. "Something miraculous has happened, Roberta. I need to speak to Annabelle immediately."

Roberta swallowed nervously, looking towards the black marble staircase. "Mrs. Montgomery isn't seeing anyone, m'am."

"She'll see me. It's Catherine," Elizabeth pushed past Roberta and towards the staircase.

"What?" Roberta followed her, reaching for her hand again.

"There isn't much time to explain, Roberta. _Where is she_?" Elizabeth sighed, frustration quickly filling her.

When Roberta saw the icy look in Elizabeth's eyes, she couldn't lie to her. "She's in her bedroom, but—"

Elizabeth was already gone.

She reached the top of the stairs and caught her breath as she turned around the corner. She was fair too old for this drama. But, nevertheless, she had to take care of this. Composing herself, she pushed down on her corset and proceeded to walk the long length to the room she had never dared to enter before. Fear couldn't be a part of it anymore. She was more than a woman now.

She entered the dark room, and saw the figure sitting in her chaise by the closed window. "Mrs. Montgomery," Elizabeth exhaled.

A crackling voice filled the room after several minutes of silence, "I must be dying. I thought I would be halfway to hell before I heard your voice again, Elizabeth Quinn."

Elizabeth felt half her age in that moment. Why could a woman next door to death make her feel so worthless? She tried standing taller. "Something amazing…has happened. I had to come."

Annabelle laughed cruelly for a moment before allowing the silence to enter the room again. Then, as if she were weeding a garden, she picked her words like broken thistles. "_What_ in that arrogant head of yours makes you believe I want to hear anything you have to say? My son and his wife are dead because of_ you_!"

"But Catherine might be alive!" Elizabeth burst, unable to contain her relief or her knowledge any longer.

For a moment, she thought she felt the true impulse of a murderer. But, there wasn't any other choice.

"Catherine…" she finally mused, "Catherine… Ah yes… The miracle child. I could have loved her once."

"She's your granddaughter!" Elizabeth bristled, exasperated by this cold fish. "I-I want you to send for her. Take care of her. Alex and Caitlyn would want that."

Annabelle turned towards Elizabeth and smiled knowingly, "And what do you want?"

"I—" Elizabeth froze.

"You never could make up your mind, could you?" Annabelle turned back and stared at the dark, imageless curtains. "Good Elizabeth. Always so good. Doing the right thing at the right time. It kills you that I know, doesn't it?"

Elizabeth had to get out of here. If she stayed a minute longer, she would certainly kill this woman. She quickly scrambled in her purse and pulled the folded paper out. "This is the telegraph office number in Colorado Springs. She's staying with my daughter, Michaela. Tell her you want her to come home."

Annabelle picked up the paper and chuckled, loving the irony, "Your daughter Michaela! They're around the same age, aren't they? I wonder what Michaela would think of her _good_ mother if she knew about Catherine?"

Elizabeth rushed from the room, but before she turned back, she hesitated, "Do what's right, Annabelle. It would only hurt them if they knew."

"Horace! Jake! Dorothy! Get up! I need someone at the clinic now!" Sully screamed as they cleared the bridge into town. Michaela's face had grown increasingly pale as they road through the hills back into civilization. He hadn't realized how much pain she had been in—she had been fighting him so hard her body belied how much it could handle.

As they reached the clinic, he slid off the horse and gently pulled her behind him, lifting her into his arms. "Come on, Michaela… You can't be quittin' on me now…"

Her head rolled on his shoulder, and her eyes cut through her lashes. "Sully…?"

"I'm here." He touched the side of her face, as he carried her towards the door. "I'm here. I told ya I ain't leavin'."

She almost smiled before she closed her eyes again, and whispered faintly, "I want—"

But consciousness evaded her as the world descended upon them.

"Oh my goodness!" Dorothy exclaimed as she came running towards them, Loren quickly on her heels.

"What in the world—" Loren began, but stopped once he saw the dried blood across Dr. Mike's middle.

"What's goin' on, Sully?" Jake ran up, throwing a coat on over his long johns.

"She was cut across her stomach—it didn't seem that bad when I looked at it, and—" Sully stammered, as they circled him, his eyes not leaving her face.

"Sully…" Michaela mumbled again, trying to break through her haze.

He kissed the side of her face as they pushed inside of the clinic. "Shhh… It's ok… I'm right here."

"She said everything was alright." He placed her down on the table, smoothing her hair back. "It was supposed to be alright… We were gonna… We were about to—"

"She would say somethin' like that when she was hurtin'." Dorothy covered her face and went to get some fresh water. She didn't know what to do, but she would do anything to help her friend.

"Sully!" Colleen came bounding down the clinic stairs. She stopped in the doorway when she saw her ma lain out across the examination table. "What happened to Dr. Mike?"

"Ya gotta help her, Colleen," Sully pleaded, not even explaining what had happened, as he leaned over Michaela.

"I'll do what I can. We—we should send a wire to Denver immediately for Dr. Bernard." Colleen looked down at her ma and hoped she knew enough to be able to help.

"I'll stay with Colleen." Dorothy walked up beside Colleen with a basin of fresh water. Colleen and Dorothy glanced at each other as Sully still hovered over Michaela.

Hesitantly, Colleen put a gentle hand on Sully's shoulder. "Maybe you should wait outside Sully. It's… it's too much."

Reluctantly, Sully kissed her forehead and went to the door. Abruptly, he turned back and said, "You come get me when—"

Colleen nodded, sensing his worry. "I will."

"I'll be just—" He pushed on the side of the door, not yet leaving.

"I know, Sully," Colleen whispered, "Don't worry. I won't let ya down."

As soon as Sully shut the door, he was bombarded by Jake. "Who dun it?"

Sully moved past him, unable to think. "It was…"

"Come on, Sully. This is Dr. Mike, we're talkin' about," Loren pressed him.

Sully sat down on the bench, his exposed leg hitting him for the first time since she passed out. The wound seemed to throb more now that she was in danger. "It was a dog soldier. I think he was part of Catherine's tribe."

"I knew there was somethin' off about that woman ever since I read Dorothy's article," Jake exclaimed, shaking his head ruthlessly.

Sully sat up, not liking the leering look in Jake's eyes. "Catherine helped me find Michaela. I don't think—"

Jake crossed his arms and laughed, "Boy, your head is some kind of screwed up. That woman is a menace and we all know it!"

Sully squeezed his brow, a migraine hitting him suddenly. "Catherine went after him and the girl he captured."

"Well, one thing's for sure, she ain't never comin' back," Loren shook his head.

All of a sudden, Michaela's cry could be heard straight through the hearts of everyone waiting for her, and for a moment, nobody breathed.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16—"To Be a Mother" **

"Jake!" Colleen threw open the clinic door and stopped when she saw the startled faces looking back towards her. She didn't possess that sense of calm that seemed to fill her ma in times of distress. She was nothing like her. Why did she think she could be a doctor?

Jake sat up quickly, eyeing Sully's nervous demeanor. He quickly pushed passed everyone, cursing himself for not taking over in the first place. Dr. Mike was only cut though, a topical wound, Sully had said. He had done stitches before, what could be so different about this time?

He closed the door behind him and the girl and looked at her panicky expression. "What's the problem, Colleen?"

"I just…" Colleen tried to breath, but she was unknowingly hyperventilating. "I cleaned the wound… I did everything that I've seen Dr. Mike do before… but as soon as I got the needle in my hand, I couldn't remember… I couldn't remember what to do!"

"Don't worry, Colleen. I know how to handle a needle. We'll get Dr. Mike all fixed up."

_Josef lifted his head from his studies as three sharp raps knocked on his office door. "Doctor Quinn?" chimed a familiar voice. _

_Josef took off his glasses and rubbed the crest of his nose where a pink indention had formed. He quickly hid his smile as the most distracting blue bonnet entered his office. "Did you have an appointment, Miss?" _

_Her eyes sparkled for a moment and she almost grinned. "I'm sorry, no. But your wife said that you were quite obliging." _

"_She did! Well, I suppose then I should live up to my reputation. Come in." Josef spun around in his office chair and walked around in front of his desk. She closed the door behind her and sat in the chair in front of him, enjoying their game immensely. _

"_Hi," she said impishly. _

_He reached for her hand and quickly stole a kiss on the soft skin of her wrist. She inhaled sharply as he whispered, "Hello, my pet." _

_Elizabeth took her hand back, pink and flustered as the ridge of his nose. "Josef! You don't really talk to all of your patients like that, do you?" _

"_Heavens no, Lizzie! I just like to see your feathers ruffle up like a fretful hen. Now are you going to let me really kiss you, or do I have to chase you around the coup until I've caught you?" _

_Elizabeth stood in front of him and let him take her hands. "You've caught me." She tilted her face to the side and he chuckled softly as he placed a chaste kiss on her cheek. She took both of his hands in hers and took a deep breath, suddenly feeling quite anxious. "Now we must be quite serious, darling." _

_Taken off guard, Josef made light of her sudden demand. "Serious? Us? But we don't talk about serious things. I only want sweet, innocent thoughts filling that lovely head of yours." _

_Elizabeth's eyes fell. She didn't know how to take that remark. Part of it was true. In the sixteen years they had been married, there had been no real issues or troubles between them. She had become pregnant with Rebecca right away, and her life had become tending the home and the family, and his life had become his practice and his philanthropy. They had very little in common, but she loved when his eyes grew soft and warm with new ideas and visions, and he loved to tease her and make her temper rise simply for sport. But now, in this moment, their games didn't seem as amusing as they usually did. _

"_Josef… I-I am serious." _

"_Is it one of the girls? The baby?" Josef grasped her hands, becoming alarmed. _

_She shook her head. "No… The children are perfectly alright. It's another matter I wanted to discuss with you." _

"_As long as the girls are alright, we should be able to manage it." _

_Elizabeth dropped his hands and moved towards his window. "You're always telling me how I should look outside myself…how…how I should try to understand different people…right?" _

_He followed her, unsure of where she was going. "Of course." _

"_If someone came to you for help, you would do everything in your capacity to help them, wouldn't you?" She asked, a worrisome crease forming across her forehead. _

_He watched her face as twilight broke through the glass. He looked out to the fading sun and knew his definitive answer. "As a doctor, it's my job. But as a man, it's my duty. I would do anything to help someone in need." _

"_Josef, someone has come to me for help. And I want us to help them." _

"Néhvéstâhmêstse!" Catherine cried hysterically as they barreled through the woods blindly. The young girl sat in front of her, her head rolling on Catherine's shoulder, as Smiles No More moaned faintly. "Help me!" Catherine called out again, but received no answer.

As the girl's full body weight suddenly collapsed against her, Catherine had no choice but to give herself over to the Spirits.

She pressed down on Flash's neck and lifted her face to the night sky. "Take her home, vé'ho'évo'ha! Please take her home!"

Suddenly, Flash began to fly.

"_Hurry up! Keep moving!" The gruff soldier barked at Cloud Dancing and Snowbird who trailed behind his wagon in chains. They had walked miles without a murmur, eyes dead to the world and feet numb to the rocky road beneath them. Staying numb was the only way he could continue moving, but as she took one more step, she felt the stabbing pain shoot through her feet and all she could see was her baby fading away. In that moment, the chains tangled around her feet and she collapsed. _

"_Snowbird!" Cloud Dancing fell down beside her and lifted her into his embrace. "Snowbird! Get up, please… Get up for me!" _

_The wagon jerked and the soldier turned around, not stopping the wagon as Cloud Dancing and Snowbird were dragged along the dirt. "You better get up cause this wagon ain't stoppin'!" _

"_I don't want to move!" Snowbird wailed, "I don't want to move! You leave me here! You leave me!" _

_Cloud Dancing grabbed her face, forcing her to look at him. "I will not leave you! We will find her, I promise you, I promise!" _

_Snowbird's eyes stretched down the road behind them. "Every day she changes! How will we know her? How will she know love?" _

"_Our hearts—" Cloud Dancing touched her chest and tried to pull her up. _

_But Snowbird couldn't see beyond the loss. "My heart is gone! I cannot move without her!" _

_The soldier turned around, sick and tired of his prisoners, and cocked his gun. "If she don't get up, it won't pain me any to shoot her." _

"_Please…Please…Wait…She will get up… She will," Cloud Dancing begged. _

_The soldier stopped the wagon. "You got one minute before I end this trip." _

_Cloud Dancing held Snowbird's face in front of his, but she was no where near him. "Look at me, Snowbird. If you give up now, then you give up hope. She is our hope. Our son is our hope. He is waiting for us. Our future. Give me your heart. I will carry your pain." _

_But she did not move. _

"_Minute's up," the soldier extended his arm. _

"_NO!" Cloud Dancing yelled. And with all the strength in his body, he lifted Snowbird in his arms until he was standing erect, lifting her up. The soldier glared at him and slowly put down his gun. _

"_MOVE!" _

Snowbird jumped up from their fur bed, her mind a buzz as she heard the faint cries of a woman in the distance.

"What is it?" Cloud Dancing asked from his slumber.

"I hear something." Snowbird stood up suddenly, pushing her blankets away from her body.

"Snowbird?" But she was gone. Cloud Dancing jumped up and followed her out of their teepee.

"Néhvéstâhmêstse!" Catherine barely whispered, her voice gone from exhaustion and trauma. "Help…help—"

Flash stopped in front of Snowbird and lowered her weary head. She knew she was home.

"Take her." Catherine said hollowly. "She's been hurt."

Snowbird lifted her arms and Smiles No More fell into them like a limp rag doll. But the girl was no doll—her weight pushed Snowbird down to her knees as she cradled her. She put her hand over the blood seeping from the girl's neck, and she could feel Cloud Dancing coming for them.

"Etónêsóotsehoháeh?" Snowbird whispered, as she smoothed her hair away from her reflecting face.

Suddenly, Smiles No More opened her eyes and looked into the mirror before her. As the woman whispered words she didn't understand, she closed her eyes. As comfort washed over her in her sleep, she slowly began to smile.

Daybreak had come and the crowd outside of the clinic slowly quieted, and now, there were only a few tense eyes waiting for word on Dr. Mike.

All of a sudden, the front door pushed open, and Matthew stood there, wide eyed and disheveled, as if he had just been thrown out of bed.

He searched the eyes of everyone around him, looking for some type of explanation. He immediately saw Sully's ripped pants leg and knew that something was horribly wrong. "What's goin' on?" He looked around, but no one met his eyes. "Ain't somebody gonna answer me? Sully?"

Loren finally spoke up, inhaling deeply for the first time in hours. "Your ma's been hurt, son. We don't know how bad it is right now."

Matthew froze, remembering the hidden pain on her face as she road off into the night. Remembering Catherine's words. "Was it an accident—was it—?"

"No, it wasn't an accident, Matthew," Sully said, his voice gravely and knotted with guilt.

Matthew put his hands on his head and growled, kicking the door as hard as he could. "I knew I should have stopped her… I shoulda—"

Sully stood up quickly and stopped him. "Don't put this on yourself Matthew. If anyone's responsible, it's me. I should have been paying attention. I should have been paying attention to a lot of things."

"Sully…" Colleen stood in the center of the clinic door. Her face was pale and something in her eyes was different. Sully didn't know what it was.

He left Matthew and went to her. "Colleen? How is she?"

"I think…" Colleen began but uncertainly caged her just as it did when she held the needle in her hand. "I think she's ok. She's sleepin' upstairs."

Sully nodded, looking past her. "I want to sit with her. Is that ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah it's ok." Colleen tried to smile as Sully walked inside. The crowd slowly disseminated—everyone but Matthew. Her smile fell when she looked in her brother's eyes. "Matthew…"

"Come here, little sister." He held out his arms for her.

Colleen ran to him and buried her face in his chest. "I don't know if I—"

"I know you, Colleen. Ya did everythin' you could." Matthew pressed her head to his chest as she cried.

Colleen pulled back and sat down on the porch steps, her head fallen. "I don't know if I can do this."

Matthew knelt down beside her. "Ya just did, Colleen! Dr. Mike's gonna be fine, right?"

Colleen shook her head, looking out to the waking town. "But what if I missed somethin'? She was in so much pain… What if I didn't clean the wound the way ma would have? What if—"

"Stop, Colleen. I have faith in you and so does Dr. Mike. She's gonna be fine." He kissed the top of her head. "You're gonna be a great doctor someday."

Sully hovered in the shadows of the door and watched as Dorothy tucked the blanket around Michaela, as if she were caring for her own child, not a grown woman, her friend. Dorothy caught Sully in her periphery vision and whispered softly, "Come on in, Sully. She's fadin' in and out, but she's been askin' for ya."

"She has?" He walked in hesitantly, his eyes not moving from Michaela's pale form that looked vastly different than the woman he had been fighting with only a few hours ago.

Dorothy finished and looked at him, suddenly feeling awkward in the presence of a man looking at a woman so openly. "I'll… be downstairs cleanin' up."

"Dorothy?"

"Yes?" She stopped.

Sully moved towards the bed and sat down beside her. He touched the side of her cheek with the back of his hand. "She's gonna be alright, ain't she?"

"Colleen and Jake did a…a fine job, Sully. Colleen gave her some morphine to cut the pain. And… well. You know, you should have someone take a look at that leg of yours—" She answered in a flurry.

"Dorothy," Sully stopped her, "You didn't answer my question."

Dorothy bit her lip and looked in Sully's eyes. She couldn't lie to him. That would be cruel. "We're not doctors, Sully. I don't know. It was hard for Colleen. She did her best. We just gotta wait for Doctor Bernard now."

Sully nodded slowly and turned around, focusing on Michaela. It had been so dark when he saw the slash on her body. She had been fine. Topical, she said. She had railed with him. Tortured him, even. How could he miss something so important like this?

He looked towards the doorway and listened. He heard nothing. Slowly, he stood up and went to the other side of the bed. If she was going to say no, she'd probably kill him for this, but he needed to be close to her. He needed to hold her right now.

He slid onto the bed and rested his head on the pillow besides hers. "Hey… You weren't kiddin' when ya said I'd be waitin' for you, were ya? If you really want to say no, Michaela… this ain't the way to do it. I want you to wake up and scream _no_ as loud as you want to in my face. As long as you wake up, and I know you're safe and well and happy… I'll be alright. I can do this waitin' thing."

Her eyes fluttered and she whispered, her voice thick with drugged comfort, "Sully?"

"Hey," Sully started, "hey… I'm here… You don't have to speak."

Her eyes grew wider than he had ever seen them, and she smiled as if she were seeing him for the first time. "No Sully, I—I want to—"

He sat up on his arm, wrapping his arm around her face as she quivered, her eyes seeing beyond him. "What is it?"

A tear fell down her cheek as she laughed blissfully, "She's… she's so beautiful, Sully—she—"

Sully frowned, her conservation soaring on wings of morphine and he was earthbound, unable to fly with her. "Who is, Michaela?"

Michaela lifted her shaking hand and touched his eyelashes, shivering as he blinked against her fingers. "She's got your eyes. I love those eyes—"

Sully took her hand in his, his throat dry as he lived in her dream. "Just—just rest. Save your strength—"

"I want to see her, Sully. Where is she?"

"I—I don't know who you're talkin' about, Michaela," he admitted, scared as she overwhelmed him with thoughts he couldn't follow.

Michaela whispered clearly, reminding him of what he had forgotten. "Our baby… Our little girl… our—"

He was speechless. He had never seen her filled with so much conviction of something that was only a mere hope. A baby? She hadn't even said _yes_. "We don't—"

She stopped, her eyes shaking with instant fury. "Don't? What do you mean don't?"

"I mean…" Sully quickly lied, calming her. "She's—she's asleep in the next room… Um… Dr. Bernard is examin' her."

She softened immediately, her head falling back on the pillow beside him. "Oh. That's good. That's—we have to take care of her. We waited. We waited so long."

"Yeah, we did…" Sully whispered, falling into her euphoria.

She held his hand against her heart and mumbled sleepily, "I want to name her after my mother… Do you… do you mind?"

Sully contemplated the idea and wistfully, let the name roll off of his tongue. "Elizabeth…Sully?"

Michaela smiled and closed her eyes. "She sounds like a heroine, doesn't she?"

She was asleep. Sully pulled close to her and closed his eyes too, sighing. "Yeah… I can't wait to meet her."

_Elizabeth stood next to Josef, her arm looped through his. Today, she felt as if she were changing the world. _

_The Montgomery's turned around the corner and Elizabeth tugged on Josef's arm and whispered excitedly, "That's them, dear!" _

_He released her as she went to go meet them. Caitlyn hugged her immediately and Alex took her hand as his eyes wandered around the waiting room skeptically. _

_Elizabeth led them over to her husband and introduced them proudly, "Mr. and Mrs. Alexander Montgomery, this is my husband, Dr. Josef Quinn." _

_When Alex didn't say anything, Caitlyn laughed nervously and immediately stepped forward and took Josef's extended hand. _

"_I'm so pleased to make your acquaintance. Your wife has been an angel to me… to us." _

_Josef smiled warmly and eyed Elizabeth subtly. "She is that. She told me of your situation. A second opinion is always wise in delicate situations like these." _

"_Thank you, sir," Caitlyn's pale face brightened with hope. _

"_Well, Mrs. Montgomery. If you'll follow me, we'll begin the examination." _

"Stage coach is here!" Horace yelled as it rolled into town. Colleen ran down the porch and into the street. Dr. Bernard was the first person to hit the ground.

"Dr. Bernard! Thank goodness you've come!" Colleen exclaimed, nearly shaking from fatigue.

"Take me to Dr. Quinn immediately," Dr. Bernard said even though he had already begun walking ahead of her.

Colleen ran ahead and caught up with him, as words tumbled out of her mouth faster than she could think. "Right this way, follow me. She started crampin' this morning. We weren't sure what to do. I-we thought it was just a cut that needed stitchin'."

Dr. Bernard eyed her warily. "Something may have been exacerbated by it. Now quickly tell me everything you've done and given her before I begin the examination."


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17—"The Saddest Eyes" **

Dorothy crept up the staircase, only to freeze at the top when she saw the figure peering into the recovery room. "Grace?"

"Oh!" Grace jumped back, nearly dropping the tray of food in her hands. "Dorothy, ya startled me!"

"Aren't you goin' in?"

Grace took a deep breath, clearing her senses as she faced Dorothy self-consciously. "I was about to, but I couldn't bring myself to disturb 'em."

"Oh…" Dorothy nodded, slowly understanding. "He's been with her all night. Bless his heart."

Dorothy edged subtly beside Grace, peeking into the sunlit room. Michaela rested in front of Sully, his arms surrounding her like a protective shield. Their breaths mirrored each other, as if he were feeding her air. "How much longer till that doctor gets here?"

Dorothy inhaled sharply, the romance suddenly lost for her. "Hopefully anytime now. Colleen's gone down to wait on him. There's not much left for us to do now but wait and pray."

* * *

"What else can I do?" Sully whispered, his fingers caught in her sweaty hair.

"Just what you're doing." Michaela fell against his neck, her breath shallow.

Sully listened to her controlled breathing and whispered fiercely, "I hate this…If I hadn't—"

"Shh…" she soothed, tracing his arm from his wrist to his shoulder, "I don't want to talk about bad things right now. Just good things."

Sully sighed, helpless frustration seething out of him, but as soon as her soft fingers curled around the inside of his collar, he opened his eyes and found her watching him. "Good things, huh? You know I can't think when ya do that."

"Sully!" Michaela found herself laughing, despite herself, and reached for his hand to avoid another round of nausea and cramping.

"At least I got ya to laugh for a second or two." He kissed the side of her face as their hands joined again. She had been everything that night, and her needs had become like a sixth sense throughout the long evening and into the morning. When she needed to cry, he held her; when she needed to scream, he braced her; and when she needed to burst, he made her laugh.

"The truth is I've never felt safer in your arms."

Sully felt as though he were walking through heaven and hell at the same time. "Is that the morphine talkin' again?" He said lightly, nervously.

"It wore off over an hour ago," she admitted quietly.

"I'll go get Colleen—"

"Don't worry her…" Michaela stopped him, too aware of the panicked expression in her daughter's eyes. "There's nothing she can do until Dr. Bernard arrives. Besides, I need to know what's happening to me in a sober state."

"Until then—"

"We won't worry." Their fingers tightened together.

He pressed his lips to her ear. "You're stronger than I could ever be. A storm couldn't knock you down."

"It's you," her voice belied her fear, cracking slightly as she felt overwhelmed by the rage inside her body. "I need your support right now—these arms, these hands, this back… I need—"

She gasped when she realized what they were sitting in.

"What is it?"

"Sully…I'm—I'm bleeding."

* * *

"Open your eyes, Ánováóó'o, open your eyes." Cloud Dancing patted the cowgirl's face gently. She had a sweet face. He liked her already, despite her strange dress.

Smiles No More moaned as she felt the strange constricting fabric around her throat. Did Porcupine Bear hang her? Her eyes flashed open and she met Cloud Dancing's eyes. A hoarse scream escaped her throat as she pushed away from him, tangling herself in the bottom of the teepee skirt. "Who are you! Who? Who?"

"I am Cloud Dancing." He said calmly as he ascertained this wild creature. "You must be still—"

Smiles No More scrambled around the edge of the teepee, feeling her person, feeling the ground, and feeling underneath the heavy leather fabric. Cloud Dancing raised his eyebrows as he watched his patient hunt. When she did not find what she wanted, she turned around and glared at him. "Where is my gun? Did you steal it? Did you!"

He sat back and waited, a hidden smile spreading across his face. "You are fortunate to be alive, Ánováóó'o. Better to lose your gun than lose your life."

Smiles No More narrowed her eyes at the older man. "You think you're pretty smart don't you? Here's one for you, Dancing Man! Give me my gun or give me your life!"

She pushed up off the ground to her full height and towered over him. His eyes trailed her full length in amused admiration. "You are full of fire, but you do not fool me, Ánováóó'o. Lie down before you faint."

Smiles No More huffed, "And you're full of—"

Suddenly she stumbled down, her face falling ashen. Cloud Dancing leapt up and caught her, laying her down gently before she crashed.

"See? What did I tell you, Ánováóó'o?"

* * *

"How is she?" Catherine leapt up from her blanket as Snowbird entered the teepee.

Snowbird nodded good-humoredly, only hearing the row between the girl and Cloud Dancing. "Cloud Dancing's medicines are working. Something tells me she will be fine. But how are you doing?"

Catherine turned away and mused into the fire. She shivered, not knowing how she could be responsible for so many horrible things. "I think my heart is bad."

Snowbird sank down beside her. "Bad like illness?"

Catherine shook her head, watching the flames dance. "Bad like…evil."

"Why would you think that, Catherine?"

She looked down, shrugging but knowing. "I want things I cannot have. I pretend I am happy when I am not. I said what he wanted to hear, but I wanted to kiss him again. I held her in my arms, and I wished… I wished…"

Now Snowbird shivered. "What did you wish?"

"I wished her life mine."

* * *

"_Well? Dr. Quinn?" Caitlyn sat in his office, on the edge of her seat. _

_Josef stared at his evaluation in front of him. When immovable things move, when the inside is out, when things don't happen like clockwork… "I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Montgomery." _

_Caitlyn stared at him, as though she had never heard this before. "There must be something—some kind of treatment, medicine?" _

_Josef closed his eyes. This was always the most difficult part. Saying no, there isn't. "Mrs. Montgomery—"_

"_No! There must be someone, another doctor, someone in Europe—" She gambled, hoping. _

"_Mrs. Montgomery, modern treatments for infertility haven't—" _

_She stood suddenly, standing taller than a great oak, and railed against him, "I don't accept that! I won't let it be true, do you hear me?" _

_Elizabeth was at the door. She caught his eye. He sighed in relief. _

"_I hear you." Josef pressed his hand on Caitlyn's shoulder as she sank back down to her chair, not letting the tears come. _

_Josef and Elizabeth passed each other. She touched the side of his face and whispered, "You have the saddest eyes." _

"_Sometimes I wish I didn't know all that I knew." Josef smiled sadly at his wife and left the office to go speak to Mr. Montgomery. _

_When the door shut, Caitlyn spoke in a low, lifeless voice, "Your husband believes I'm an irrational woman. Full of foolish hope. But you believe me, don't you, Elizabeth?" _

_Elizabeth sighed, her eyes still on the shut door. "My husband sees the facts before him. He can't help it. He's a doctor." _

"_And you?" Caitlyn reached for her hand. _

_Elizabeth kneeled down beside her and touched the side of her face. "I see a woman. A strong woman. And I see a mother." _

_Caitlyn laughed, despite herself, and put her hand over Elizabeth's. "Thank you. What do I do now?" _

"_Don't worry. We'll find your baby somehow." _

* * *

"Dr. Mike, Sully! He's here, Dr. Mike!" Colleen called from the stairs, her breath ragged from running.

"Hurry! We need you now!" Sully called back, fear clear in his voice. When Dr. Bernard and Colleen entered the room, Colleen stood immobile for a moment, shocked by the blood on the sheets. Had…had she done this?

"When did the hemorrhaging begin?" Dr. Bernard asked immediately, not hesitating for a second as he began to check for her vital signs.

"Just a few minutes ago," Michaela answered and then closed her eyes, reaching for Sully to finish for her.

He took her hand and squeezed in reassuringly. He could tell the pain was getting worse. "She's been awake and with me the entire time."

"She's been feverish and crampin' too, doctor," Colleen spoke up, her voice shaking.

"Thank you, Miss Cooper. I need to examine Dr. Quinn before we take any action. Sir, would you mind leaving the room?" Dr. Bernard asked politely.

Sully nodded even as Michaela gripped his hand tighter as the pain enveloped her. "I'll be just outside, Michaela. I'll be thinkin' about that dream ya had."

"What dream?" She asked, overwhelmed.

"Never mind. If you need me—"

"I know." Michaela let go of his hand.

* * *

"My God!" Marjorie gasped as she pushed past Harrison and opened the front door of the house. There stood Elizabeth, soaking wet, tears mixed with rain, and she laughed, despite herself. "Mother! Where on earth have you been?"

* * *

After packing her body and placing fresh sheets on the bed, Dr. Bernard turned to Colleen with a calm, collected smile and said, "Miss Cooper, thank you for your assistance. Would you mind waiting outside for a few minutes while I talk to your mother?"

Colleen didn't look up as she tucked Michaela back in the bed. "I want to stay with her."

Michaela reached for her hand. She had been there once. "Colleen, it's alright. I'm going to be fine. Don't worry."

"Are ya sure?" Colleen's chin quivered, unsatisfied.

Michaela smiled. "Positive. Go tell Sully everything's alright."

Colleen wrapped her arms around her. "Ok. I love you, ma."

"I love you, too." Michaela watched her leave and finally looked at Dr. Bernard whose calm expression hadn't changed. "What is it, Dr. Bernard?"

"I believe you have an ovarian cyst."

Michaela digested his diagnosis as hundred different scenarios and implications flew through her mind in a single moment. The first, she knew immediately. "It's ruptured, hasn't it?"

He nodded. "Precisely, which is why you are bleeding. Of course, we can't be sure until we've operated."

Michaela closed her eyes and her thoughts began to fly out of her mouth rapidly, "And that means removing the growth—"

His calm began to break. "We've waited too long, you know that, Dr. Quinn. Most likely I'll have to remove the entire ovary."

She stopped. She hadn't considered…She had considered, but not with her, never with her… There were other ways, there had to be other ways— "But there are options… You… you have options!"

"And so do you." He offered, "You can still conceive a child with one ovary. Although the chances do decrease as you get older—"

"It's just one," Michaela whispered resolutely, as though the facts had already been given to her.

Dr. Bernard sat softly on the bed beside her. She could feel the mattress sinking and her body falling with it.

He placed his older hand over hers. She closed her eyes. He had done this before. _She had done this before.  
__  
_"Tell me it's just one," Michaela begged. Her younger hand gripped his, just as she had held her father's hand in the last moments of his life when she begged him not to leave her alone.

"I can't be sure." Dr. Bernard shook his head. "You know I have to operate, Dr. Quinn."

"Dr. Bernard... You-you don't understand–" Michaela stopped abruptly, curling over her body as an increasingly sharp pain shot through her. Dr. Bernard wiped her brow sympathetically as the cramp continued. She had been stubborn since she was a little girl. Josef had always said so, and she was certainly proving so now. What could he do to convince her to go through with this?

He leaned closer and whispered gently in her ear as she began to relax again, "I understand, I–"

Michaela's head spun around and her eyes flashed in waves of untouched sadness. "No, no, you don't understand! If it's just one, if it's just one, I can do this, I can handle this, I can tell him... I can say yes...But if it's not... You haven't seen the look in his eyes. You don't know what he wants."

Dr. Bernard sighed, unable to be a doctor in that moment. He could only see Josef's little girl. "I know, Mike... But I know what _you _want. Let me do the surgery. Let me help you."

She stared at him, not seeing any clear answers. "I need Sully."

"Dr. Quinn, you need to make a decision quickly. We don't have much time to act," he urged.

She shook her head defiantly. "I need to talk to him first."

"Dr. Quinn! I urge you to—"

"Sully! _Sully_!" She called out as her chest seemed to be caving in slowly.

Sully burst through the door and with a single look pushed Dr. Bernard out of the way. "I'm here. I'm right here."

"I'll be right outside." Dr. Bernard gave up and left.

He sat on the edge of the bed as she reached for his hands. "I've asked you this before, and I need to know the absolute truth right now. What do you want from me?"

He locked his eyes with hers. "I want what you want."

She shook her head, not accepting his answer. "Be selfish."

"I want you to say yes," he said, pulling their hands against his chest.

"More selfish," she pushed.

He tightened his hold on her hands and smiled wistfully. "I want the dream."

"And if that dream doesn't come true?" She waited, holding her breath.

She didn't have to wait though. He knew. "Then I'll thank God everyday you said yes."

She nodded, shaking her head, knowing too. She took their hands back against her chest and whispered, "I want that. I want you."

Sully's eyes cleared for a moment as all thoughts left him, and he tried to speak, but he couldn't.

She spoke instead. "Yes," she said simply into their joined hands.

Sudden laughter filled them both, but it never escaped. It only filled their hearts and eyes as they leaned in towards each other. Michaela gasped against his mouth, the kiss unrealized as a blinding white pain shot through her body. "Dr. Bernard… Get him, quickly…"

"_Dr. Bernard! Dr. Bernard_!"


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18—"The Dream"

_Perception is everything. What we do not know can only hurt us in the end. _

"This waitin'!" Sully jumped up from the bench and pressed his arms against the clinic posts. He could feel small eyes around him, but his self-control was lost at the moment. He could still feel the tremor of her hands as she curled in pain beside him. He had only seen that kind of fragility once before, and it was when Abagail had died. Matthew quickly took Brian's hand and made his way down to the store. But Sully still knew those curious, concerned eyes were still watching him somehow.

"Oh Sully…" Dorothy finally spoke, putting a gentle hand on his back.

"I'm a fool, ya know. I'm a damned fool. For the longest time I didn't tell her how I felt. Scared of gettin' hurt again. Scared that woman—that woman—in there would actually dare to stand up and break my heart. Cause I knew… I knew the first time I looked in her eyes she had that kind of… of… power, that kind of hold on me. I never dreamed I would hurt her. How selfish am I? I go day in and day out wantin' and waitin' for all the good things to come in my life, but she's been here all the time. Scared as me. I may have pushed her too far."

Dorothy's lips trembled as she heard Sully speak more than he ever had in front of her. "Sully, no…"

His head dropped and he voiced his greatest fear, "What if this is more than…"

Dorothy took his shoulders and turned him around to face her, fire in her eyes. "I know Michaela… She ain't about to give up yet. So don't you either."

Sully nodded, hearing the truth in her determined words. "I can't lose her. We're just beginnin'."

"Then don't start writin' the end yet. It ain't in sight."

* * *

"_I don't think I can go in, Elizabeth." Caitlyn's slight form trembled in her heavy winter coat as they stood in front of the large brick orphanage. It looked like a jail or a mental asylum to her._

_Elizabeth shook her head and reached out. "Don't be silly, Caitlyn. Just take my hand. I'll be with you every minute."_

_Cold air blew through her mouth like a cloud. "It's just… I'm so nervous. What if my baby's inside?" _

_Elizabeth smiled. "She might be."_

"_She?" Caitlyn frowned. _

_Elizabeth shrugged as she caught herself. "Or he. I've had so many girls—saying he almost seems strange to me." _

"_Will you never try again for a boy?" _

_Elizabeth smiled softly. "We talked about it. Perhaps when Michaela is a little older. We were certain she was going to be a boy. The way I carried her, the way she kicked me, the way—" _

_Caitlyn grabbed Elizabeth's hand. "Oh Lizzie, I want that too. Let's… Let's go in." _

"_Good." Elizabeth put her hand over Caitlyn's and ascended the steps. _

_Before she rang the bell, Caitlyn hesitated. "You'll stay with me every minute?" _

"_Every minute. I won't leave you." Then, Elizabeth and Caitlyn rang the bell together. _

* * *

"Colleen," Dr. Bernard eyed her cautiously, "Keep the chloroform at a steady pace as I begin the procedure. We want to keep your mother as comfortable as possible."

Colleen, her joints and nerves shot, didn't nod, but answered as best she could, "Yes sir."

Dr. Bernard paused and watched her, seeing a fine film of sweat forming over her upper lip. "You're doing a fine job, Colleen."

"I—" She wavered, her arm shaking as she held the bottle.

Dr. Bernard stopped completely. "Steady now."

"I can't feel my hands." Colleen finally admitted, her face paling as she tried to breathe.

"Look in my eyes, sweetheart," he ordered in a soft, commanding voice.

Colleen looked straight into his eyes, and she knew that he saw her fear and her failure. "Ok."

"If this is too much, I'll call for Ms. Dorothy."

She caught her breath and took hold of the bottle. She focused on her mother's face. "No…No… I need to be here for her. She's my mother. She's dependin' on me."

"Alright. Then we're going to do this together, Miss Cooper. I am trusting you."

Colleen didn't take her eyes off of Michaela. She wouldn't fail her. She couldn't. "Yes sir. I can do it."

* * *

"You think it is wise for you to travel so late in the day?" Snowbird watched from a few feet away as Catherine loaded Michaela's horse with supplies.

Catherine did not look up. She could feel the older woman's judgment on her. "I do not belong here, Snowbird."

"You do not belong there either." She moved to stand beside her and took hold of Flash's reins.

Catherine turned to face her and took the reins back in her hands. "I need to make sure they are safe before—"

"You will not cause trouble for them, will you?" Snowbird raised her voice, daring her.

"What could I do really?" Catherine whispered, her voice deceptively calm.

Snowbird narrowed her eyes. "I almost liked you."

Catherine put her hand over Snowbird's. "I know. I am not looking for a friend though."

Snowbird sighed, seeing she could do nothing for this woman. "You saw something horrible. You should—"

Agitation filled Catherine's face as she jumped on Flash's back. She looked down in Snowbird's concerned eyes. "Porcupine Bear is dead because of me. Because I told him to go away. I could not even watch him do it. I have to carry this alone. Goodbye, Snowbird. Take care of the girl."

* * *

"Mother! For goodness' sakes! Come in! You're drenched!" Marjorie reached out and pulled Elizabeth inside, who looked as though she were trapped inside a Monet painting.

"Harrison, go out back and gather more logs for the fire quickly!" Rebecca ordered as she pulled her shawl from the coat closet and wrapped it around her mother.

"Martha!" Marjorie bellowed, "Run to the kitchen and make mother a hot pot of tea this instant!"

"Girls! Stop!" Elizabeth put her hands over her face, exasperated, tired, and suddenly overwhelmed by filial affection. "This is quite unnecessary! I'm perfectly alright. I… I just want to be alone right now."

"But where have you been?" Marjorie asked, her eyes wide and questioning. Elizabeth looked away quickly, seeing the flash of the little girl asking her the very same question.

Elizabeth smiled and turned towards the servants, avoiding her daughters' concerned faces. "There will be time for questions in the morning. I'll be up in my room, Martha. You can bring the tea there."

"Yes m'am." Martha hustled off to the kitchen.

Marjorie stared after her, not knowing what to say. "I've never seen her like this."

Rebecca sat down beside her mother's discarded carpet bag. She stared at it until she thought she might burn a hole through it. Finally, she whispered, "I have."

When Marjorie suddenly heard the shuffling and frantic movement of her sister, she turned quickly to see her sister searching furiously through her mother's bag. "Rebecca? Rebecca! What on earth are you doing? You can't go through mothers' things!"

"There are some things, sister, that you just don't understand. _Smile_, he said. You have to smile. Well, I've been doing that for the last thirty-five years and what good has it done me? I'm not going to smile again through one more of her God driven mistakes!"

Marjorie fell to her knees in front of Rebecca and put her hands over her sister's. "Rebecca…Please stop! There are things…things in a private life that one just doesn't need to make public!"

"I suppose you're speaking from experience," Rebecca suddenly spat, her eyes stinging.

Marjorie's mouth dropped. What was wrong with her mother and sister? They weren't supposed to have any problems. They were supposed to be her touchstone. "That was beneath you, Rebecca. You can keep mother's secrets. I won't be a party to them."

She stood up and grabbed her discarded coat and ran out the door before she found out what was eating her sister alive.

Rebecca pulled the crumpled train ticket out. _Baltimore. Round Trip._ She covered her mouth and closed her eyes. "Oh God no."

* * *

Elizabeth hesitated at the top of the stairs, knowing the cold seeping through her corset was the least of her strangulations. Her eyes traveled to the closed door at the end of the hall. Michaela's old room. Slowly, she made her way there and pushed the heavy mahogany door open and entered her daughter's sanctuary. The four poster bed cradled the heavy cream linen in strict lines, the room kept in precise order like a rubric square, so different than their tumbles on their misshapen picnic blanket so many years ago. Whatever happened to that blanket? She couldn't remember. It had disappeared when she came back, and by then, Michaela didn't want to go on picnics with her anymore.

But it was better, wasn't it? Michaela loved her, despite everything. She had lost her to the other side of the world, but… but at least she loved her. That had to be enough.

Her eyes traveled to the picture of her husband sitting prominently on the bedside table. He had been Michaela's hero. _Her hero once too._

She traced the gray edges of his face, a frown formed around her face, and she couldn't help asking him as the aged tears resurfaced in her eyes. "Oh Josef… Will she be able to forgive me too?"

She took his picture in her hands and pressed it against her chest. Her head fell against the perfectly made bed, and it crumbled with the weight of her sorrow.

* * *

"_Hey…" His honeyed voice dripped into her ear and she smiled slowly, opening her eyes as snow surrounded them like a blanket. "Hey." _

"_Hey," Michaela whispered, feeling fresh and alive in the soft white that didn't chill. _

"_Good morning. Look who I brought over." Suddenly her arms were filled with the greatest warmth she had ever held. Soft and perfect. Her baby girl. _

_She smiled up at him, seeing her eyes reflecting in their little girl's. "How'd you know?" _

_His arms circled around them both. "I had a feelin' you were missin' her." _

_Michaela leaned across the cooing child and kissed him, feeling a wholeness stretch through her body. "I never knew I wanted this so much. For the longest time, I thought I wanted to be alone." _

_He smiled, caressing the side of her face. "Not now."_

_She shook her head shyly. "No, not now." _

_Sully looked down at their miracle. "She's—" _

"_A dream," Michaela realized, her heart beginning to pound furiously in her chest as the magic in Sully's eyes began to fade away and the soft bundle in her arms began to lose weight. _

"_A dream?" His voice sank beneath the whiteness. _

"_A dream. A dream…" She panicked, reaching out for him as the baby turned into a forgotten blanket. And there was nothing but white, cold white, imprisoning her in loneliness forever. "No… Sully… Come back! Please don't go! Please! I don't want to let her go! We can't let her go! You can't leave me alone like this! I can't do this alone! Sully!" _

* * *

"**_Lizzie!" Her name sounded like an irritating bee buzzing in her ear. "Lizzie! Wake up! We're going to miss the train if you don't hurry!" _**

"**_I'm not goin'!" She groaned, burying her face deeper in the starchy white pillow that reminded her of Episcopalian mass. _**

"**_Caroline! She says she's not going!" Lizzie lifted her head cautiously as she felt the tender hands of her friend disappear from her back and leave the room. Escape. This was her chance before the other one came and pounced on her. _**

**_Just as her toe touched the hard wood floor, she met the violet-blue eyes of her best friend barging in the room like an antelope. "Not if I have anything to say about it! Come on, Lina. We'll both grab a leg!" _**

**_Quickly, Lizzie grabbed the iron metal bars of her bed and held on for dear life as the twins hiked both of her legs in the air. "What do you think you're doin'! This is abuse! This is—" _**

"**_Shut up, Lizzie! Before I yank your bloomers down and expose you to the world!" Caroline threatened, her eyes blazing with youthful temptation. _**

**_Lizzie turned around and glared at her, zapping her with her crystal blue eyes. "You wouldn't!" _**

"**_Oh yes I would!" Caroline laughed and yanked hard on her underwear. _**

**_Lizzie gasped indignantly and pulled her bloomers up quickly, anger turning her fair complexion into a cherry tart. "You are evil, Caroline Lewis, and you must be destroyed!" _**

**_Caroline's eyes widened and she began to back up slowly towards the door. True to form, she couldn't help but taunt her friend before she snuck out of the door. "Come on! Come on! Let's see you do it!" _**

"**_Why I oughta—" Lizzie jumped up from the bed, with only one sock on, and jumped over the railing of the bed, running like a flash of lightening after Caroline. _**

"**_Quick! Lina! Grab her bag!" Caroline called back to a bewildered Lina, left alone in the room with three large bags. _**

**_She shuffled to the window, attempting to carry two bags alone as she saw Lizzie chasing Caroline across the campus. "But what about your bag, Caroline!" _**

**_Suddenly, the entire contents of her own bag tumbled to the floor. Her bottom lip trembled, and she touched her collar as if she were being choked. "Oh dear." _**

* * *

****

"_We have children from all over the country, many immigrant children, many colored children. I'm sure we'll be able to find a child that is suitable to your needs, Mrs. Montgomery." A middle age woman recited as though she were reading her lines from a well-worn script. _

_Caitlyn froze, her nerves shot. "My needs? Oh no, I'm not looking for a servant, Ms. Crudup." _

_The woman raised her eyebrows. "Really? How fortunate for the child. Most people are looking for cheap, hired help when they walk through these doors." _

_Caitlyn's eyes widened with uncertainty, and she turned to Elizabeth. "Lizzie…" _

"_Don't worry… I'll handle this," She reassured Caitlyn and turned confidently to Mrs. Crudup. "Please, Mrs. Crudup. Mrs. Montgomery is a good woman who simply wants to be a mother. Now. Would you please help us." _

"_Yes, of course." She said dryly. "Follow me, ladies." _

_They began to walk down the hallway, but suddenly, Elizabeth felt the absence of Caitlyn's dependent hand on her arm. _

"_Caitlyn?" She called after her, turning around. Mrs. Crudup stopped and went back to a room they had passed. Sitting in the center of the room near the door were Caitlyn and a little dark haired boy. Elizabeth was about to walk in and join them, but suddenly, she noticed the little boy and she was taken back. He only had one arm, but he was drawing with the other hand. _

"_Mrs. Montgomery, this is the sick ward. I'm sure if you follow me—" Mrs. Crudup spoke loudly over the silent picture that Caitlyn and this small boy created together. _

_Caitlyn ignored her and talked softly to the little boy as she leaned over his shoulder. "What a beautiful picture. You're very talented." _

"_Gracias, bonita." He smiled at her with dark, deep eyes that matched her own. Elizabeth held her breath. He couldn't have been over three. _

_Caitlyn's face blushed as the boy's eyes met hers. "You're Spanish? My father was from Spain. Have you ever heard of Valencia? It is on the Mediterranean Sea—where the entire world smells like salt and wind." _

_The boy shook his head and put down his drawing pencil. "No, madre." _

_Caitlyn's face broke free, and Elizabeth knew that she had never been more beautiful. "Madre? Did you hear that, Lizzie? He called me mother… He—" _

_Mrs. Crudup tapped her foot, not amused with the sentimental scene before her. She had seen these bleeding hearts before, and all they ever did was bleed more once they took in such a difficult child. "Mrs. Montgomery, Chico is very sick and will be difficult to care for. I'm sure there are more suitable children—" _

"_More suitable children?" Caitlyn snapped, instantly putting her hand over the small boy's. "What is the matter with you? I'm sorry, I've found my child. I won't be looking any further." _

"_I strongly advise against—" _

"_Is he or is he not up for adoption, Ms. Crudup?" Elizabeth stood up, her full height towering over the lesser woman. _

"_Yes, of course, but—"_

"_Then I suggest you do your job and begin the paper work while we get Chico's things together." Elizabeth locked eyes with her, ending the conversation. _

_Mrs. Crudup smiled, knowing not to go any further with this woman. "Of course, Mrs. Quinn. Right away." _

"_Would you like that, Chico? Would you like to come home with me?" Caitlyn took both of his hands in hers. They had the same hands too. Frail. _

_The boy nodded happily. "Si, bonita." _

_Caitlyn laughed, happiness filling her. "Oh, he's perfect, Elizabeth. He's so perfect." _

* * *

**_As the two girls ran into the center of town, Lizzie dove across the Green and tackled Caroline to the ground. Caroline, physically stronger, quickly rolled Lizzie over to her back and sat on her. She crossed her arms over her chest. "You're going." _**

"**_I'm not gettin' on that train. Ya can't make me!" Lizzie threw her arms over her face, clearly hiding now. _**

**_Caroline sighed and rolled off of her, lying next to her in the grass. "If you don't get on that train, I'll never speak to you again." _**

"**_I'll live," Lizzie mumbled into her arm. _**

"**_Oh really?" Caroline rested on her elbow and looked over Lizzie. "Who's going to take care of you then?" _**

**_Lizzie dropped her arms and looked down, annoyed that her chin was betraying her so obviously. "I've been doin' just fine by myself. What makes you think I need you?" _**

**_Caroline wrapped her arm around Lizzie's slight form and kissed the trembling on her face. "Because I need you, tough girl." _**

"**_Well, I hope you two have decided on something, because I'm getting on this train with your bags, with or without you!" Lina marched pass them prissily, a porter behind her carrying all of their bags efficiently. _**

"**_All Aboard! The Denver Line is now departing! Next stop Colorado Springs!" _**

**_Caroline and Lizzie stared at each other as the whistle blew. "Come on, Lizzie, what do you say?" _**

* * *

****

"That's it, Colleen. I've done all I can do." Dr. Bernard stood up and washed his hands in the water basin.

"How—" Colleen began to ask.

Dr. Bernard answered without looking at her, "I need you to put on a brave face, Colleen. I need you to be strong for your mother. I need you to smile for her, even if you don't feel it, alright? Do you understand me?"

Colleen nodded numbly as she stared at her mother's white face. "I think so."

Dr. Bernard stood beside her. Colleen lifted the corners of her cheeks. He nodded and put his arm on her shoulder. "There. You've just become a woman."

Sully heard Flash before he saw her. She stopped in front of the clinic and jumped off of the horse. He stood up and just looked at her. His accomplice. "You're back."

"I had to make sure you were safe," she said.

Sully's jaw clinched. "Dr. Mike isn't."

"What?" Catherine's stomach dropped. She hadn't wished that.

Sully looked past her. "They say these things are unexplainable, but I think it was our fault."

Catherine felt the air constricting in her hands. In her lungs. In her throat. "What did we do?"

"We may not be able to have children." Catherine collapsed on the steps as the guilty seizure struck her down, as though Porcupine Bear had hit her for the first time, plaguing her with the curse because of her lustful heart.

* * *

**_The train jerked and Lizzie's bag flew forward, her secret locket revealing two faces. An unknown woman with blonde hair and blue eyes. And her adoptive mother. Michaela_**. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19—Hush **

"**_It's comin'!" Sully put a supportive hand on his wife's shoulder. _**

"**_I'm so nervous, Sully." Michaela leaned in closer to him, taking comfort in his body that had only hardened over the years. Most men softened, but not Sully. His essay work demanded that he traveled constantly. Her hand subconsciously stretched across his stomach, finding his scar from The Battle of Little Bighorn. It had been the only other time she could remember feeling like this, remembering such fear and apprehension as he and Cloud Dancing road off into the night, seeking retribution for Custer's sins against the Cheyenne nation. Against Cloud Dancing's family. _**

**_But now it was different. Her little girl was coming home for the first time in almost a year. She wasn't even a little girl anymore. She would be sixteen in August. August. Michaela had picked the month herself when the orphanage could tell them nothing of the girl's family or past. Perhaps it was a cruel month to choose, but she couldn't help it. August had been so heavy until they found Lizzie. A birthday party replaced the weight of August 16. _**

**_He covered her hand with his own, stopping the touch memories. "I know. But she's comin' home. That's what matters." _**

**_The wheels rolled past them, and happy faces blurred in the windows as the train met its doppelganger. "When she didn't come home for Christmas and then…" _**

"**_Don't do this to yourself, Michaela," he whispered in her hair, "She's comin' home now." _**

**_Michaela nodded, shaking her head as she tried to pull herself together. "I know. And the twins have been with her. Thank God." _**

"**_What do David and Suzanne say?" He asked, looking at the still train as passengers began to unload. _**

**_Michaela followed his eyes, shrugging helplessly. "They know about as much as we do. She only confides in the girls." _**

"**_Wait! I see Lina." Sully sparked. "Lina! Over here!" _**

**_Lina, a pretty, petite girl with a mixture of her mother and father's eyes, turned and waved as she heard the familiar voices. "Hi Sully! Dr. Mike!" _**

**_Sully and Michaela greeted her with a warm hug. "You look wonderful, Lina! Where's your sister? And Lizzie?" _**

_**Michaela rose on her feet anxiously. **_

**_Lina turned around and looked back towards the train's diminishing crowd. The last time she had seen them, Caroline was still trying to pull Lizzie out of her seat. Why was she always put in these situations? "Oh, um… They're coming. They just…um… There they are!" _**

_**Caroline's bag made a diving entrance onto the loading dock. Caroline quickly followed it and turned around, her hands jabbing out of her hips. **_

"_**Lizzie… Get off the train." **_

**_Lizzie hid back in the shadow of the train, not touching the light. Her heart was pounding so loud she thought it may burst at any moment. Her eyes traveled to the sunlight. She knew she was waiting for her. "I don't… I don't want to see her." _**

**_As the departing whistle blew, Caroline planted her feet and glared hard at Lizzie, not accepting her refusal. "I don't care if you don't want to see her! She's waiting. Sully's waiting. And this train is going to move with you on it and then you're going to cause a big scene and you're going to make her upset and then she's going to know everything. So get off the damn train, Lizzie!" _**

**_Lizzie sank down to her knees and held the side railing as if it were her lifesaver. "I hate her." _**

**_Caroline pressed down on the steps and grabbed her face, forcing her to look in her eyes. "Then don't look at her. You just… hold my hand. I'll take care of you, ok? Ok Lizzie?" _**

_**Suddenly as the wheels began to roll, the thought of going home with her parents won out over ending up in Manitou with a bunch of strange cowboys. She reached out for Caroline's hand and took it. **_

"**_Don't let go," Lizzie begged. Caroline nodded and turned around, planting the most delightful smile on her face she could muster. She pulled Lizzie along, and quickly saw the same terrified look in Dr. Mike's eyes. This was going to be quite a vacation, that was for certain. _**

"**_Hi Sully, Dr. Mike. It's good to see you again." She kissed both of them on the cheek rather awkwardly, as she couldn't let go of Lizzie's hand. She stepped back and knew she had to continue talking. She found a spot on Dr. Mike's cheek and just stared at it. She couldn't make eye contact. Her hopeful eyes were breaking her heart. "Papa sends his love. And my mother sent along the Cambridge Monthly. She thought you might be interested in some Massachusetts news." _**

**_Michaela smiled but as she spoke, no one could ignore the tremor in her voice. "Thank you, Caroline. You look well." _**

**_Caroline swallowed as Lizzie's grip on her hand tightened. She felt horrible. If Lizzie didn't throw her arms around Dr. Mike in the next ten seconds, she would. "I am. Well… I'll help you load the trunks, Sully—" _**

_**Before Lizzie could protest, Caroline had dropped her hand and left her standing there alone, unprotected in front of Michaela. **_

**_Lizzie didn't know what to do with her hands and quickly looked after Caroline, silently pleading for her to come back before she began to speak. She could feel her coming closer, and she knew she wanted to touch her. With those hands. Those hands that made everything better and had tea parties in the woods and… "Lizzie?" _**

**_Michaela stepped forward and lifted her hand, but hesitated as she saw her daughter wince and dig her foot deeper in the wooden planks beneath them. When she didn't receive a response, she tried again, her voice barely escaping her throat, "Lizzie?" _**

**_Sully watched from a distance. He wanted to take both of them in his arms and rock them, take care of them. But he couldn't do that. They were untouchable right now. _**

"**_Can't you look at me?" Michaela sighed deeply. She wouldn't cry. _**

**_Sully couldn't stand it anymore. He had to say something. "Your mother's talkin' to you, Elizabeth." _**

Hush, little baby, don't say a word.  
Papa's gonna buy you a mockingbird

**_Lizzie looked up, averting her eyes far from Michaela's. "No she's not." _**

"_He's just the sweetest boy, Josef," Elizabeth milled about their joint private living room, unable to settle down from the excitement of the day. "You should have seen Caitlyn's face." _

_Josef watched his wife flutter about, his body frightfully still. "What about Mr. Montgomery?" _

And if that mockingbird won't sing,  
Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring

_Elizabeth turned by the mantle, finally slowly down and taking his words into account. "Why… I don't know. He wasn't home when I left." _

_Joseph sighed and put down his papers. He stood before her and put a gentle hand over hers. "Lizzie… Did he have any idea you took her to that place?" _

_Elizabeth removed her hand as if he had stung her. "That **place**? It's called an orphanage, Dr. Quinn." _

"_I know. And there's nothing wrong in it. But adoption is… is something that a husband and wife should do together." Josef followed her with his eyes, watching her corset expand beneath her dress. "Don't you find it rather deceptive of her?" _

_Elizabeth shook her head, not understanding him. "Deceptive? It's a child, Josef. A little boy. What is deceptive about that?" _

_Josef simmered a moment, calming himself. He didn't know why he was becoming so upset over the whole matter, but something didn't rest well with him at all. "Why did you go with her? Why couldn't Alex go?" _

_Elizabeth didn't know. But she knew it felt good to be held in such high esteem, to be respected, and seen as a strong and capable individual. Right now, she felt as she always did. Inferior. And her mouth couldn't move or say the right things to please him. "She… She trusts me. Did I… I do something wrong, Josef?" _

_Josef watched her breath increase and the fine sheen of sweat crystallize across her brow. He hated that look on her face, but he didn't know how to say what he felt. No one had ever taught him the words. "No. Of course not. If they're happy, then you did a very good thing, my pet." _

_Elizabeth exhaled, finally catching her breath. She found her smile again and sauntered closer to him. "Alright. Now. Will you please take that scowl off your face, and I'll turn out the lights?" _

"_The girls?" Josef eyed the door cautiously. _

"_Asleep," She informed him, crossing her hands together. _

_He looked down at her laced hands. He swallowed. "Perfect. After you, my dear." _

"I am tired of these games! I want to get up!" Smiles No More threw down her Cup and Pin game and looked pointedly at Cloud Dancing.

"And go where?" He asked, as he picked up the game and continued with his turn.

"Away from you, Dancing Man." She stuck her tongue out at him.

"But you are winning."

She scowled. "Because you were cheating."

"Is your name Frowns A lot?" He scratched his face speculatively.

"No!" Her jaw dropped, resenting the ridiculous accusation.

He went back to the game, ignoring her. "It should be."

Smiles No More pushed up, anger filling her. "If we were in battle, my father would shoot a bullet through your heart for saying that."

Cloud Dancing froze, as he heard such threatening words come from such a small girl. "Your father likes to kill Cheyenne?"

She nodded. "All Indians."

Cloud Dancing looked up, fastening his eyes on hers. "Why are you not with him?"

Not a sound was heard as his eyes bleed onto hers, and she suddenly flinched, unable to maintain eye contact with the old man. "I… I do not want to talk anymore! Go away."

As she turned over, hiding her face from him, Cloud Dancing got up and left their teepee.

And if that diamond ring turns brass,  
Papa's gonna buy you a looking glass

He met Snowbird on the outside. "Any progress?"

He shook his head and rubbed his chest as it tightened. "I do not know. There is something about her though. We must protect her, Snowbird. I fear she is in danger."

Dr. Bernard stepped outside, surprised to only see Sully waiting on the bench. "Mr. Sully?"

"Yeah?" He shot up from his seat.

Dr. Bernard smiled sympathetically at the eager young man. "Please come inside. She's resting comfortably now."

Sully's eyes flew between Colleen and Dr. Bernard's. "Is she—"

Dr. Bernard put a comforting hand on Sully's shoulder. "She's going to be fine, Mr. Sully. I removed the damaged tissue successfully."

Sully paused, taking in a deep, grateful breath. Then, he looked up, remembering. "What about…"

"She still has one functioning ovary left," Dr. Bernard finished for him.

Sully nodded, wobbling slightly on his feet as he gathered himself. "Ok… Ok…" Now he could be strong for her. "I'm… I'm gonna go sit with her now."

"Dr. Bernard?" Colleen asked anxiously.

"Yes, Miss Cooper?" He turned towards the young girl.

She looked up guiltily. "Can Ma still have a baby some day?"

He looked into her fragile eyes. There were some things in this world a child didn't need to know, didn't need to carry. "I need to discuss that with your mother first."

"Dr. Bernard… Please." Colleen grabbed his hand. He was taken back by the girl's force. "I really need to know. It's just… weighin' on me somethin' awful."

And if that looking glass gets broke,  
Papa's gonna buy you a billy goat

He squeezed her hand, ignoring the statistics and spoke with his heart instead. "It will be extremely difficult. But yes. There's a chance your mother will be able to have a baby one day."

Sully stood in the doorway of the recovery room, a room that now felt more like their bedroom than anything else. She was covered in fresh, white sheets, and her hair was pulled back away from her face, bringing out the gaunt shadows underneath her eyes and the pallor of her skin. But she was alive.

He sat down beside her, afraid to touch her or hurt her again. Her hand blended into the sheets, and tentatively, he hovered over the edges of her bare fingers. He shook his head, cursing himself. This was so wrong. "I should have asked ya with a ring."

His fingers slid over hers. Cold. He took her hand in his and brought it to his mouth, blowing healing, warm air against her chilled skin. He pressed her hand against his cheek and whispered, "A big diamond that you could show your ma. And she would smile for a moment because maybe, she would think you weren't marryin' someone who didn't deserve you."

He looked down. There was a blood stain on the floor. Was it hers? "The truth is, she's right."

"No she's not," Michaela muttered, her eyes still closed, fighting sleep off.

"Michaela?"

"Sully," she breathed.

"Don't try to talk. You should probably be sleepin'."

"No. I need to hear your voice." She tried to open her eyes, but the light was too strong.

He leaned closer to her and rested his head against her pillow. "Ok. Ok. I'll talk all night, until you're sick of me and I'm blue in the face if ya want me to."

"Good." She turned her head towards his voice. A sudden, magical smile stretched across her face. "We're getting married."

Sully grinned and pressed her palm against his lips. "Yeah, we are. I'm glad you remember."

"If I didn't?" Her brows shot up.

He laughed gently. "I guess I would have to propose again. But that's ok. I think I could get it right this time."

With obvious struggle, she opened her eyes. Sully winced as he saw the pain residing there. "What would you say?"

His head fell, and he collapsed against her neck. He couldn't hide his guilt any longer. "I'm so sorry."

Michaela reached up and cradled his head against hers. "Sully… This isn't your fault."

He pulled back, pacing back and forth as he tried to shake the tears away. "You deserve the world, and I don't know if I can give it to you. I don't know if I can give you our dreams. I don't know if I'll make you happy. But I do know that I love you. And I'll try every day to give you a little piece of the world."

Michaela watched him, her heart breaking. They were so different, but in that moment, she understood what he was saying. What he thought she needed. She lifted her hand off the bed, almost wanting to laugh as she called him back, "I don't need the world. I need you."

"Are you sure?" He stood only a few feet away, but the distance seemed worlds apart.

"Yes." She always thought the words were difficult to say. But not now. "Come here. I need you."

Then he realized it. Her fear was gone. It was only him standing in their way. And it struck him hard and fast and sent him running to her, and he found his place on her shoulder, inside the crook of her neck, and she took him in without hesitation. "I need you too."

They rocked each other with soft kisses and silent whispers of love, and Michaela let her tears fall with Sully as they found forgiveness together. His back quaked, and she whispered like a mother into his ear, "Hush…. Hush…"

­­­­

"Sully?" Michaela whispered sometime later, how much later she did not know. She was drained.

"Hmm?" He sat up, his arm above her.

She looked out tentatively. "Did… Dr. Bernard tell you how extensive the damage was?"

Sully ran his hand over her forehead. "Do you want me to send for him?"

"I'm not sure if I want to hear it." Sully nodded. He wasn't sure either, but he couldn't let her lose hope.

He found her face and smiled encouragingly. "This isn't the end of family, Michaela. No matter what, there's me, you, Matthew, Colleen, and Brian."

She closed her eyes, reproaching herself immediately. "How selfish am I? Charlotte doesn't even get to see her children grow up, and I…"

Sully shook his head, quieting her. "That don't mean a child of ours ain't a loss too."

She looked in his eyes, overwhelmed. "We're so far ahead of ourselves. We haven't even—"

"Even what?" He leaned his head against the headboard.

She eyed him suspiciously. "N-nothing."

Slowly, he leaned over and grazed her cheek with his lips. As he spoke, he kept his lips against her skin. "It ain't nothing."

She turned into his lips, but didn't touch them. "No it's not."

They suddenly both smiled together, and Michaela turned away, unable to keep such an intense gaze with such obvious connotations behind it. Sully chuckled and found her hand. He squeezed it. "At least I got some color in your face. You're beautiful when you blush."

A knock took them out of their tête à tête, and Dr. Bernard whizzed through the door. "Dr. Quinn, I see your fiancé got you to open your eyes."

"He told you, Dr. Bernard?" Michaela eyed Sully suspiciously.

Dr. Bernard smiled, glad to see she was in good-spirits. "No, I figured as much. I think you're marrying well, doctor. Josef would approve."

She found Sully's hand. "I think so too."

"Oh…" Dr. Bernard suddenly turned to Sully, concern filling his face. "And I checked on her sister. She's sleeping in one of the upper recovery rooms."

"My sister?" Michaela frowned.

"Yes. Poor woman. With both of us out, she only had Ms. Dorothy looking after her. I didn't realize Marjorie had epilepsy. I know haven't seen her since she was a little girl, but—"

"Does he mean Catherine?" Michaela shook her head, suddenly feeling a head ache coming on.

Sully covered her hand, calming her. "Yes."

"That woman is not my sister," Michaela said quickly, averting her eyes from the doctor.

"Oh…" Dr. Bernard stammered. "Well, I'm terribly sorry."

Sully covered and tried to smile, even as the air seemed a little staler now. "No harm done."

Michaela turned back around, the subject forgotten. "Dr. Bernard… You don't need to spare my feelings any longer. Just please… Tell me what my diagnosis is."

"Straight?"

"Totally straight." She nodded, bracing herself.

Dr. Bernard began, reciting what he knew of her condition, "As you know, with one ovary—"

"Wait…" Michaela stopped him, closing her eyes tightly.

Sully put his arm around her. "Are ya sure you want to hear this right now?"

She nodded, smiling sadly. "It's just that I already know what he's going to say. Sully, with one ovary, our chance of conceiving is automatically cut in half. It's no longer a twelve month menstrual cycle, but a six month menstrual cycle over one year. And at my age, the chances are even slimmer."

"But there's a chance, right?" Sully looked between Michaela and Dr. Bernard. Michaela couldn't look at him. She knew too much.

Dr. Bernard smiled reassuringly, his eyes not lost on Michaela, who had turned completely away from both of them. "There is a chance. You two mustn't look at the numbers or the facts." He stopped speaking when he saw her shoulders shaking. "Oh my dear, Michaela… Don't cry."

"All I know are numbers and facts!" She turned around, hitting them both with the absolute pain in her voice. In that moment, Michaela cursed being a doctor.

"Hey… Hey… Look at me… Look at me for a minute…" Sully took her face in his hands as Dr. Bernard felt increasingly out of place. "Could you give us a second alone, doctor?"

He quickly got up, thankful for the excuse to leave. "Of course. I'll be right outside."

"Thank you." When the door shut, Sully turned back around and focused completely on her. "Now look at me, Michaela. I don't want you givin' into that. I know you know everythin' in all those medical books, but for once in your life, I want you to trust me and not everything you already know."

"How?" She looked up, as if she were searching for Heaven.

He brought her face back to him, back to earth. "I want you to marry me tonight."

And if that billy goat won't pull,  
Papa's gonna buy you a cart and bull

"What?" Michaela laughed and cried at the same time as she searched his eyes. "But where are we goin' to live? And the children and my family—_my mother_—"

Sully shook his head and ran his fingers up the side of her face. "Stop thinkin' about what we don't got together and what we don't have. Marry me now."

Her eyes fell guiltily. "I… can't be a proper wife to you yet… The surgery…"

Sully pulled closer to her, sliding his arms under her arms. "That doesn't matter. There's other ways of lovin'."

"After all this and we can't even… Why do you still want me?" Michaela gingerly slid her arms around his, totally in awe.

"I'd want you and love you every day…even if you couldn't get out of this bed, even if I couldn't touch you, or even be near you. I'd love you. Marry me tonight."

And without a word, she said yes.

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

"_And if that cart and bull fall down, you'll still be the sweetest little…Chico?"_


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20—Passion**

Voices came to her slowly as she opened her eyes. She could hear them mulling about faintly, as if she were trapped at the end of a long tunnel. As she pushed off the soft mattress, the room shrank and Catherine pressed her head into her hands. Beyond her headache, she could hear laughter and feet, as though some new exciting, electric current was in the air.

"Oh! You're awake!" Catherine lifted her face to see the concerned eyes of Dorothy Jennings. "I'm so glad. We were all so concerned about ya."

"Loud," Catherine mumbled as she put her head back in her hands.

"Oh, I suppose it is… but it's this most spontaneous, romantic thing I've ever heard of!" Dorothy nearly bubbled over.

"What are you talking about?" Catherine rolled her head back and forth in her hands.

"Why it's Sully and Dr. Mike!" Dorothy giggled. "They're gettin' married in a few minutes."

Catherine's hands fell from her face. "Married?"

"Well, I best be gettin' over there. Michaela needs me to be her matron of honor."

And her face held no expression as the door shut behind Dorothy. "Married."

* * *

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

**_As they sat around the dining room table, Sully's eyes traveled back and forth between Michaela and Lizzie, almost perfect mirrors of each other as they spun their forks around their plates, eyeing each other in secret spurts. Lizzie had been the light of their lives, but something in her went black a year ago, and no matter how much they tried or questioned, they couldn't get her to open up or discuss her feelings at all. Sully didn't know what to say. He caught Caroline's eye and attempted a friendly smile. "So…girls…how are classes goin'?" _**

**_Caroline smiled in return, relieved that Sully had taken the initiative to make some kind of conversation. "Just fine, Sully. Lizzie and Lina are battling it out for top honors." _**

**_Sully reached across the table and put his hand over Lizzie's frail one. It was too small for his liking, but he squeezed her hand anyway. "We're real proud of you, sweetheart." _**

**_Lizzie dropped her fork quietly, keeping her eyes lowered. "Thanks…pa." _**

**_Caroline and Lina eyed each other. Caroline knew that Lizzie was hardly breathing as her father touched her. Sully could feel her hand shaking under his, and he softened his touch. "Aren't you going to eat, Lizzie?" _**

**_Two fast tears rolled down her cheeks. "I'm not hungry." _**

**_Michaela dropped her fork suddenly, unable to stand the sight of her daughter crying and not being able to go to her. Caroline and Lina jumped at the sound as Michaela brought her hands to her face. The first words she could think of, the wrong words, tumbled out of her mouth, "You look pale."_**

"**_I said I'm not hungry." Lizzie's chest rose heavily and she wiped her eyes until she felt the emotion die down again. _**

**_Silence filled the room again, and nobody moved. Sully reached under the table and put a calming hand on Michaela's knee, but she couldn't stop shaking. Finally Caroline shifted in her seat, raising her voice unnaturally high, "So will Brian and Matthew be stopping by sometime tonight?" _**

"**_For Pete's sake, Caroline! Do you have to be so obvious?" Lina mumbled under her breath. _**

**_Caroline frowned at her modest twin. "What? They're cute!" _**

"_**You're embarrassing me," Lina whispered loudly. **_

"**_Pa?" Lizzie rose from her chair. _**

"**_Yeah Lizzie?" Sully looked up. _**

"**_May I be excused?" She asked quietly. _**

**_Sully looked down at her full plate. They had never let her leave the table like this before. "You haven't eaten your dinner. I thought fried chicken was your favorite." _**

"**_Please Pa… I… I just. I don't feel good," she nearly begged. _**

**_Sully closed his eyes. He didn't know what to do with her. No just didn't seem to be the right answer tonight. He didn't know how to help her. He sighed and shook his head. "Alright." _**

**_As Lizzie walked past them and left the house, Michaela stood up and followed her. "Michaela? What are you doin'?" _**

**_She reached the door and turned around. "I have to talk to her. We can't go on like this." _**

"**_I wouldn't do that, Dr. Mike," Caroline said as she stared at her half empty plate. _**

**_Michaela stopped abruptly. "Why, Caroline?" _**

**_Caroline swallowed and met her twin's eyes. Lina looked down guiltily. Caroline shrugged and lowered her eyes. "I just…wouldn't." _**

**_Michaela walked back to the table and pulled out the empty chair beside Caroline. Her voice was low and steady as she implored her, "Caroline Lewis… I've known you since before you were born. I breathed life into you when you couldn't breathe for yourself. Now you talk to me straight. Why can't I go talk to my own daughter?"_**

"_**Because she knows, Dr. Mike. She knows what you did." **_

* * *

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

As the years would pass, people would always ask Michaela and Sully about their wedding and what it was like. They weren't talking about this one, of course. They were talking about the one her mother hosted some months later, quoted in the Colorado Springs history archives as "one of the most elaborate and highly attended galas of the century." However, a look would pass between them, like silent laughter or music, and they would always remember their first small, intimate wedding with furtive, amused affection.

Poetic vows had left the small gathering in tears as Sully and Michaela held each other on the sick bed. Brian sat with them as Colleen and Matthew stood on either side of the posts. The Reverend, after the moving speeches that no one would ever be able to repeat, gathered himself, and received an encouraging nod from Dorothy, continuing the ceremony.

"Do you, Michaela Ann Quinn, take this man, to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

Michaela nodded first, finding certainty in his hopeful eyes. "I do."

"And do you Byron Shelley Winthrop Sully…"

Brian's eyes popped. "Shelley!"

Colleen shot him a warning look, but Matthew's head fell against his chest as he tried not to laugh. "_Winthrop_?"

Sully sighed as the two boys fed off of each other. He looked in Michaela's eyes that were sparkling over with amused sympathy.

"Don't forget about Byron," The Reverend muttered, hiding his grin under his beard.

With that, everyone in the room erupted except Sully and Michaela. She leaned her head on his shoulder and looked up into his eyes, mouthing _I love you_. He kissed her forehead, the blush falling from his face as she stood by his side against his eternal, humiliating persecution.

"My mother was a Romantic," he mumbled, shifting uncomfortably as the laughter continued. "Now shhh…"

The Reverend finally pulled himself together and the room died down, sobering itself as they realized the patiently waiting couple were about to go on with the ceremony without them. "Take this woman, to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

His waiting had ended, and he did not hesitate. "I do."

"The ring please."

Their world broke for a moment as they forget their metaphor. "Oh… We don't have one yet."

The room fell in silence, no one sure what to do.

Suddenly, Colleen sparked and lifted a chain from around her neck. "Oh! Dr. Mike! You can use this one! It was ma's."

Michaela watched her daughter unhook the necklace and slid a simple gold ban off of it. She couldn't recall her wearing it, but she knew inherently what it was. "Charlotte's ring? I couldn't—"

"She'd want ya to have it. Kinda like us." Colleen held the ring out in her palm. "Come on. It's your weddin'. Ya can't have a bare hand."

Michaela nodded quickly, her decision made. "Alright. I love you, Colleen."

Colleen kissed Michaela's cheek affectionately. "I love you too, ma. Here ya go, Sully."

The Reverend smiled as they made their final arrangements. Sully took Michaela's hand in his, and he took that has his cue to continue the ceremony. "Repeat after me, Sully. With this ring, I thee wed."

Sully slid the old band on her finger and clasped her hands when he reached her knuckle. "With this ring, I thee wed."

"Wow… it's a perfect fit, ain't it, Sully?" Brian marveled at their joined hands and the one ring between them. Michaela laughed, knowing in her heart that so much more than the ring fit in that moment.

"It sure is, pal," Sully agreed, his face mirroring hers as they waited for the last, sealing words of their union.

"I now pronounce you man and wife," The Reverend said joyfully, and the entire room broke out in cheers and laughter, blocking out the Reverend's next words. But it wouldn't have mattered anyway. They were already kissing.

Brian smiled at Matthew and Colleen as he watched them kiss. This made it real. They were a real family, and nothing could ever change that.

* * *

"**_Lizzie? Are you in here?" Michaela pushed the door open of the barn, lighting the wide space with a lantern. As she received no response, she began to leave, but just as she touched the door handle, a muted sob echoed from the haystacks. _**

**_Michaela walked deeper into the barn, careful not to make any sudden moves. "Lizzie… I know you're in here. I can hear you, sweetheart. Please tell me what's wrong. If I did something to hurt you, I want to fix it." _**

**_When Michaela rounded the corner, the only sign of Lizzie was her legs sticking out of the hay. She kneeled down beside her. "Lizzie…" _**

"**_I'm not one of your patients. You can't operate on me." Lizzie pushed herself further in the hay. Michaela could only see her feet now. _**

**_Michaela put the lantern down and sunk down to her hands and knees. She crawled towards the hay. "I… I know that. I didn't mean… Just please. Talk to me." _**

**_Lizzie closed her eyes as she felt the hay next to her rustling. "I don't see the point. No matter what you say, the facts speak for themselves." _**

**_Michaela stopped, lost in the hay, and baffled as she dug for her daughter. "What facts? I don't know what you're talking about!" _**

**_Then, Lizzie felt her hands, those hands, on her like soft, warm, comforting memories. She couldn't run because they were buried. She couldn't run…because she didn't want to. She missed her too much, but her words could still lie. "Don't touch me." _**

**_Unable to take the rejection again, Michaela did not crumble into herself but grabbed tight to Lizzie, wrapping her arms around her in the strongest, most protective embrace that only a mother could give. "I'm sorry! I have to touch you! YOU'RE MY BABY! I LOVE YOU AND I'M NOT GOING TO LET GO UNTIL YOU WAKE UP AND REALIZE HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! YOU ARE MY HEART! MY HEART, DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?" _**

"**_STOP IT! STOP IT, MAMA!" Lizzie cried out as her head leaned back into Michaela's neck. Untouchable grief escaped her as she allowed herself to feel the comfort and pain of Michaela's arms, knowing everything and knowing nothing. Finally, she broke, and her fighting ceased as she locked her arms around Michaela's and sobbed quietly, "Mama… Mama…Why aren't you my mama? Why?"_**

**_Michaela pushed back her matted blonde hair and kissed every stain on her face. "I am, baby… I am…"_**

**_Lizzie pushed away suddenly, unable to get the haunting words out of her mind. "If you really loved me, you wouldn't lie to me!" _**

**_Michaela followed her, shaking her head blindly as they sat there in the dark together. The lantern had died. "I've never lied to you—" _**

**_Lizzie looked down, her voice low and hurt as she found her controlled anger again. "You didn't tell me about the baby." _**

**_Michaela looked away from Lizzie, now thankful for the dark. "I don't tell anyone about her. It's not you, Lizzie. There are some things… a woman can't speak about." _**

**_Lizzie could feel Michaela's distance immediately. Another truth she couldn't avoid. Another fact that made everything so painfully real for her. "But you say I'm your daughter. Or at least you want me to be." _**

"**_Lizzie…" Michaela turned back, tears in her eyes. _**

**_Grief found grief in the dark. "Is that why you did it, huh? Am I the great substitution?" _**

**_Michaela gasped, hating that Lizzie would think that for one moment, but knowing that it had always been unavoidable. "Substitution? God no! I adopted you because I saw you and I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I knew I loved you." _**

**_Lizzie nodded, confused and tired. But she had to know. "So that's it. That gave you the right. That's why you stole me from my real mother?"_**

* * *

­

"_Good grief! What is that racket downstairs!" Josef sat up in the darkness and reached for the lamp beside him. _

_Elizabeth didn't move from her nook on the corner of his pillow. "Who on earth would be calling this late?" She mumbled. _

_Josef swung his feet over the side of the bed and plodded to his dressing room. "I'll go down and see, Lizzie, don't worry." _

_Elizabeth winced as she heard a wail from downstairs, and suddenly, her slumber ended. She threw the covers over the side of the bed and went to the covered window. She pushed back the curtains and looked down to the street. _

"_Josef!"_

"_What?" He came back into the bedroom with his robe tied securely around him. _

"_The Montgomery's carriage is outside," she said, unable to take her eyes off of the dark shadow it made in the moonlight. _

_Josef stiffened as he watched his wife's still back. "They wouldn't come unless it was important." _

_She heard his feet against the hard wood. She could hear Martha's on the stairs. Had that been Caitlyn's wail? She spun around, her stomach falling. "Wait! I'm coming with you." _

* * *

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

"Are ya goin' on a honeymoon now?" Brian asked eagerly.

Sully and Michaela eyed each other wistfully. They hadn't had bouquets of flowers or rows of guests or a first dance. It wasn't a fairytale wedding. But it was real. And it meant more than any dream they could ever imagine. "I don't think so, Brian. We probably won't be leavin' this room any time soon."

Brian pouted, now thoroughly disappointed for his ma and his new pa. "Well that stinks. But I got an idea! Matthew and Colleen and me could stay and keep ya company so ya don't get bored."

Sully and Michaela's eyes widened as they were quite lost for words. Luckily, Dorothy put her arm around Brian just in the knick of time. "That's awful sweet of you, Brian, but generally, newlywed couples like to be alone on their weddin' night."

Brian turned around, sighing hopelessly. "But ma's feelin' so poorly…she needs our love."

Sully hid his smile as he put a secure arm around Michaela. "Don't you worry, Brian. I'll make sure she's taken care of…" He found her eyes, and Michaela lost herself. "I'll make sure she's loved."

* * *

­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

"_Caitlyn?" Elizabeth stood at the top of the stairs, unable to move as she stared at the sight before her. Caitlyn was at the bottom of the stairs, crumbled on the floor, with a small boy in her arms. "My God!" _

_Josef pushed passed Elizabeth's frozen form and ran down the stairs to the Madonna and her child. "He—he won't wake up—he—" _

"_Josef!" Caitlyn looked up at Josef, asking him to take her son, to save him. _

_Josef lifted her up, his eyes full of compassion and knowledge. "Come inside quickly! To the drawing room—"_

"_Why? Oh God! Oh my baby…my baby! Chico!" Caitlyn cradled the limp child, and Elizabeth sunk to the top of the stairs. Frozen._

_She looked down, and she saw the same petrified eyes reflecting back at her. Alex. _

* * *

Michaela watched Sully carefully as he worked purposefully around the room. His activities varied from odd to plain old romantic. Somehow, he had found some used candles in the clinic's attic and had strategically placed them in all four corners of the room. He had had Grace bring in an array of delicious assortments—from fried chicken to a small white cupcake Michaela could only assume was their "wedding cake." And lastly, he came in with the largest basin of water Michaela had ever seen. She had no idea what that was for, but as he caught his breath, she cut him off before he could start on another activity. "You can stop overcompensating now."

Caught off guard, Sully went to her and sat down on the crisp, white sheets. He tucked her up to her chin and frowned. "You think I'm being insincere?"

Michaela looked at him sympathetically. Even now, he was still apologizing. "Just everything you've done…said…since… It's all been right. And now we're married, and I just…"

"You keep waitin' for the other shoe to drop," he assumed, smoothing the white sheet out across her cocooned body.

Her head tilted, and her eyes swelled. "We were so far apart for a reason, Sully."

He nodded, looking down, his arms on either side of her. "And I made things worse."

She shook her head, her arms aching to get out of the confining sheet and reassure him. "It wasn't entirely your fault. We both have responsibility to each other. I think that's what love is."

Sully sighed, his mind reeling over the past few months. _I love you_ had come so fast, this, even faster. And he hadn't been patient. He _hadn't_ thought. He didn't know how to contain a love that didn't seem to fit in his body. "I thought I knew how to love you before. But everything's changed now."

"How?" Michaela asked, her fingers sliding and pushing against the mattress under the covers.

His fingers spoke lightly across her face, not pushing or pulling, just gliding. She gripped the sides of her nightgown as he spoke softly, "I didn't know how to sit still and wait for you. I was always thinkin' of the future. But now that we're here, immobile, my love for you runs through me, and I don't want to go anywhere but where we are right now. I'll wait for you forever."

Michaela closed her eyes. "Forever," she whispered. She didn't want to wait forever. She didn't have to—they were married. But she couldn't ignore the dull pain across her stomach or her own medical knowledge. They had to wait at least three months to be safe.

Sully's quiet fingers left her face and they were quickly replace by a soft, gentle kiss. Before he had a chance to pull away for safety's sake, she arched her neck and captured his lips in hers. Without her hands, she couldn't hold him to her, and she hoped he wouldn't move away. She didn't want chivalry tonight.

Sully gripped the pillow underneath her head. He couldn't touch her. He couldn't hurt her more. But her kiss, her sweet kiss, as she tempted them both with the tip of her tongue, couldn't be ignored or rejected.

Suddenly, their tongues tangled as months and years and hours poured into a single kiss as waiting no longer became an option. His hands knotted hair and she ripped at the sides of her nightgown. It was too much. Three months… Oh God… Three months… What had they done? There was no safeguard, no barrier that kept them apart anymore—only danger. As a deep moan escaped Michaela's mouth, Sully was quickly brought back into the present. They couldn't do this. They had to wait. He ended this kiss, cold catching his lips immediately as he separated from her, spinning about the room as he stood. Everything was uncontrollable again.

He stopped and stared at her, his lips swallowed and his disposition haggard. He was losing. What battle, he didn't know. "You're my passion."

Michaela swallowed, her throat dry, but her lips still warm from where they had kissed. She knew, but she didn't know. It was hidden somewhere deep inside, but she could see it in his eyes. She didn't know that her eyes mirrored his. "Passion?"

"You feel it?" He asked.

"Yes," she answered without knowing.

Sully turned around and pressed his hands on the wall. She watched his hands flex as he said her name and she closed her eyes, "Michaela…"

"I want…" She whispered into the side of her pillow.

He turned around and saw her struggling. He couldn't stand it. "Shhh…."

"But I want…" She pressed, gripping her eyes tighter.

"I want to touch you," he said hoarsely. He didn't know whether he was finishing her thought or asking permission.

"Gently," she whispered, giving permission. Then with a soft smile, she finished his thought, "I want you to know me."

Sully nodded his head. He didn't dare breathe as he closed the distance between them. He sat beside her and reached for the white sheet across her neck and pulled it down to her waist. He released her limbs, and they immediately sought his, finding his touch necessary, as if he were a part of her body that she had been missing all of these years.

As they began to lock, he hesitated. She felt his resistance in her own fragility, and she held on to him, to her new hands. "I won't break," she promised, "Come closer."

Tenderly, Sully's lips dropped to her neck. Their hands pressed back into the pillows as she whispered, "Closer."

Her eyes shut and her world turned to night as his lips found her collar bone and created a new moon within its arch. She was the sky and he was a nebula, each kiss a new star on her skin. His hands left hers and she felt the bow of her nightgown loosen. "Closer."

Sully lifted his head for a moment. She felt her new eyes open. They looked directly at each other, the colors of their eyes mixing in a swirl of dark, undiscovered passion. Silently, they whispered, "Closer…"

* * *

She sunk in the hallway corner, putting her hands over her ears. She thought of everything she had told him. She had said all the right things. But it hadn't brought her closer. The right thing was never worth it. He didn't appreciate it. He only cared about Michaela's constant rejections.

Suddenly, she began to laugh. It was funny really. "Closer," Catherine repeated again. And again. And again.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21—"With Fried Chicken" **

**-This chapter contains a graphic non-love scene love scene between a married couple.**

"Ms. Rebecca! Thank goodness you're finally here!" Martha bobbed up and down at the door, a mass of anxiety.

"Martha? What is it?" Rebecca asked as she took off her leather gloves and suede hat.

"Your mother has a telegram. It's postmarked urgent." Martha gripped the yellow paper with her life.

Rebecca smiled patiently. Sometimes she truly did not understand the servants. "Well you should give it to her, dear."

"Yes… Yes I should." Martha nodded, her brow furrowing in six separate rows. Suddenly, she burst. "Ms. Rebecca?"

Rebecca sighed. "What aren't you telling me, Martha?"

"Mrs. Quinn hasn't come out of her room for nearly two days! Truth be told…. I'm afraid to go up there. She screams at me every time I go near the door." Martha wrung her hands together.

Rebecca looked towards the stairs, her patient smile fading. "Oh goodness me. Why on earth didn't you call for me sooner?"

Martha shook her head. "Cause I thought it would pass… I thought… I thought she'd be fine."

"Oh dear. Why don't you give me the telegram to give to her. Mother's hysterics have gone on long enough." As Rebecca began to mount the stairs, she looked down at the telegram and saw the harsh black letters glaring back at her. She stopped halfway up the stairs. She couldn't look away even though she knew it was private. Somehow she had always known, but now, she could no longer deny it as the facts stared her in the face.

_Dear sweet Elizabeth stop I considered your offer and the girl cannot be my problem stop She is your responsibility now and I want nothing to do with her stop It is time you faced the consequences of your actions stop Annabelle Montgomery._

"Ms. Rebecca! Oh my goodness! Ms. Rebecca! Wake up!" Martha called. But Rebecca couldn't hear her. She was out cold.

* * *

"_I'm scared, Elizabeth." Alex looked towards the closed doors of the drawing room. They could no longer hear Caitlyn crying. _

_Elizabeth looked down at her house slippers. She couldn't get up off the staircase. They had been sitting there ever since Josef and Caitlyn took Chico inside. "I know. I shouldn't have—"_

_Alex covered her hand with his and smiled gratefully. "No. Caitlyn's never been happier. We needed him." _

_Elizabeth clasped his hands and looked at him with utter confidence. "My husband is brilliant. He won't let him die. I've seen such miracles. Such miracles, Alex." _

_Alex smiled sadly. He almost had hope in his eyes when he looked at her. "If you believe, I'll believe." _

_Elizabeth nodded fiercely. "I do."_

_Two fast sobs escaped him, and he collapsed within himself before he recomposed himself with a smile. "From the moment I saw you, I knew you were our angel." _

_Elizabeth shook her head, feeling like a complete and utter failure to them both. "I'm not an angel." _

_Suddenly, a wail that could shatter glass broke throughout the house. _

_And Elizabeth knew. _

_Chico was dead. _

* * *

"What are you doing?" Caroline leaned over Lina's shoulder.

"Nothing." Lina flushed the notebook hard against her chest.

Caroline raised her eyebrows. "Then why is your hand moving?"

"Because I'm writing. It doesn't concern you, so go away." Lina turned closer to the hearth and eyed her twin warily as she hovered around her.

Caroline dropped to her knees beside her. "Lina… Come on, you can tell me. Is this your diary?"

Lina's eyes widened in disgust. "I wouldn't dare keep one of those. Besides you'd tell all of my secrets to the world!"

"Then it can't be all that private! Give it to me!" Caroline reached for the notebook and ran across the room, protecting herself with the dining room table.

"Caroline!" Lina jumped up, suddenly feeling sick inside. No one could see her notebook. No one.

Caroline's eyes scanned the pages greedily and immediately began quoting the words in front of her, "Lina frowned, still unsure if he was actually going to stay or leave. 'Not—not anymore. Instead, I feel nothing. The tissue is beyond repair.'"

Caroline looked up, totally confused at the words she just read. "Lina? What on earth—"

"Give it back, Caroline!" Lina's tiny frame shook with rage, her eyes spilling over as she reached for the papers. "Please!"

But Caroline turned away, and ran up the stairs, her eyes glued to the paper. "'Nothin'?' Stephen placed his hands over her tight fists and gently pried her arms apart, revealing the scar tissue again. 'Everybody's gotta feel somethin'.'"

She looked up at her sister, her eyes mystified as Lina pulled her hair down in pain. "Who… Who is Stephen?"

Lina shook her head fiercely, angry, embarrassed tears spilling down her face as she paced back and forth. "He's… He's… just a character. Just someone I made up."

Caroline bit her lip. She had never seen her sister like this. She was quiet and good… and no one really paid any attention to her. "But Lina… He's talking to you. And your skin…"

"It's just a story!" Lina yelled.

"Can I see the rest of it?" Caroline tried to ask sweetly.

"No!" Lina ran to Caroline and ripped the notebook out of her hands.

"What? Am I in it? Is that why you won't let me see it?" Caroline joked.

Lina looked down guiltily. "It's… it's not finished. Please, Caroline! I'm… I'm not like you. I can't shout everything I feel to the world. Something's I have to keep private. And this story is one of them."

Caroline sighed. She obviously wasn't winning this one. "Alright. Will you forgive me?"

"I forgive you." Lina nodded, holding her notebook protectively close.

"I'm going upstairs to wait on Lizzie. Goodnight." Caroline turned away, everything already forgotten.

But not for Lina. She was about to rewrite Chapter 11.

* * *

"_**I need to see you." **_

"**_I thought I had been excommunicated from the holy chambers of Beacon Hill. What do you want, Rebecca?" _**

"_**It's about Lizzie, Catherine." **_

* * *

"**_Adoption isn't stealing, Lizzie. Who told you it was?" Michaela smoothed Lizzie's golden fly-a-ways out of her face as darkness overtook them. _**

"**_I—" Lizzie covered her face with hands and blew air out of her lips as her mother ran her fingers through her hair. She liked it, and she didn't want to think about bad things any more. _**

**_Suddenly the barn door opened and a familiar voice called out to them, "Did my ladies solve all of the problems of the world?" _**

"**_No," Lizzie moaned, falling back tiredly against Michaela. _**

"**_We're at a stand still." Michaela rocked her gently and continued to play with her hair as Sully attempted to make his way through the darkness. _**

**_When he found them, he lowered his lantern and delivered a plate full of fried chicken. "Well, you might as well eat something while you're doin' all that standin'." _**

"**_What did you bring us?" Michaela attempted to sit up, but she had a fifteen year old splayed across her body. _**

**_Sully smiled at them tiredly. "Cold fried chicken." _**

**_Michaela's eyes sparkled in the darkness. Sully winked at her as he delivered her a wing. "Mmm… My favorite." _**

**_Lizzie looked up and sniffed. "Give me a wing," she asked hungrily. _**

**_Sully looked down at the plate of fried chicken, not letting on how pleased he was. "Now I thought you weren't eatin'." _**

**_Lizzie lifted her head prissily. "I'm allowed to change my mind, aren't I?" _**

"**_Course." He handed her a greasy wing too. Then he tugged a little on her loose, messy hair. "It's gonna be alright, Lizzie. No matter what, your ma and I love you." _**

**_Lizzie watched him push up off the ground and head back towards the door. It was one of those moments where she couldn't speak and the moment was just going on without her, but before he got to the door, she called out, "Pa!" _**

**_Sully stopped and turned around. "Yeah?" _**

"**_I…" Lizzie felt Michaela's hands tighten around her in sudden hope, and the moment just kept getting longer, and she just couldn't say it. "Never mind." _**

**_Sully nodded quickly and left. Michaela sighed, her hand loosening around Lizzie. Lizzie knew what she was going to say before she said it. "You love him. Is it that hard to say?" _**

**_She felt caged again pushed away from Michaela. "I don't know what to think. How can I know what to feel? You say one thing, and she—" _**

"**_She?" Michaela stopped her. She felt cold all over. She had felt this before. Once. When the baby was born. When the baby—_**

"**_My real mother. She found me. She's been… coming to see me at school for a year now." Lizzie stood up, circling her arms around her body as if she were holding herself. _**

**_Michaela suddenly felt sick. Her real mother? That didn't make any sense. Adoption was confidential. Adoption was…"What? Why didn't you… Why didn't you say something?" _**

**_Lizzie bent over, shaking her head. All of a sudden, she vomited the contents of her stomach and dropped to her knees. Michaela ran to her and wiped her mouth with her own skirt. Michaela pulled Lizzie against her, and Lizzie began to cry uncontrollably, "I was going to, but then she started saying things… strange things… About you and pa… She knows things. And then she told me somethin'… I just…" _**

"**_Baby…what is it?" Michaela kissed Lizzie over and over again, not knowing how she could make this better. Michaela had never garnered murderous thoughts before, but she was quickly beginning to understand how a person could kill someone over hurting a child. _**

**_Lizzie shook her head, all confusion. "I couldn't believe it." _**

"**_What?" Michaela asked, desperate for answers now, desperate to find this woman who claiming to be Lizzie's mother. _**

**_Lizzie whispered, gripping the locket around her neck. "She said you were sisters." _**

* * *

****

"We… We have to stop…" Michaela pushed up on his chest suddenly, painfully aware of how close they were getting. Too close. But when closer didn't stop, well…

"Ok…" Sully breathed heavily, nodding only half aware as he was still caught up in getting to know his new wife. They were doing quite well, in fact. Not once scrap of clothing was left on their bodies.

"We—" Michaela searched for something anything in the room to hold on to. Anything but him.

Sully popped up quickly, an idea sparking. "We'll… We'll eat fried chicken. That's what we'll do."

Michaela's face broke wide with laughter. "Fried chicken!"

Sully nodded, totally serious. "It's the best way to distract ourselves."

Michaela bit her lip and reached out and ran the tips of her fingers down his arms. "I'll have a wing please."

"God, I love you." Sully's eyes glistened and he leaned in for a kiss.

Michaela laughed as he smothered her again. "You're going to bust my stitches!"

Sully quickly pushed off of her and flipped to the other side of the bed and reached for her hand. He kissed it apologetically. "I'm sorry. Ya ok?"

She nodded regretfully. "Yes. This situation…"

"Is unacceptable," he finished.

She tried to turn a bit, catching his eyes. "We've had shaky beginnings before."

"But we've never been like this before." He leaned on his side and looked at her thoughtfully. His fingers began trailing his thoughts. "Your green eye is mine now. This eyebrow…the one that arches…is mine… This shoulder…how you tense it when I come close because you ain't use to my bein' close…it's mine… This flesh under your left breast that ain't never seen the sun…"

As his hand skimmed under the delicate flesh, Michaela closed her eyes and arched into his hands. She didn't know if she was warning him or asking for more. "Sully…Sully—"

"It's mine," he whispered, taking her full breast in his hand.

Michaela exhaled and opened her eyes. "I want to watch you."

"Watch me?" His face wavered a bit, and she felt his hand quiver against her heart.

"Be mine."

Michaela met his eyes, her face deep crimson as words flew out of her mouth that she didn't quite know the exact meaning of, only that she had never seen Sully look at her so openly before. She swallowed and felt the shaky new words coming to the tip of her tongue. She lifted his hand off of her skin and placed it back on the curve of his stomach. "These fingers are mine…"

Sully died, and for a moment, he felt Michaela's hands inside his own as his fingers descended upon his skin. "Michaela… I don't think I can take…"

"Shh…" She covered his lips with her fingers. "These lips are mine, and they aren't speaking."

He kissed the tips of her fingers, secretly claiming them for himself as well. "Mmm…"

Her eyes traveled down his body, down the white sheets, and she saw his hip bones pressing against his taunt skin. "Your hips…"

"All yours," Sully mumbled, finally relaxing into her voice as he allow his hands to travel where she dictated. Michaela watched his fingers move greedily. If only she could feel what those hands felt.

Before another word was spoken between them, Sully's hand disappeared beneath where the white sheet stretched across their waists. Michaela couldn't deny her sudden urge to rush from the bed, as she was no simpleton. After all, she had begun this haphazard exploration and knew what she wanted. Where she wanted to be.

But she couldn't move. To see him. She was jealous of every part of him. Too much had been denied. Repressed. His face was passion. His face was heat. His face was hers.

"Michaela," he moaned, his breath ragged. Michaela cried a little at the sound of her name as she felt her torn insides begin to ache for him. "Michaela…"

"Sully," she mouthed as she felt her body mimicking his in her mind, as his chest rose and fell to ragged breaths, as his lungs palpitated like flapping streamers, and her hand tightened and retracted on the white sheets, daring itself to reach out and join its mate.

Sully caught her eyes, and suddenly stopped his motion. She knew he saw straight through her. In the past few minutes, she had lost her mask. From the day she had met him, she had been afraid of falling, afraid of showing her heart, and now, it couldn't be hidden.

She released the white sheets and lifted her hand. First, she claimed the arch of his chest. Then, she claimed the curve of his stomach. Then she took his hips softly. And he sighed as her hand disappeared beneath the white sheet, gently, clumsily, anxiously finding his fingers, her mate. She found the soft, vulnerable skin, and touched a part of him that would one day be a part of her too.

Sully groaned and moved to his side as to access her mouth. He had never imagined they would be together like this, but as their hands worked over him sensually, his imagination nearly exploded as his body began to convulse against her in shattering tremors.

They kissed with their eyes open. Sully didn't know if her tears had fallen on his face, but his cheeks were drenched with moisture.

"It's ok," Michaela whispered against his tear-stained cheek. "You can let go. I've got you."

As her thumb brushed across his tip, he cried out into her mouth, and Michaela held his body firmly as he stiffened against her.

His heart pounded throughout the room as he stared at her, the center of his world, and he pulled back a moment as he saw the wonderment and the… what was it? Love, yes… and was it jealousy, in her eyes?

Slowly, he gathered himself on all fours and hovered over her. She looked in his feral eyes questioningly, and he simply shook his head. "Trust me."

"Alright," she whispered. His mouth shot down to her left breast, the one he had claimed, and he nibbled her aroused nipple in his mouth with his lips and tongue. He wanted to brand her. Gently, he circled his teeth around the darkened skin, and slowly, slowly, bit her. Michaela flew off the bed as she felt the sensation travel deep, deep inside her body. It was almost as if the pain had been squelched by boiling hot desire.

There was something different about his eyes… Something inherently masculine. She had done it to him. His lips moved tenderly down her body, and when they reached her gapping gauzed wounds, he stopped. He didn't touch the sensitive area above her hip bone, but he lifted his eyes to hers, as though he were asking permission. Then, as if he were as light as the air, he descended below her hips and pressed a gentle kiss to the soft skin.

Then the soft kisses turned to cold water as Michaela felt the safe white sheet slip slowly below her hips and off the bed. Michaela's mouth went hot and dry as she felt his mouth run across her thighs and her curls. "What… what are you doing?" She asked, now feeling extremely exposed, shy and innocent.

"Rectifying the situation," Sully lifted his head. "I'll be gentle. Don't worry."

"But I'm not…" Last night and this morning flashed in front of Michaela's mind, and all she could see were the stained sheets she had created. It wasn't… She wasn't…

Sully reached up and found her hand, knotting their hands together. "What's yours is mine, Michaela. If you don't like it, I'll stop. I just… I want ya to feel something too."

"Just…Just do it before I change my mind!" Sully grinned at her slowly. Michaela leaned back and instinctively put her arms over her face. One thing he was learning about his new bride: she craved pleasure but didn't know how to have it. With great care, he lifted left her leg and placed gentle, swirling kisses down the side of her thigh until he reached her tiny, untouched hairs. Slowly, he let his tongue part her. He could feel her trepidation immediately in this tender spot, this sacred area, which had seemed to only be a source of pain for her. But he wouldn't let that be. He found her essence and engulfed her like the mouth of the ocean.

Michaela gasped at what she thought would be pain, but suddenly turned into soft, electric sensations of throbbing pleasure. She released her hands from her face and immediately reached for his hair as he took her sweetly. She couldn't hold on to it, yet she couldn't stop it either. It was continuous, and it was mounting, and it was filling her beyond belief, and suddenly, she knew, she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she was his as she washed away like the tide into his mouth.

"Do you like it?"

"I like it… I like it… I like it," she said, letting the tears run down her face freely.

They were surely pushing the limits. But as he crawled back beside her on the bed, she had a strange feeling that limits didn't apply to them.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22—"The Baby's Story"**

Smiles No More felt two firm hands pull under her shoulders and lift her to her feet in the half-lit tent. She sputtered in the older man's face, "What are you doing, Dancing Man!"

"You will try and walk today. Yes?" He smiled, seemingly unaffected by the early morning.

She buckled her knees and dropped back down to her comfortable blankets. "The sun has not yet said hello, so goodbye!"

But Cloud Dancing lifted her right back up. "Best to start before the sun wakes. Now up. Up, up, up!"

Smiles No More scowled sleepily at him. "Snowbird needs to control you better."

He lifted her arm around his shoulder and led her to the teepee opening. "We are married. We are not prisoner and warden."

Smiles No More nodded begrudgingly, and then arched her nose high in the sky. "You are right. I was confusing you with us."

Cloud Dancing chuckled at the girl and led her to his horse. "Come on, Frowns A lot. I want to show you something."

Smiles No More hesitated for a moment. "You want me to ride with you?"

Cloud Dancing's face softened as he saw the little girl's locked jaw. He flew on the back on the horse and reached down for her hand. "You'll like it. I promise."

"Alright." She sighed and put her hand in his, and Cloud Dancing lifted her in front of him. "But I get to hold the reins."

They road into the woods, and Smiles No More bit her cheeks to hide her laughter as Cloud Dancing inadvertently sent the black stallion into a wild canter, sending them flying through the leaves as if they were a part of the sky. Suddenly, they burst through a clearing, and a rumbling plain stretched ahead of them for miles and miles. And then she saw them running towards the horizon.

"They passed the reservation this morning," Cloud Dancing whispered in her ear.

"Buffalo!" Smiles No More nearly squealed aloud, her face wide and open with amazement.

"Yes. Buffalo." Cloud Dancing nodded as they watched them moving away together.

"They are beautiful," she said quietly.

"Yes."

"Can we ride with them?" She asked hopefully, turning her dark eyes towards his softer ones.

"You are not afraid?" Cloud Dancing raised his eyebrows.

Smiles No More turned back towards the wild animals and almost grinned. "No."

"Then hold on to the reins."

"Hold on with me!" Smiles No More yelled as she kicked the side of the horse and sent them chasing after the sunrise.

* * *

He lowered his binoculars and frowned as he saw the two Indians riding with the buffalo. Something sat uneasy with him.

"What in the world are those crazy injuns doin'?" His corporal asked him.

"Why Corporal, those aren't injuns," General Custer put a fresh cigar in his mouth as he watched the small one in front wave her hand in the air like a flag. Was she laughing? "They're animals riding with their own kind, don't you see?"

* * *

_The door of the drawing room opened slowly, and Caitlyn walked slowly into the room with the limp child in her arms—Lear carrying his Cordelia. _

_Elizabeth tried to stand up from the stairs, but her footing faltered, and Alex caught her before she fell._

"_Caitlyn?"_ _Elizabeth whispered._

_But her senses were gone. She was gone. _

"_Caitlyn?_ _Darling, please—" Alex left Elizabeth and tried to touch her. _

_Caitlyn jerked away from him as if his hand was a hot poker. "Don't touch my son!" _

_As soon as the fire appeared in her eyes, it blew out again, and she cradled the little boy closer. Her voice detached from her body as she whispered softly, "We're going home now. I'm going to put Chico to bed." _

_She turned away from Alex and began to float towards the door. Alex took a step after her, but Josef Quinn restrained him. "Caitlyn!"_

"_Don't, Mr. Montgomery. She's in shock. She's going to need something to help her rest." He turned a sharp, disturbed eye towards Elizabeth. "I'm going to the hospital to retrieve the proper medication. Will you—?" _

_Elizabeth_ _stepped to the other side of Alex and supported his weight. She met Josef's eyes, and somehow she knew, in that moment, as he gave her Alex, their lives had changed forever. "Of course, Josef. Come with me, Alex. Let's take Caitlyn home." _

* * *

"What do you mean Rebecca fainted? My daughter has always been in perfect health!" Elizabeth rushed down the stairs, not even bothering to done her proper morning clothes.

"She was takin' a telegram to ya, M'am, and she clear passed out on the stairway," Martha explained.

"Telegram?" Elizabeth stopped abruptly. She shook her head and continued to run into the drawing room where Rebecca was doubled over on the sofa. "Rebecca! What on earth? You're not ill, are you?"

"What do you think you're doing, mother?" Rebecca moaned into her hands, not bothering to look up. Martha promptly closed the doors on their conversation. Both ladies were always extremely formal. She couldn't recall a time when she had seen either of them so disheveled.

Elizabeth spotted the yellow piece of paper on the coffee table. She gasped in horror, "You've been reading my mail!"

Rebecca sat up slowly, trying to reclaim her spine. "It's difficult not to when you refuse to come out of your room, and now I see why you've become such a recluse. I thought your days of secrecy were long over. Apparently I have been misled."

Elizabeth's mouth dropped. Never had her eldest daughter talked to her in such a fashion. It was more often Marjorie or Michaela who seemed to strike the occasional attitude with her, but Rebecca? "You have no idea what you are talking about Rebecca, and I would appreciate if this conversation would cease before either of us says something we are liable to regret forever."

Rebecca quickly grabbed the telegram and stood up. "I'm not entitled to feel resentment and anger for what you did to us? Yes, I remember now. I'm not supposed to feel anything about it!"

Elizabeth cringed. She had avoided this conversation for years, and Josef had always been the buffer between them. But now, she couldn't. She never knew how much Rebecca knew, but now, it was evident that it was more than enough. "I know you were hurt and I take responsibility for that, but I did what I knew was best at the time, and I will never for a single day regret that decision! Now give me the telegram!"

Rebecca's mouth dropped. So it was true. It all was true. Somehow she just thought it was a story she had made up all these years. But to hear her mother actually admit it? "No!" She cried.

"Rebecca!" Elizabeth extended her hand and reached for the telegram.

"No good can come of this."

"This is my business, not yours." Elizabeth looked away, unable to look in Rebecca's eyes anymore.

Rebecca raised her chin, determined not to feel anymore. Her father had been right. "When this spirals out of control, do not expect me to save you again. Do not expect me to make this alright."

"Give me the telegram," Elizabeth whispered, her voice like steel.

Rebecca placed the telegram in her mother's hand. "Happy mother?"

"No." Elizabeth shook her head and crumpled the telegram. "Rebecca, I'm going to Colorado Springs. With or without you."

* * *

"**_Is somethin' wrong, Lina?" Sully asked the quiet girl as she stared into the fireplace. _**

**_Lina_** **_turned around and smiled at her hero. "Um…no. Well, maybe. I'm just writing a story. And I'm not sure this twist is right." _**

"**_Twist?"_** **_Sully smiled at the girl. He had always thought her a little strange, somewhat distant, but she was a sweet girl, and he appreciated her imagination. _**

**_Lina_** **_frowned in frustration. "Yes sir. It just seems too obvious to me." _**

_**Sully kneeled down beside her, looking into the dying fire. He wasn't much one for these endless novels she seemed to write—he preferred the sweet poems she would write as a little girl, but he couldn't just leave her hanging. "Well, then why don't you just twist the other way then?" **_

"**_Twist the other way…" Lina smiled at him. She liked him a lot. He was just so simple in some ways. The perfect match for her complicated heroine. "How are Lizzie and Dr. Mike doing?" _**

_**Sully wobbled his head back and worth. He was worried, Lina could tell. "They were speakin' the last time I checked. Now that could change any minute now." **_

"**_A new twist, huh?" Lina half-smiled. _**

"**_Lord, I hope not." Sully almost chuckled. He stood up slowly and headed for the stairs._**

**_Lina_** **_watched his back. "Sully?"_**

"**_Yeah Lina?"_** **_He turned around. His eyes weren't as bright now that he was away from the firelight. _**

"**_Are you happy?" She asked quietly. She looked down, suddenly embarrassed that she dared to ask such a thing. "I mean… Have you gotten everything you wanted out of life?" _**

_**Sully shook his head and smiled at the girl. "You sure do ask big questions, Miss Lewis." **_

_**She shrugged, letting it go. "I'm just curious." **_

"**_Goodnight, Lina." _**

"**_Goodnight, Sully." _**

**_Lina_** **_turned back to her paper and began to write again, "The knife sliced through the flesh of his arm, but the physical pain was numb compared to the pain in his heart. He didn't understand how this could happen. He didn't understand how he would be able to forgive himself. How he would be able to forgive her. He didn't understand how God could be so cruel."_**

_**Chapter 8 was beginning to make sense to her. **_

* * *

****

­­

"How was the honeymoon?" Dorothy pulled Michaela into the examination room as they watched Sully saddle the horse and hitch the wagon outside.

Michaela smiled brilliantly. "Wonderful! Better than I could have hoped for, but I can't say that I'm terribly disappointed to be getting out of that bed."

Dorothy laughed sympathically. She could hardly imagine her energetic friend trapped in bed for a week. "You poor thing. I am thrilled to see you stretching your legs again. You certainly do have a tinge of rose in your cheeks, despite everything."

Michaela's eyes widened. Was she that obvious? "Dorothy!"

"I take it bed rest was the way to go?" Dorothy giggled as she edged closer to Michaela.

"I'm not saying a word to you!" Michaela fidgeted uncomfortably, crimson coloring her entire neck and face.

"Michaela Quinn! You are just being cheeky!" Dorothy threw her head back and chuckled good-humoredly.

"Not a single word!" Michaela said, retaining her public modesty as best she could.

Dorothy sighed. "Fine then. Just so you know, my imagination is healthy and in tact, so it's liable to go places without your consent. Just tell me this at least… did you break doctor's orders?"

Now Michaela was the one to sigh. "No…we didn't. Dorothy… What if… No… You'll think me foolish…!"

Michaela's face fell in her hands. Dorothy gently put her arms around her friend and she whispered knowingly, "What if you can't wait that long?"

"Yes," Michaela admitted quietly.

Dorothy nodded and proceeded with care, finally seeing how delicate and important this subject was to her. "Well, you're the doctor. Will it cause harm?"

Michaela's eyes fell a bit, tender knowledge weighing hard on her mind. "The tissue needs time to heal, and if we want to conceive, then it's best to wait."

Dorothy locked eyes with Michaela. She could see the desire there without even asking. "And you want a baby."

Michaela leaned in closer and said secretly, "I can almost see her sometimes, Dorothy. It scares me a little."

Dorothy's chest tightened a little, but she smiled as wide as she possibly could. "You'll get that baby of yours. I can feel it."

"Hey," Sully said quietly, standing in the center of the clinic door. He was looking at no one but Michaela.

"Hi," Michaela replied impishly. A smile Dorothy knew only lovers shared passed between them, and she suddenly felt the room much too crowded for three people.

"Well, I'm just gonna make myself scarce now." She headed towards the stairway door.

"Goodnight, Dorothy," Sully called after her.

She turned back towards them before she reached the knob. "You two have a happy first evening with your family. I'm glad you're goin' home."

"Ya ready? The kids are waitin'." Sully reached out for Michaela's hands and pulled her into his embrace. They still weren't lovers, but they had learned how to love. Michaela smiled as she held her husband a little closer.

"Let's go home, Sully."

* * *

"Oh Goodness! You scared me!" Dorothy gasped as she opened the hall door way and found Catherine standing on the other side.

"I'm sorry, Miss Dorothy." Catherine startled and jumped back.

"It's alright, Catherine. What were you doing hidin' back here? Shouldn't you be restin'?"

Catherine fumbled for her words, "I wanted to say goodbye to them, but—"

"Yes. Well, they've already left for the night. You alright, Catherine? Ya seem anxious," Dorothy questioned.

Catherine pushed passed Dorothy and walked inside of the examination room. "No, no. I am alright."

Dorothy examined her, trying to find an explanation, "You're still hopin' to hear from your folks back east, aren't ya?"

Catherine looked up, a bewildered look in her eyes. "Oh. It… it does not matter now."

"Sure it does! Everybody has to have a family!" Dorothy exclaimed.

"Not me."

"I'm sure that's not true." Dorothy tried, but Catherine did not answer her. She stared out the window. At what, Dorothy did not know. She sighed, realizing she wasn't going to get much further helping the woman. "I've got to run to the store for a bit. Will you be alright here?"

"Yes," Catherine nodded absentmindedly. As soon as Dorothy left the clinic, Catherine wandered to the window and looked out to the dirt road. She could see the wheel tracks left behind by Sully and Michaela. They had left without even thinking about her, as if she had never happened.

She was alone.

The thought made her anxious, and she didn't know what to do. She felt trapped in this clinic, trapped in Colorado Springs. Something was keeping her here, and it was bigger than her own heart.

She ran towards the door and went out towards the street, needing to breathe fresh air. She looked up to the sky, but a voice brought her back down to earth.

"Hey there."

She looked across the street and saw his piercing blue eyes staring back at her. "Hello," was all she could say.

Hank smiled slowly as Catherine stared at him. He threw his cigarette over the railing and stood up as he kept eye level with her. "I read that article bout ya. Ya like your meat raw, huh?"

Catherine froze, confusion filling her as he spoke strange words and looked straight through her. "What does that mean?"

He chuckled, and she shivered as he began to stalk across the street towards her. She felt like an animal in a trap. "Ya like the red man. Ya like to take him inside ya, huh?"

He hovered over her and she couldn't speak. "I—"

He pulled a piece of her disheveled hair down, straightening it until he let it loose. She gasped. "You want to come inside here? I got men who will pay a pretty penny for a girl like you. They don't care who you've been whorin' with before."

She pushed him away, sending Hank stumbling backwards in the dusk. "Leave me alone!"

Hank held his hands up, amused harm filling his face. "Suit yourself. Offer stands though."

* * *

"**_Sister?"_** **_Michaela fell back, her mind whirling. She took in Lizzie's features, but for the life of her, none of her sisters struck a sour cord in her heart. Not even Marjorie, who claimed her mother's fair features as a child. And there was no way. Marjorie had kissed her goodbye and died in Loren's arms. _**

"**_She…she knew about the baby, too," Lizzie spoke slowly, her eyes rimmed in red as she began the interrogation of her life. _**

"**_What?" Michaela's heart iced for a moment as her mind traveled back nearly sixteen years ago. _**

_**Lizzie swallowed, the smell of poultry now dank and sour in the air. "Things I didn't even know. Things you wouldn't tell me. Won't tell me." **_

"**_I love my sisters…" Michaela shook her head, trying to rap her mind around everything she was learning. She felt like a puppet in her own life, and this woman had been controlling and dictating her moves ever since Lizzie came into their lives. But the baby? How in the world could she know about the baby? "Rebecca was my rock, but even she doesn't know, Lizzie. Some things I can't even repeat to your father. Only… only… but she…" _**

_**Lizzie sparked, suddenly finding hope in her mother's not knowing verses the woman's certainty and precision. "Who Mama? Please. Please tell me. I want to believe you, not her. Tell me what happened." **_

_**Michaela placed her fingers on the bridge of her nose, as she traveled back in time to that hot August day. The hottest she had ever seen in Colorado. "A woman was there. Sully and Cloud Dancing had gone after Custer. I shouldn't have gone that far, I knew, I knew in my condition that it would be risky, but I had to do it for Smiles No More." **_

_**Lizzie lowered her head, suddenly feeling guilty. She had led a charmed life compared to Smiles No More. She reached for her mother's hand, letting her heart melt a little more. "I know. I would have gone too. I don't think there's anything worse than stealing someone's child." **_

_**Michaela met Lizzie's eyes. If this woman was her mother, is that how Lizzie would see her? As someone who stole her time, her years, her memories? For Michaela, there was nothing worse than losing her children, but she felt Lizzie's hand tightened over hers, and she had to trust that she wouldn't pull away if fiction proved to be true. "And she showed up. She always showed up. She was always hovering, waiting. As though she expected something from me." **_

_**Lizzie frowned. Their stories were already different. "And then?" **_

_**Michaela's head fell, finally dropping years of weight from her memory. "And then I went into labor." **_

_**Her shoulders shook, and Lizzie immediately wrapped her arms around Michaela. "Mama… I'm right here. You can tell me…" **_

"**_And I tried to coach her, but she panicked. She didn't know what she was doing. I didn't really know what I was doing…" Michaela laughed for a moment, despite the pain. "When I got pregnant, David wouldn't even tell me the chances of carrying the baby to term because they were so slim." Lizzie looked down and pressed their hands flat together. They were the same size now, almost interchangeable. _**

"**_There was a great deal of blood. She was screaming. The baby… the baby was screaming. I couldn't catch my breath. The last thing I remember is her words, the baby is still. The baby is still…" _**

_**Their hands stilled in each others, and not a breath passed between them. "When you woke up?" **_

_**Michaela swallowed. Her hands began to shake. "I woke up in Custer's camp three days later. And the doctor there confirmed that my baby was stillborn. I never even saw her." **_

_**Lizzie gripped her hands, but couldn't stop the trembling. "The woman?" **_

_**Michaela stared in her daughter's crystal blue eyes for a moment. She liked to pretend that Lizzie had inherited Sully's eyes. She never imagined anyone else's until that moment. She stood up abruptly, her body beginning to shake all over. "Lizzie… It's too much. You don't want to know." **_

_**Lizzie pushed up off the ground and grabbed her mother's hand hard. "I need to know, Mama." **_

"**_Custer kept her in his private tent." Michaela felt the strength in her daughter's hand. Pure determination. She couldn't deny it. "I can't even imagine what happened to her." _**

_**Lizzie stumbled backwards, as if she were a wildcat unleashed from a cage. "Custer? He's… he's the…the… general who killed… He...?" **_

_**Michaela tried to go to her, but Lizzie was completely unapproachable as she screamed and hit the side of the barn with her bare fist. "Lizzie!" **_

"**_Oh my God… My God…!" Lizzie screamed as she ripped the locket off of her neck and flung it in the air before running out of the barn. She ran as fast as she could, no longer relying on air as the horror of the situation became more and more resolute in her mind. She ran up the steps and few into the house, not even acknowledging Lina's presence. _**

_**She ran into her room and flung herself on the bed. Caroline quickly jumped up from the other side as Lizzie burst into sobbing tears. She shook her back gently, panic taking over. "Lizzie! What is it? What is it, love?" **_

_**Lizzie shook her head in the pillow, muffled words escaping, "I think it's true… I think…"**_

_**Caroline leaned against her and ran her hands gently down her matted hair. "What? Tell me. You know you can tell me anything." **_

_**Lizzie lifted her head and sputtered, "What that woman… C-c—" **_

"**_Catherine," Lina whispered quietly from the door. _**

_**Lizzie nodded her head frantically. "Mama's story is worse. She's not gonna love me anymore! S-she didn't even know—she didn't—" **_

_**Caroline closed her eyes and pulled Lizzie closer. "Just breathe, sweetheart." **_

"**_That means Custer was m-my father," She said disdainfully as she pulled on her own hair, hating herself. _**

_**Caroline quickly grabbed Lizzie's hair from her and pried it out of her hand before she hurt herself. "And you still believe her?" **_

_**Lizzie collapsed, her face destroyed and her mind totally blown. "Nothing else makes any sense. What other reason would she have to claim to be my mother?" **_

"**_Maybe it has nothing to do with you," Lina said quietly, walking further into the room. _**

_**Lizzie and Caroline stared at Lina. "I don't understand." **_

**_Lina's_** **_eyes sparkled, her thoughts running wild with different scenarios. "She knows you love Dr. Mike and Sully, right?" _**

_**Lizzie frowned, her tears stopping for a moment. "Yes, but—" **_

"**_Where has she been all these years, Lizzie? It's not like Dr. Mike and Sully hid you away. Wouldn't she have come sooner?" Lina suggested. _**

_**Lizzie turned away from her and buried herself in her pillow. "Maybe she couldn't." **_

**_Lina_** **_tightened her hold on her notebook. "I don't know what it's like to not know my real parents, but Lizzie, don't throw away what you have for a few half-truths. Make sure you know the whole story first before you abandon what you know is real." _**

_**And she left the room as if she had never been there. **_

* * *

"I can't believe I've missed the homestead so much, Sully." Michaela whispered as they road along the country road together.

Sully gazed at her, hardly able to keep his eyes on the road ahead. "I know… It's home now, isn't it?"

She leaned her head on his shoulder. "Our home."

He kissed her forehead, already feeling the need to be closer to her. He whispered, "It won't be forever though."

She looked up at him, surprised, "It won't?"

"I want to make love to you in our own bedroom," he whispered in her ear, as if someone could hear them on the open road.

"Stop the wagon." She put her hand over his and tugged on the reins. The wagon stopped and she put her hands around his face and took his lips and mouth and thanked them with hers. After several moments, she pulled away and agreed happily, "Me too."

He grinned broadly and shook the reins, sending them onward. "Alright. Ya ready to face 'em?"

"Yes Mr. Sully." She nodded, unable to hide her pleasure.

As they turned around the bend, Sully stopped the wagon abruptly. Another wagon was already there. In the way. A man and a woman were there, waiting with the children.

The man was out of the wagon, standing with the children, and the woman was still sitting inside the wagon. Her hand was on her stomach. Then Michaela realized she was pregnant.

"Who is that?" Sully whispered to Michaela.

"Michaela?" The man stepped out from the group. Michaela frowned. She didn't know him, but he obviously knew her. He stepped closer.

He was limping.

Sully quickly helped her out of the wagon, and they approached the man slowly. Twilight hit his face, and she realized he wore a patch across his left eye.

"Michaela," he said again. She didn't know why, but she suddenly needed Sully's hand. She looked up towards the wagon, and she saw the most beautiful violet eyes she had ever seen in her life. She was almost jealous. She looked back towards the man.

"Do I know you?" She whispered, her knuckles suddenly white as she met his one good eye.

He nodded once. "It's me, Michaela. It's David."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23—"When You Love Someone"**

"David?" Michaela scanned the face before her and saw nothing of the man she once knew. David never hid behind a beard. He told her everything from the proper way to hold a scalpel to how beautiful she looked with only an intern's nap. Their eyes locked for an instant, and for a split second, she saw the eyes that had claimed to love her so many years ago.

And she felt sick to her stomach. It had been a lie.

"David," she said again, recognition sinking her voice as she tightened her grip on Sully's steadfast hand. This couldn't be real. No, Sully's hand, the hand she was holding, the children, the homestead, that was real, but David; he was every bad dream from the past seven years staring her in the face. She had seen his dead body clearly in her mind. She had been to a memorial when they couldn't find the body. She had carried grief in her heart. Real grief. And she would never be able to get those years back now. She held Sully's hand tighter, needing him. Needing to escape from this waking dream. "Sully, take me inside. Take me inside now!"

"Michaela, stop!" David sprung into action, quickly following her, despite his reservations. She was the only one he could trust now. "I have to talk to you! There's so much you don't understand—that, that I need to explain to you!"

"David, stop! We shouldn't have come—" The violet eyed woman waiting in the wagon pressed. She was tired from the strain, but she would gladly stay awake if it meant leaving this surreal rendezvous. She knew everything about Michaela, and yet, she was nothing like the woman she had imagined. This woman was fire. Did David know that?

"I don't want to see him, Sully. Make him go away." Michaela spun past them all, mounting the stairs as she heard his voice calling after her, needing her. She closed her eyes as she reached for the door. "Children! Inside, now!"

Sully held tight to her retreating figure. He had never seen her like this before. He didn't know what to think or feel, but this man obviously had a powerful affect on her. "Alright. Whatever you want, but don't ya… Don't you want to know what he's doin' here?"

Michaela opened her eyes and shook her head, her mind spinning until she met his eyes. "I don't think I can listen to anything he has to say right now. My God… Everything I've ever felt up to you hasn't been real."

Sully nodded and gently ran his hand down her arm, slowly understanding her. He didn't need to be jealous. He needed to protect her.

"I'll find out what he wants. You just rest. I'll take care of everything."

As the children passed Sully, he turned back to the couple waiting. There was no doubt this man had been in war. He had ghosts in his eyes, and when he walked with such a pronounced limp, his soul carried the weight of a man half-dead. "David?"

David cleared his throat, sizing up the strange man before him. He knew who he was without asking, but formality would not let him assume. "Yes, and you are…?"

Sully crossed his arms in front of his chest and stepped down the stairs, stopping in front of the taller, broken man. He met his eyes. This man could have been what he was. "I'm Sully, Michaela's husband."

David looked down instantly. And Sully glanced towards the woman waiting, not so patiently, almost fatigued, in the wagon. He could only imagine what had happened as the woman ran her hand protectively across her swollen belly. "She got married. That's… that's good. That's good. I hoped…"

Sully shifted his weight as he watched the man wring his hands. "Look, I'm sure you got good intentions, but my wife doesn't want to see you. So do you got a reason for bein' here?"

David smiled suddenly and chuckled as Sully's curtness. He shifted the weight away from his bad leg and released his hands. "And you love her. I hoped she would find someone, but you don't have to protect her from me. I'm not here to disturb your lives."

Sully frowned, unsure of how to deal with this situation. Something was so strange about it all, and he couldn't figured out what it was, besides the glaringly obvious dead man returning. "I think the look on her face when she saw you was enough to last us a life time."

"I'm sorry." David looked down again, shame masking his face. "I wouldn't have come if I didn't need her."

Sully shook his head, not understanding him. "Need her?"

David attempted a polite smile and moved towards the wagon, reaching for the worried woman's hands. "If you'll allow me, I'd like to introduce you to my wife, Suzanne."

"How do you do, sir," Suzanne said quickly, only making eye contact with Sully briefly.

Sully tried to smile as he took in the strange couple. "M'am."

"As you can see, Mr. Sully, we're expecting," David stated, suddenly feeling this trip had been in vain as Sully's face remained unchanged.

Sully watched David grip the side of the wagon. Suzanne quickly covered his hand. Sully recognized it immediately: protection. He swallowed and met David's good eye. "What does that have to do with Michaela?"

"I suppose it has to do with you as well." He lifted Suzanne's hand from his and slowly removed his hand from his glove. Sully frowned as Suzanne lowered her head, her attention going to her growing womb. David extended his hand, but his knuckles froze in mid-air, trembling as if they were cold. Sully met David's eye. It was nearly February. He could be cold.

"Michaela might recognize it. However not all the symptoms fit the diagnosis. You can't imagine how maddening it is."

"You're sick," Sully realized.

"We both are." Suzanne lifted her head and met his eyes.

"What?"

David limped forward, desperation creeping in his voice and face. "Please. I need to speak to Michaela. She has every right to hate me for what I've done to her, but I don't trust anyone but her."

"I'm listening."

Michaela stood in the door frame, her face unreadable.

* * *

Catherine peered through the window of the clinic. He was still there, still watching her. She had never seen a smile like that, like hard nails turned upwards. He puffed on his cigar and blew a smoke ring in her direction.

Suddenly Catherine turned away from the window, smoothing down the cotton dress as if something were attached to it.

She felt dirty.

In an unclean cage. She had to get out before she destroyed it.

She ran to the door, but as soon as she reached the knob, she realized there was nothing outside that door but that smoke ring and him.

* * *

**_No one had seen her leave the homestead. But she couldn't stay there anymore. There were too many thoughts churning in her mind. _**

**_Lizzie couldn't stop thinking about the baby. Her parents' real daughter. As she made her way into the meadow, she stopped and let her eyes wander towards the graveyard. She had never been to it, but she knew the baby had a small gravestone somewhere inside. As a child, she could remember her mother going there while she was in school. Michaela didn't know she knew. Lizzie always tried to be extra good on those evenings, but she could still see the sadness in Michaela's eyes, despite her efforts to be happy. Sometimes she didn't know how to be Michaela's daughter._**

_**And now, it was even more so. **_

**_She found herself wandering beyond the little white gate. She went far towards the east corner and saw the little memorial immediately. It was well kept, as if no time had passed at all. _**

_**But then the name glared at her mockingly, and she sunk to her knees. **_

_Katherine Elizabeth Sully. 1870. Our angel. _

_**It must have been some kind of joke. **_

* * *

_**Lina's Notebook: **_

**_The 3rd Story recounted by Michaela and Sully _**

_**Approximately March 3, 1872, Give or take, I haven't decided yet! **_

_**Note to self: I think this goes along with the "I would have known you" theme… Is it too repetitive? **_

Sully and Michaela huddled on the top steps of the cold brick building on that March morning, the Boston wind pushing them in a corner as the faltered together in front of the door. "Are you sure you want to do this? It hasn't been that long. You could wait out here. It won't take that long."

Michaela smiled bravely and reached for his hands. "No. It's _my_ mother's estate. I need to be present."

She reached for the door of the building and stopped. Sully put his hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

"Michaela?" He whispered hesitantly. **_No he's nervous. He's afraid. He's not hesitant. But I want to portray his strength because he loves her, and she lost their baby. Hesitant is the stronger word. _**

She shook her head, her eyes frozen on her black lace gloves. "It's so strange to be here. As a child, I remember her being involved with flower shows and the D.A.R., but for the life of me, I can't remember her doing charitable work for orphans."

Sully wrapped his arms around her middle, shielding her from the cold. "It's not so strange. I don't think I ever really knew my mother. She would smile at me, but her eyes were always so sad. She knew she was dying even when we were happy."

Michaela ran her hand across his arm comfortingly and turned around. She found his eyes. "What do you see when you look in my eyes?"

He moved closer and took her face in his hands. "I see your heart. The pain. I don't want you goin' in there if it's gonna be too much. I don't want the day to come when I can't read your eyes." **_I wonder if he really said that. Or if he ever would. I hope he did. _**

She smiled, tears filling her eyes. She embraced him. "Hold tight. Don't look away. I'll be alright."

He shook his head, in awe of her. "You're too strong."

And together, they opened the door. As they walked into the starchy white building, an old woman whose back was curvier than…**_a tulip…no… a hunchback… no, too literal… a horse's neck… Never mind…_** As they walked into the starchy white building, an old, arthritic woman greeted them sharply, "May I help you?"

"Yes, we'd like to speak to a Mrs. Crudup?" Sully pressed, keeping a firm hold on Michaela's hand.

"Are you inquiring after an adoption, young man?" Michaela and Sully's heads whipped around like lightening, and they both stood dumbfounded, as if the woman could see straight through them.

Finally, Sully was able to speak. "No, my wife and I are here on behalf of her mother, Mrs. Elizabeth Quinn."

Mrs. Crudup nodded, her eyes sinking into her head as she digested the name. "Elizabeth Quinn… The name sounds vaguely familiar."

"Yes, my mother has made a sizable donation to your institution in her will. Is there a place we can talk in a more private manner?" Michaela spoke quickly, suddenly wishing their business to be over so she could leave Boston and return to Colorado Spring as soon as possible.

"Your mother?" Mrs. Crudup's eyes appeared again.

"Yes m'am."

She shook her head and laughed at herself. "I could have sworn she adopted a little boy. Oh well. The years are cruel to an old woman like me."

Michaela stared at the woman, her face turning white as that hollow pain pushed through her corset again. "Adopted? My mother never adopted a child."

"Oh! She didn't?" The woman stared at her, truly surprised for a moment, but then she began to laugh at herself again. "I must be slipping. I recall her very well fighting for that child. She and that frail little thing that came with her. Yes, Elizabeth Quinn. I remember her very well now. Wonderful woman. I'm so sorry for your loss, but if you will follow me—"

Michaela stood her ground, unmoving. Sully searched her eyes, seeing the lost look that had plagued both of them for the last year and a half. "Sully… I think I'll just wait out here. Can—can you—"

He nodded, reassuring her. "'Course. Are you gonna be alright?"

She smiled. **_I hate writing that she smiled. She always hides behind that smile. I see it all the time. Like Sully's mother. No. She wouldn't do that. Like the Mona Lisa maybe._** "Just take care of it so we can leave please."

Michaela sat down in the sparse hallway, suddenly feeling nauseas. What did her mother have to do with this place? She couldn't think straight.

Suddenly, a tiny creak shook her from her troubled thoughts, and she turned towards an open doorway as two bright blue eyes peeked at her through the crack**_. I hope I get this part right. I wish I had been there. To see that change in Michaela when she saw her. She must have been beautiful. _**

Michaela leaned over, catching the little toe head grinning at her with a half full mouth of teeth. Her heart stopped a little. Her baby would be about the same age as this little girl.

Michaela stood up from her bench, carried in a fog towards the door, and knelt down in front of the mischievous eyes.

"Hi," Michaela whispered, her voice shaking for some unknown reason.**_ I know the reason. _**

Suddenly, the toddler burst into a fitful of giggles and rolled backwards, and before Michaela could take in the moment, the door was slammed by a more forceful hand than hers or the child's.

She sat there, shocked, not knowing what to do. But, as soon as she heard the child's instant wail through the thick walls, she pushed to her feet and reached for the doorknob.

"What are ya doin', Michaela?" Sully and Mrs. Crudup had emerged from her office.

Michaela shook her head, her body shaking all over… **_I could kill her from happiness if I wanted to… Right there, in that moment. She could die of happiness._** "I have to go in there—I have to get her—"

"Mrs. Sully—" Mrs. Crudup rushed towards her, but Michaela had already opened the door.

"Michaela—" Sully followed her. **_He'd follow her anywhere, I think._**

Michaela burst into the room filled with hundreds of tiny faces. Her eyes scanned each one of them, but she didn't see the sparkling blue eyes. A nurse, holding a child, stared at her and Michaela reached for her arm. "Excuse me, but where is the little girl?"

The nurse was shocked by the desperation in Michaela's eyes. **_A beautiful desperation. The type of desperation you only hope to feel when you love someone more than yourself._** "What little girl, m'am? There's a hundred in here I can show you—"

"No…no… The little girl that was by the door. She's got beautiful blue eyes and not all of her teeth are in—" Michaela tried to show the woman with her hands, but the woman didn't understand her. She didn't love like that.

"I'm sorry m'am, I didn't see a little girl by the door. I'm busy with these youngens."

"But _you have to know her_! She's almost a year and half old and um…her hair looks straight but it wants to curl. It's so blonde it's almost white… _Please_! Someone took her away from that door! You have to know where she is!" Michaela cried. The nurse wanted to cry. She wanted to be beautiful like Michaela.

Sully took her shoulders. He couldn't see her eyes, but he could feel her desperation. And it scared him**_. Does he understand her? I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if that's their greatest tragedy._** "Michaela! Michaela, calm down. Look at me. Come on, look at me. We shouldn't have come. I'm sorry."

She begged for it. "But I saw her, Sully. _I saw her_."

He tried to give it. "I know. I believe you."

It is understanding. She brought her hand to her head. It shook violently. "Do you think I'm losing my mind?"

**_Did he lie?_** "No."

She fell against his chest and clung to him. "I do. I looked in her eyes. I wanted her to be mine."

Suddenly a stern voice broke from the other end of the hallway. "Alright, Miss Elizabeth! Now you be a good girl or I'll take the switch to you again!"

"Elizabeth?" Michaela lifted her head from Sully's chest, and they both looked towards the still girl in the large nurse's arms. She was no longer crying. Or laughing.

Michaela and Sully walked the length of the room towards the metal crib the nurse placed the child inside. Michaela stopped before her and asked hopefully, "Excuse me. May I… May I hold her?"

The nurse grunted, lifted Elizabeth carelessly into the air and dangled her in front of Michaela. "Of course. But I don't recommend this one. She's a willful child bound to cause you a world full of suffering."

But as Michaela took the little girl in her arms, the nurse's warnings were lost to her. **_I don't know how she felt. She's never said. I just know she couldn't leave the orphanage without Lizzie. _**She turned around and found Sully's eyes. He nodded once, not needing any explanations as he turned to Mrs. Crudup and began to make arrangements for the adoption.

**_Note to self: I'm not sure this fits with the rest of the story. Maybe I'll save it for later_**.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24—"Painting a Girl"

_**Lina lifted her head from her pillow. Caroline was snoring harmoniously with the crickets. And Lizzie… well, she was sure Lizzie was being a tragic heroine somewhere. Lina reached for her treasured notebook on the side table and slipped out of the covers and onto the hard wood floor. She tip-toed over to the cushioned window seat and made her perch there in the moonlight. Finally, she opened her notebook and looked up to the glowing crest. **_

_**A love scene. She wanted to a love scene. **_

_**But, she had never written one before. **_

_**She let her pen fall to the paper and chewed her bottom lip as strange images and words began to emerge. **_

His hands were… big. And she…shuttered…no, trembled at his touch. They covered her as they lay…**_lied…laid?_** down on the soft blanket on the…**_no_**… in the rain underneath his long forgotten lean-to. But they had not forgotten. They had waited for so long to be together…to… to…

_**Lina slammed her notebook in frustration. She pressed her face against the glass. She couldn't do this. She had no idea what she was writing about. Even her grammar was failing at the thought of the foreign subject.**_

"**_Lina?" Caroline lifted her head and stared at her woe begotten sister. _**

"**_Hmm?" _**

"**_What are you doing?" She cocked her head and hid her teasing smile. _**

"**_I'm being depressed," Lina pouted, refusing to turn around. _**

_**Caroline sighed and patted the pillow next to her. "Well, come make a depression in this bed instead of against that window. You're going to freeze to death over there." **_

_**Lina ignored her and closed her notebook. She curled her toes up under her nightgown. "Lizzie's gone." **_

"**_I know. I heard her sneak out. I'm giving her another hour before I go after her." _**

_**Lina tilted her head and met her sister's eyes. "Don't worry. She'll be back before then." **_

"**_Whatever you say, my mystic sister. Whatever you say." Caroline chuckled nonchalantly. Her laughter soon faded, and they were left in the blue silence again. Caroline slipped out of the covers and hovered aimlessly towards her sister. As she came into the moonlight, she asked, "Why are you depressed?" _**

_**Lina scoffed. "Nothing you would care about." **_

_**Caroline sat down next to her. "Try me." **_

_**Lina met her sister's eyes, lighter than hers, but they were darker in the moonlight. "My story needs…" **_

"**_What?" _**

"**_It needs…"_**

_**Caroline reached out and grabbed her hand. "Oh come on! Tell me! I promise I won't laugh." **_

_**The notebook fell between them, and words tumbled forth, "It needs a love scene. I don't know how to write one." **_

_**Caroline sat back and grinned broadly. "Oh! Is that all?" **_

"**_You said you wouldn't laugh!" _**

_**Caroline shook her head and reached out for her unaffectionate sister. Begrudingly, Lina let her take her hands. "I'm not laughing at you, Lina. I swear I'm not. How hard can they be though? Aren't love scenes just about love?" **_

_**Lina nodded, knowing she was right. "Yeah…but…but I don't know anything about that." **_

_**Caroline felt stumped. She couldn't write to save her life. Suddenly, an idea sparked, and she lifted her arms like a fairy queen. "Then maybe it's a dream you're writing!" **_

_**Lina lifted her notebook and eyed Caroline suspiciously, a small smile revealing itself. "A dream. I like that, Caroline." **_

"**_See?" Caroline quickly stole a kiss from Lina's cheek. "I can be creative too." _**

* * *

****

"**_Who's out there!" Lizzie shrieked and pushed back from the clinic door as she heard the gravel and gun behind her. _**

"**_Jeez Hank! Put the gun down!" She exclaimed as the barkeep held a gun on her in the middle of the street. _**

_**Hank groaned and spun around in a circle as he collected himself. "What are you doin' in town this late, Little Quinn?" **_

_**Lizzie's jaw tightened. "I'm stayin' at the clinic tonight, not that it's any of your business." **_

"**_Do your folks know where you are?" He asked, frustration and lack of sleep clear in his whiskey-stained voice. _**

"**_What do you care?" Lizzie turned back towards the clinic door and continued to unlock it. _**

_**Hank stepped up on the porch and leaned on the wooden post. He grinned in satisfaction as she struggled with the lock. "You know, I liked ya a lot better when ya didn't have all that attitude." **_

"**_You mean when I was a baby and didn't know how to speak?" She shook the stubborn lock mercilessly. _**

"**_Yeah. Then, Quinn." She turned around and he raised his eyebrows, daring her. No, she wouldn't ask him for help, no matter how long it took to get inside the clinic. _**

"**_Stop calling me that! We're not even related." _**

"**_Maybe not. But you sure do got that fire of Michaela's." He sighed, his voice honeyed with unfulfilled fantasies. I've always… admired it." _**

_**Lizzie grimaced. "She's married to Sully." **_

_**Hank shrugged apathetically, "Don't mean a man can't look." **_

_**Lizzie dropped her hand on the lock and turned around, both of her hands on her hips in pious defense. "You are nothin' but a dirty old man, you know that? Why don't you go back over to the trough you call a saloon and play with the other pigs." **_

"**_Can't do that."_**

"**_Why not?" _**

_**Hank planted himself on the bench and crossed his legs mockingly. "If you're gonna stay in this clinic all by yourself, I'm stayin' right here with ya." **_

"**_You are not!"_**

"**_Too bad, Quinn. I'm campin' out right here, and there's nothin' ya can do about it." Hank proceeded to stretch out on the bench. _**

"**_The clinic is perfectly safe!" Lizzie protested, her fair face turning red as he insulted her and infringed on her space. _**

_**Hank sat up suddenly, his mocking expression gone, replaced with something she didn't recognize. "Don't argue with a dirty old man, Lizzie. I've seen things that would give ya nightmares for years." **_

_**Lizzie stared at him, at the queer tremor in his eye. She looked up towards the darkened building and swallowed nervously. Somehow, staying here didn't seem like such a good idea anymore. "Maybe… Maybe you ought to take me home?" **_

_**Hank nodded once without question. "You wait here while I saddle my horse." **_

* * *

****

Night had come too soon. She couldn't go upstairs. She couldn't leave the examination room. Even now, she felt eyes on her.

And it terrified her.

But she was so tired, so painfully tired. She wanted to sleep. To forget it all.

But there were two eyes on her.

"Don't scream, girlie. You scream, and I'll slit your throat."

Gold buttons. So many gold buttons. The winter wind flew in threw the door. Hadn't she closed it? Hadn't she—?

"Nótâxéve'ho'e!"

"That's right, you little whore. They may dress you up all they want, but you'll still be one of 'em."

"Get away from me!" Catherine stumbled backwards, but she fell over a box of medical supplies and landed hard on the floor.

"Cat lost her claws?" He grabbed her wrists and pulled her against him. Her heels slid along the floor, shooting up splinters. "You gonna purr for me? Huh?"

Catherine spit in his face. He wiped the saliva off of his face and knotted his fist in her hair. "Oh, you'll regret that. Nobody disrespects **_Major Joel Elliot_**!"

His fist hit hard across her face, and she thought she was lost to time, but a gunshot rang out in the air, and his hands fell away from her and she fell to the ground.

She thought she was screaming, but she wasn't as rough, careful hands picked her up and removed her from the fallen body. "Shh…Shh! I got ya." He held her awkwardly but protectively. "I got ya. Nobody's gonna hurt ya now. It's over."

"You…you kill." Catherine pulled back and looked at her protector's face. It was Hank. "I thought… I thought it was you… I thought…"

"Yeah…well…" Hank quickly dropped her hands and searched for a lantern. "Let's get ya cleaned up."

Catherine nodded weakly and ran her fingers through her hair. "I thought it was over."

"What was over?" Hank avoided her fatigued figure as he stepped over the dead body towards the medical supplies.

"Death. Fighting. I say goodbye to it."

Hank smirked as he found some rubbing alcohol and gauzes. "People never stop fightin', darlin'."

Catherine frowned as he came towards her again. "Darling? What does that mean?"

Hank stopped and poured a little of the alcohol out on the gauze. "Uh… It's a word I use…when…when somebody is darlin'. I don't know. Shh… We gotta be quiet now."

She nodded and looked down. His eyes were unsettling. "It is pretty."

"That cut sure ain't. That bastard nailed ya good, didn't he?" He pressed the alcohol against her left cheek.

"Ow!" Catherine stepped back, war filling her eyes accusingly as it stung. Hank dropped the bottle, and it crashed on the floor.

"I'm sorry, jeez! I ain't no doctor!"

"Your hands are rough!"

"I'm a man, darlin'. They ain't _supposed_ to be soft." He jostled as they circled around each other.

"His hands were." She turned her back on him.

"Whose hands? Certainly not this soldier…Your Indian lover?" Hank taunted.

"No one's." Catherine shook her head and closed her eyes. His eyes wouldn't go away.

"Uh uh." Hank froze and watched her shake. "Things have sure stirred up ever since you came here. Michaela gettin' hurt by that injun and marryin' Sully faster than—" Catherine's head dropped and Hank threw his head back and laughed as the realization hit him. "Wait a sec. You're talkin' about Sully, aren't ya?"

Catherine moved to the other side of the room, but Hank cut her off, his eyes right in her face. "And I thought that man was as predictable as rain! How the mighty do fall, I tell ya. How the mighty do fall!"

"He did nothing wrong," Catherine defended Sully automatically.

"I'm sure Michaela sees it that way as well." Hank snickered. "You don't even have to tell me what happened—I know Michaela better than she knows herself. She's a bundle full of nerves, that one. Somewhere along the way she forgot to cut the cords loose."

"Do not talk about her like that—" Catherine said, her fervor falling as Hank moved closer.

"Oh come on! You think it! Hell, you _used_ it. Maybe you didn't know it. Or maybe I'm just givin' you too much credit." Catherine's back hit the wall and Hank's hands were on either side of her head.

"Only after—" She shook her head, unable to suppress her conflicting feelings.

"That's right. Only after you realized that you didn't have a chance with Sully did you even begin feelin' this way. It's ok. You're human. Lord knows if Michaela wasn't attached to Sully…"

"Stop it!" Catherine pushed back on his chest, but he was immobile.

"Darlin', men need women. That's all there is to it. We want them. We crave them. Even the good ones do. They just don't admit it like me." He lowered his head as she fought him.

"But… I felt something." She searched his eyes, trying to understand what had happened. How she could have been so wrong. "I thought… I thought he felt too."

Hank covered her hands. _Rough hands._ He shrugged. "People make connections everyday. Don't mean they're in love."

"Oh. _Oh_…" Catherine stopped fighting. "I think he lied to me."

"Maybe he did. Must be hard for a man like Sully to admit that he's wrong. He's got a lot of pride. They both do." Hank waited for her reaction, hoping she would fight him again.

But she didn't. She was only confused. "Am I wrong?"

"We're all wrong, darlin'." He pressed against her. He waited. For the push. The shove. The slap. But it didn't come. So he lowered his lips and kissed her.

_Softly. _

He pulled away and looked into her eyes. They were so blue—innocent but knowing.

_Different. _

"Why did you do that?"

"Just seein' if I could do somethin' right." He backed up slowly. He lifted the soldier by his shoulders and smiled wickedly at her. "Come on. Grab his legs. We'll make sure no one knows."

* * *

They sat across from each other at the table, uncomfortable stares floating back and forth between Michaela, Sully, David and Suzanne. Michaela stared at David, unmoved as she took in his appearance, altered, distracted, and distant. But needy. So needy. David cleared his throat and extended his curled hand as best he could. "If it was only me, I would never have bothered you again, Michaela."

"David, I don't want _ifs_. We're talking about now, _here_, and I need some semblance of the truth before I give any credence to what you have to say." Sully put a gentle hand on her lower back as the sharp tones flew from her mouth. He didn't like to think of her as fragile, but in truth, she physically was. He felt her take a deep breath, and for her sake, he hoped this would be over soon.

"Let me speak, David. After all, this is my fault." Suzanne found Michaela's eyes. Michaela couldn't dismiss her as easily as David. There was something about her that was familiar, like her.

"Your fault?" Michaela asked, softening her tone.

Suzanne nodded nervously. "I knew the risks of getting pregnant with my disposition. It was a selfish choice, but we wanted a child. Can you understand that?"

Michaela searched and found Sully's hand under the table. "Yes, I can."

Suzanne took a deep breath. David put his arm around her and nodded reassuringly. "I have diabetes."

As if the world had turned on its axis, Michaela straightened her back. She was no longer a woman but a doctor. "Gestational?"

"Yes." **_Lina leaned her head against her desk. Her mother. The "what if" was so tragic. It made her so sympathetic in the story. How could anyone hate a dying woman? A fragile, dying woman no less. But…but… But how could she do it? How could she kill her mother? No. She wouldn't do it. She couldn't. Someone else… Someone else would have to be the sacrificial lamb. She closed her eyes, and let her pen fall to the paper as her mother's blonde hair and violet eyes transformed into dark eyes and dark hair. Could she do it? It wasn't fair, but she was writing… She was alive …She was writing… It had to be this way—didn't it? _**

"**_What does that mean?" Abagail asked, confused by the technical terms._**

"**_It means that the diabetes was brought on by your pregnancy," Michaela said gently. _**

_**Sully quickly interjected, "You mean to tell me that this happened because she's going to have a baby?" **_

"**_Yes, but we can control it by regulating her diet and monitoring her pregnancy. And usually after the baby is born, the diabetes dissipates." _**

"**_So you'll stay with me?" Abagail tightened her grip on Michaela's hand. _**

"**_Of course. I promise you, Abagail. I'm going to do everything I can for you and your baby."_**

_**Abagail reached up and touched Michaela's cheek. "You're an angel." **_

"I've often been doubtful, but it's controllable, Suzanne," Michaela reassured her.

Suzanne lowered her hand, a lost mother's tears in her eyes. "They told me… They told me I wasn't supposed to have children—after…after—"

"**_My…stepfather did something bad to me." Lina watched the ink blot on the paper. She knew what she wanted to write, but maybe she shouldn't. Writing about Sully and Michaela was so easy, but her own parents? She wiped her eyes, and the black blot on the page grew darker and darker as 1852 came to her mind. _**

_**David watched Suzanne's hands go down to her stomach, and his eyes jerked up to meet in her eyes. **_

"**_Did he touch you with his hands?" He whispered, his heart sinking. _**

"**_Yes," she said, barely audible. _**

_**David swallowed, and he tried to control his shaking joints. "Did he… kiss you?" **_

_**Suzanne nodded and closed her eyes, crying. **_

"**_Ok… ok… Don't worry. I'll take care of you." He pulled her back into his arms, closing his eyes. "We'll go to the hospital and I'll get you a medical examination—"_**

"**_No David!" Suzanne exclaimed, pulling away from him. "I don't want anyone to know what happened to me! People will think I'm dirty…" _**

_**David shook his head. "No they won't… I'll be with you."**_

"Shh… I'm here. You don't have to say," David soothed, their eyes meeting in shared secrets.

Michaela shook her head, confusion racking her as she stared at the broken couple. "What can you want from us? If you're asking me to be your doctor, I don't think I can."

"No. It's more than that." David reached across the table and touched her hand.

Sully inhaled, trepidation filling him completely as he watched David grip his wife's hand. "More?"

"We want you to raise our child."

* * *

_**"I can't sleep." Michaela stared up at the ceiling, watching the shadows dance across the woodwork.**_

_**Sully turned on his side. Her face was lost in the moonlight. "You're thinkin' about Lizzie?"**_

_**She nodded, and the slight movement sent a ripple down their cream colored sheets, breaking the stillness in the room. "She wanted to know about the baby. About things…we don't even talk about."**_

_**It was quiet again as Sully searched for the right words. "It's ok."**_

_**She turned towards him and smiled sadly. She could feel his body heat. "No, it's not."**_

_**He found her hand and pulled her closer. Sometimes it was easier to touch than speak, but sometimes it was too easy. They hadn't let themselves talk in such a long time. "We're ok, Michaela. I know the things that hurt you. I wanted her just as much as you did, remember?"**_

_**Michaela nodded and gasped for air, taking a full, deep breath for the first time that night. He caught her breath in his and rolled her across his body, holding her fully. Michaela whispered against his skin, "I still miss her. Despite everything, I miss my daughter."**_

_**He held her, just as he did when he found in the camp. Sometimes, it was as if no time had passed. "I do too."**_

_**"Lizzie knows it too. I wish I could hide it from her, and just be…" Michaela gripped his arms but released them when she failed to find the right word.**_

_**"Perfect?"**_

_**They locked eyes and he caressed her hair knowingly. "Maybe I wouldn't be losing her if I was."**_

_**"We're not goin' to lose her."**_

_**Michaela sat up abruptly, the entire conversation crashing back on her even with Sully's reassurance. "A woman…someone claiming to be my sister told her that she was her real mother."**_

_**Sully followed her, the sheets falling off of both of them. "What? That's crazy."**_

_**"I couldn't follow her thoughts after that. I tried to tell her everything, but I suppose it was too much too soon," Michaela spoke rapidly, agitation and confusion bursting out of her.**_

_**Sully stood out of the bed and began to pace. Michaela watched him uneasily before he stopped. "I'll talk to her."**_

_**"You think she'll listen to you?"**_

_**Sully stopped, unsure. "I don't know. I can try. Fathers are different, ya know."**_

_**Michaela's brow softened as she took in her husband's wary disposition. "Oh really? All she would have to do is bat her lashes and she'd have you wrapped around her finger in a second."**_

_**Sully grinned and nodded, not denying it. "Yeah. I wish she would though. Then I'd know she was happy."**_

_**"Me too…" They smiled, hope surfacing for a moment before the neighing of horses broke their gaze. "What's that?"**_

_**"Are the animals loose?"**_

_**"I'll go check." And he was out the door.**_

* * *

_**"Thanks Hank." Lizzie smiled impishly as she unsaddled her horse Fin in the barn.**_

_**Hank shook his head and scoffed at the disheveled girl. "Don't waste that pretty smile on me. I ain't gonna tell on ya. Come on. Let me walk ya to the house."**_

_**"Alright then." Her face relaxed as they wandered back towards the house. Still, she wasn't ready to go back. Her mind was still in the cemetery. "But…can I ask you somethin'?"**_

_**Hank blew air out from his lips. How did he get suckered into this? "Women. Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk. Even little runts like you. Ask me quick, Quinn."**_

_**Lizzie chewed her lip nervously. "Do you… do you remember when my ma lost her baby?"**_

_**Hank eyed her, but didn't slow down. "Yeah," he said flatly.**_

_**"Well… what do you know about the woman who was with her?"**_

_**"Quinn…" Hank sped up, thankful the stairs weren't much further.**_

_**"Her name is Catherine—"**_

_**"Lizzie!" Hank raged abruptly, and Lizzie jumped back, shocked at the sudden change in his demeanor. "What I meant to say was, I don't know much about her. Or what you're lookin' for, Quinn. I'm sorry."**_

_**Lizzie swallowed, stepping forward tentatively. "I've never heard you apologize before."**_

_**"Well, there's a first time for everythin'. Ya better get used to it." He turned to leave, but Lizzie could tell there was more, just as she knew there was more in Michaela's eyes… in Catherine's eyes.**_

_**"Her name was Katherine Elizabeth." She said clearly. She didn't hear the front door open.**_

_**"Who?" Hank turned back. He looked pass Lizzie. His face was white.**_

_**"Their baby. Did Catherine…did she do that on purpose? Name me Elizabeth on purpose?"**_

_**Hank backed away and held up his hands in retreat. "I think you better ask your pa that question."**_

_**Lizzie spun around. And more. Sully was standing in the doorway.**_

**nótâxéve'ho'e soldier**


End file.
